Valid Reasons Not to Trust Your Boyfriend

Edited by Leomar Umpad, Anonymous, Eng, Lynn and 4 others

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Trust is an important thing. As William Shakespeare has told it, "Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none". Trust is not something that you just give because you like or love a person; it is something that one needs to earn before he can keep it. It should not be given because someone is very kind, or sweet, or did something that helped you. Trust takes time to build and should only be given to someone who has proven his worth. That said, check on the valid reasons below why you should not trust your boyfriend.

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Reasons not to trust your boyfriend

Giving your trust to someone is not wrong; trusting a person right away is. When you trust a person and that person does something to break it, you will feel betrayed and hurt. The pain could cause you to hate that person for a long time and may trigger you not to trust other people anymore. That is not good. The following actions and gestures by your boyfriend should give you signs to stop, think and evaluate whether he is worth your trust:

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  1. 1
    He couldn't give two hoots.
    When your boyfriend takes you for granted and doesn't care where you are, or what you do, then this could be a good reason not to trust him. It is either that he is so busy with what he is doing that he cannot even take a little of his time to ask for updates from you, or he does not really give you much value. Not that he should always know what is happening with you every hour, but when someone does not even try knowing what has happened through your day, it is a wise decision to hold back your trust for him.
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  2. 2
    It's written all over his face.
    You will know and feel that your boyfriend is doing something down the bridge when you see him. Unless he has mastered the art of deception, he cannot hide it in his face if he has done something terribly wrong against you. If your boyfriend is acting somewhat strange lately, there may be a problem. Now, you don't necessarily need to take this as something bad. It may be a problem with his family and work that he does not want to share yet. However, it could also mean that he has done, or is currently doing, something fishy. Trust your instincts, be safe and keep your guard up.
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  3. 3
    Where there's smoke, there's fire.
    If you have recently heard negative feedback about your boyfriend's faithfulness to you, and it came from several different people, then there is a high possibility that it may be true. This feedback was not just grabbed from the air; these comments came from people who saw, heard, and knew what your boyfriend was doing on your back. If you constantly receive "not-so-good" news about your lover's activity, then it is just reasonable not to give your full trust to the guy.
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  4. 4
    Why buy the cow when he can get the milk for free?
    Have you been with your boyfriend for a very long time and he has not yet expressed his future plans? Has he not spoken of children and/or a possible marriage? Does he avoid these kinds of topics and seem uncomfortable when they are being talked about? These are indications that your boyfriend has no plans, yet, of marrying you. He may think that there is no sense in marrying when he can get the benefits of being married without the hassles of it. This is a sad truth. Some guys just want to have sexual activities without the commitment that goes with it. If, unfortunately, you boyfriend is one of them, do not trust him and it may be a right time to reflect on your goals and plans; do you think your boyfriend will be there?
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  5. 5
    What can you expect from a hog but a grunt?
    People can always change for the better; every person is naturally good. This is entirely true. Some people can, also, be insensitive and irresponsible. This, too, is true. If your boyfriend has cheated on you a few times and he has kept on repeating the same mistakes over and over again, then it is recommended not to keep your hopes up. Always hold on to a bit of doubt. Though there is a chance that he may straighten his crooked ways, the possibility of him not changing any time soon also exists. Help your boyfriend get to the right way, but do not allow yourself to be hurt too much when he goes his own way. Offer to help, but keep the trust to yourself for now.
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  6. 6
    When in Rome, do as the Romans.
    When your boyfriend is with you, he may be really great at acting like a good lover. He may be sensitive to your needs, extra sweet and make you feel loved. No matter how good it sounds, do not take it at face-value. Check on your boyfriend's activities. Does he go out with people who are noted to be players? He may be sweet and everything with you, but what happens when he is not with you? Will he not be sweet with other girls too? Give a little allowance of doubt for yourself. Check on his social media accounts, or his friends' posts and tweets. Always remember that birds of the same feathers flock together. When he is with his friends who are noted womanizers, then you really cannot discount the possibility that he will be doing the same thing as his friends do.
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  7. 7
    There's a bad taste in your mouth.
    You will feel it when your boyfriend should not be trusted. His gestures and behaviors will make you doubt him and give you hesitation. If you feel that there is something about your boyfriend that makes you not trust him, then stick with it for a while. It is for your own good.
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  8. 8
    He changes horses in midstream.
    If your boyfriend suddenly stops sending SMS to you daily, when he has been doing it for the whole three years, then it is a red flag. Someone who suddenly changes his habit and way of life is up to something. This may not always be bad, but if the change has somehow affected you and your relationship in a negative way, then not trusting your boyfriend is a good choice.
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  9. 9
    He's been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.
    You caught your boyfriend red-handed doing something that is not good for your relationship. This is a very clear indicator not to trust your boyfriend. Either you have caught him communicating with another girl through his cellphone or his social media accounts, or he has confessed to you that, indeed, he had been unfaithful after your friend reported it. Then trusting him will be the last thing that you should do.
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Things to remember

  • We are not promoting negativity. This article is not saying that boyfriends should not be trusted. What we are saying is that untrustworthy people should not be trusted. Boyfriends who are showing signs of cheating, irresponsibility and selfishness should not be trusted right away. In the long run, when these men have proven their worth, then trust may be given; giving it out of love or admiration is not recommended. You can love a person without entirely trusting him. A mother loves her 16-year old son, but she cannot always trust him, yet, to drive well. Everything has its right time; so does trust.
  • We want to protect you. As said above, it is very painful when someone you love betrays the trust that you have given. When you are very hurt, you may lose your sense of judgment and direction, and this may lead to unwanted results, even as serious as losing a job, and maybe even to worse scenarios like, god forbid, taking one's own life. People should earn everything, and something as important as trust should be rightfully earned through sacrifices, sweat and good will.
  • This article is not conclusive. Except for the ninth reason, all the listed reasons are mere assumptions and probabilities. Though these are very valid reasons not to easily give your trust, these may not entirely apply to your lover. He may be a changed man, or go out with unfaithful friends, but still keep every promise he has given you. These possibilities are also true, but it won't hurt anyone, not you nor your boyfriend, when you keep a little space of safety for yourself.

Questions and Answers

My boyfriend puts his phone on silent at home?

Am I over worried he is hiding something?

It might be anything from uncomfortable calls from his parents, a wish to distract from work and worries, or a friend whose long or inappropriate conversation will make the boyfriend feel uncomfortable. If he is not picking the phone up, then he gives you the priority. Try to trust your feelings and call him anytime to see if he ignores you too. If he does, then there might be a valid reason for suspicion. Newer phones actually have video calls too. Try to find out if your phones, data plan, or carrier support that.

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I don't feel I can trust him, there are few signs that indicates this?

He lies to me frequently - little white lies. When I visited him, he gave me an excuse so he controlled how often I see him and for how long. When he passes a certain building while I'm in the car he puts the windows up before he gets there then rolls it down after he passes. He got a text message and turned his phone face down.. I have tried: Telling him that he lies to me. I think it was caused by: I don't know

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That looks like a valid reason not to trust a person, but at least he owes you an explanation that can make amends. Rolling down the windows in his car was not random: confront him about this. When he tells the story, pay attention to how he speaks. If he makes up a story, he will touch his nose or lips, his eyes will wander, and he will give too many unimportant details in his story. Visiting his house can be unexpected too. Maybe he has a video call on his phone: try that too. Turning his phone face down can be all right. There are some people who send unsolicited text messages to others. He might be having one of those people, and he does not want to bother you or his mind with that; but that scenario is very unlikely, considering the combination of various other signs of breach of trust. This behavior can be caused by another partner in his life or by his secret life, which can involve his working somewhere where you would not wish to see him or his past that he wishes to forget. You can also look for help in one of our other tutorials on how to detect or handle dishonesty when on a date.

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I went out with this guy 6 years ago for 6 months. It was too turbulent and I never knew where he was or what he was doing. So we went our separate ways. Mid January he Facebook contact me, said he'd been trying to contact me and had thought about me all of those years. I politely said I wasn't interested?

And told him that at 47, I was probably looking for more than he could offer. Partnership, sharing my life with someone etc. He pursued me for a few weeks and I wondered if he had changed. The chemistry is definitely there and we get on so well when we're together. However, he is a workaholic.He has a full time job and is a qualified plumber. When he's not on shift, he's fixing someone's boiler. Everyday. Over the last few weeks, he's managed to take me out 3 times. normally arriving late. I had stipulated that I wanted to hear from him every day this time. To at least keep the spark going. He texts me every morning. we exchange a few messages, then nothing till the following day. I understand that he's busy and used to that way of life but surely he can take 5 minutes to consider me throughout the day? Not sure why I'm asking, I think I already know the answer. I even consider whether he is actually working all those hours or whether he has someone else. I have tried: I've laid it on the line this time. He knows exactly how I feel. I haven't got time to waste on platonic relationships. I think it was caused by: I think he is scared of losing what he has become used to. His bachelor life. which to me, seems quite sad. He is 48, been on his own for 13 years, works 16 hours per day, every day and I think he doesn't know how to draw back from work and consider a female

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I broke up with my boyfriend, I was with him for 4 years how can I get over this?

Boyfriend with 4 years, I can't stop thinking about him, we both love each other but parents don't. How do I stop thinking about him

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