Valid Reasons Not to Trust Your Boyfriend
Edited by Leomar Umpad, Eng, Lynn, Dougie and 4 others
Trust is an important thing. In the words of the immortal William Shakespeare, "Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none". Trust is not something that you just give because you like or love a person; it is something that one needs to earn. It should not be given because someone is very kind, or sweet, or did something to help you. Trust takes time to build and should only be given to someone who has proven his worth. That said; check on the compelling reasons below why you should not trust your boyfriend.
- 1 Reasons Not To Trust Your Boyfriend
- 2 Things to Remember
- 3 Questions and Answers
- 3.1 My boyfriend puts his phone on silent at home.
- 3.2 I don't feel I can trust him, there are few signs that indicate this.
- 3.3 I went out with this guy 6 years ago for 6 months. It was too turbulent and I never knew where he was or what he was doing. So we went our separate ways. Mid January he contact me on Facebook, said he'd been trying to contact me and had thought about me all of those years. I politely said I wasn't interested.
- 3.4 I broke up with my boyfriend, I was with him for 4 years. How can I get over this?
- 4 Referencing this Article
- 5 Comments
Reasons Not To Trust Your Boyfriend
Giving your trust to someone is not wrong; trusting a person right away is. When you trust a person and that person does something to break your trust, you will feel betrayed and hurt. The pain might be so intense you'll grow to hate that person for a long time and may trigger a response that will prevent you from trusting other people in the future. That is not good. The following actions and gestures by your boyfriend should give you signs to stop, think and evaluate whether he is worthy of your trust:
- 1When your boyfriend takes you for granted and doesn't care where you are, or what you do, this is a good reason not to trust him. Either he is so busy with what he is doing that he cannot even take a little of his time to ask for updates from you, or he doesn't value you very much. Not that he should always know what is happening with you every hour, but when someone isn't remotely interested in what happens in your life, it's a wise decision to hold back your trust for him until you find out if he's preoccupied or a narcissist. Neither are good.He couldn't give two hoots.Advertisement
- 2You will know and feel that your boyfriend is doing something he doesn't want you do know about when you look in his eyes. Unless he has mastered the art of deception, if he has done something terribly wrong to you, he won't be able to hide it in his face. If your boyfriend is acting somewhat strange lately, there may be a problem. Now, you don't necessarily need to take this as something bad. It may be a problem with his family and work that he does not want to share yet. However, it could also mean that he has done, or is currently doing, something fishy. Trust your instincts, be safe and keep your guard up.It's written all over his face.Advertisement
- 3If you've recently heard negative rumors about your boyfriend's infidelity, and it came from several different people, there's a distinct possibility that it may be true. Often rumors are based in truth, but always consider the source. Make sure the rumors don't come from people who don't like him, or you, or both, or those who might have their own agenda. If you constantly hear things about what your boyfriend is doing behind your back, protect yourself.Where there's smoke, there's fire.
- 4Have you been with your boyfriend for a very long time and he has not yet expressed his future plans? Has he not spoken of children and/or a possible marriage? Does he avoid these kinds of topics and seem uncomfortable when they come up? These are indications that your boyfriend has no plans, yet, of marrying you. He may think that there is no sense in marrying when he can get the benefits of being married without the hassles of it. This is a sad truth. Some guys just want to have sexual activities without the commitment that goes with it. If, unfortunately, you boyfriend is one of them, do not trust him and it may be a right time to reflect on your goals and plans; do you think your boyfriend will be there to see them completed?Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?
- 5People can always change for the better; every person is naturally good. This is entirely true. Some people can, also, be insensitive and irresponsible. This, too, is true. If your boyfriend has cheated on you a few times and he has kept on repeating the same mistakes over and over again, then it is recommended not to keep your hopes up. Always hold on to a bit of doubt. Though there is a chance that he may straighten his crooked ways, the possibility of him not changing any time soon is more usual. Help your boyfriend get on the right track, but don't allow yourself to be hurt too much when he goes his own way. Offer to help, but keep hold back on the trusting him for now. You also could ask yourself, about this time, why you think you deserve someone who doesn't seem to be interested in a future with you.What can you expect from a hog but a grunt?
- 6When your boyfriend is with you, he may be really great at acting like a good guy. He may be sensitive to your needs, extra sweet and make you feel loved. No matter how good it seems, do not take it at face-value. Check on your boyfriend's activities. Does he go out with people who are noted to be players? He may be sweet and everything with you, but what happens when he is not with you? Will he not be sweet with other girls too? Give a little allowance for doubt. Check on his social media accounts, or his friends' posts and tweets. Always remember that birds of the same feathers flock together. When he is with his friends who are noted womanizers, then you really cannot discount the possibility that he will be doing the same thing as his friends do. Again, ask yourself what you are doing with this guy.When in Rome, do as the Romans.
- 7You will feel it when your boyfriend cannot be trusted. His gestures and behaviors will make you doubt him and give you cause for hesitation. If you feel there is something about your boyfriend that makes you feel as if you can't trust him, then be cautious until you are proven otherwise. It's for your own good.There's a bad taste in your mouth.
- 8If your boyfriend suddenly stops sending SMS to you daily, when he has been doing it for the entire three years, recognize the red flag. Someone who suddenly changes his habits and ways of behaving is up to something. This may not always be bad, but if the change has somehow affected you and your relationship in a negative way, then not trusting your boyfriend is a good choice.He changes horses in midstream.
- 9You caught your boyfriend red-handed doing something that is not good for your relationship. This is a very clear indicator not to trust your boyfriend. Either you have caught him communicating with another girl through his cell phone or on social media, or he has confessed to you that, indeed, he has been unfaithful, but only after your friend reported it. Then trusting him should be the last thing you should.He's been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.Advertisement
Things to Remember
- We are not promoting negativity. This article is not meant to insinuate that boyfriends should not be trusted. What we are saying is that untrustworthy people should not be trusted. Boyfriends who show signs of cheating, irresponsibility and selfishness should not be trusted right away. In the long run, when these men have proven their worth, then trust may be given; giving it out of love or admiration is not recommended. You can love a person without entirely trusting him. A mother loves her 16-year old son, but she cannot always trust him. Everything has its right time; so does trust.
- We want to protect you. As said above, it is very painful when someone you love betrays the trust that you have given. When you are very hurt, you may lose your sense of judgment and direction, and this may lead to unwanted results, even as serious as losing a job, and maybe even to worse scenarios like, god forbid, taking one's own life. People should earn everything, and something as important as trust should be rightfully earned through sacrifices, sweat and good will.
- This article is not conclusive. Except for the ninth reason, all the listed reasons are mere assumptions and probabilities. Though these are very valid reasons not to easily give your trust, these may not entirely apply to you and your lover. He may be a changed man, or go out with unfaithful friends, but still keep every promise he has given you. These possibilities are also true, but it won't hurt anyone, not you nor your boyfriend, when you keep a little space of safety for yourself.
- If you've read this far, and you see a lot of yourself in these situations, perhaps it's time to reconsider the relationship you're in. Everyone deserves to be loved properly. You deserve better.
Questions and Answers
My boyfriend puts his phone on silent at home.
Am I overly worried he is hiding something?
It might be anything from uncomfortable calls from his parents; a wish to distract from work and worries, or a friend whose long or inappropriate conversations make your boyfriend feel uncomfortable. If he is not picking the phone up, then he gives you the priority. Try to trust your feelings and call him anytime to see if he ignores you too. If he does, then there might be a valid reason for suspicion. Newer phones actually have video calls too. Try to find out if your phone's, data plan, or carrier supports that.
Are you calling him too much? Texting too much? Too available? Consider that you might be the issue, and perhaps back off all the electronic communication. Some people just aren't into it.
I don't feel I can trust him, there are few signs that indicate this.
He lies to me frequently - little white lies. When I visited him, he gave me an excuse so he controlled how often I see him and for how long. When he passes a certain building while I'm in the car he puts the windows up before he gets there then rolls them down after he passes. He got a text message and turned his phone face down. I have tried: Telling him that he lies to me. I think it was caused by: I don't know
That looks like a valid reason not to trust a person, but he owes you an explanation that can make amends. Rolling down the windows in his car was not random: confront him about this. When he tells the story, pay attention to how he speaks. If he makes up a story, he will touch his nose or lips, his eyes will wander, and he will give too many unimportant details in his story. Visiting his house can be unexpected too. Maybe he has a video call on his phone: try that too. Turning his phone face down can be all right. There are some people who send unsolicited text messages to others. He might be having trouble with one of those people, and he does not want to bother you or his mind with that; but that scenario is very unlikely, considering the combination of various other signs of breach of trust.
This behavior can be caused by another partner in his life or by his secret life, which can involve his working somewhere where you would not wish to see him or his past that he wishes to forget.
You can also look for help in one of our other tutorials on how to detect or handle dishonesty when on a date.
A truly dishonest person, when confronted, will find a way to make you feel insecure, nosey, etc. Imagine the man confronted with an affair by his wife, and he turns it around to make her feel ridiculous for even suspecting. Hold your ground, or walk away.
I went out with this guy 6 years ago for 6 months. It was too turbulent and I never knew where he was or what he was doing. So we went our separate ways. Mid January he contact me on Facebook, said he'd been trying to contact me and had thought about me all of those years. I politely said I wasn't interested.
And told him that at 47, I was probably looking for more than he could offer. Partnership, sharing my life with someone etc. He pursued me for a few weeks and I wondered if he had changed. The chemistry is definitely there and we get on so well when we're together. However, he is a workaholic. He has a full time job (qualified plumber). When he's not on shift, he's fixing someone's boiler. Every day. Over the last few weeks, he's managed to take me out 3 times. Normally arriving late. I had stipulated that I wanted to hear from him every day this time. To at least keep the spark going. He texts me every morning. we exchange a few messages, then nothing till the following day. I understand that he's busy and used to that way of life but surely he can take 5 minutes to consider me throughout the day? Not sure why I'm asking, I think I already know the answer. I even consider whether he is actually working all those hours or whether he has someone else. I have tried: I've laid it on the line this time. He knows exactly how I feel. I haven't got time to waste on platonic relationships. I think it was caused by: I think he is scared of losing what he has become used to. His bachelor life, which to me seems quite sad. He is 48, been on his own for 13 years, works 16 hours per day, every day and I think he doesn't know how to draw back from work and consider a female
I think you are very smart...and you do know. Just make sure he isn't one of those people who don't like texting, talking, etc. Good luck. You deserve someone more into you than he seems.
I broke up with my boyfriend, I was with him for 4 years. How can I get over this?
Boyfriend with 4 years, I can't stop thinking about him, we both love each other but parents don't. How do I stop thinking about him
I don't know what you should do. Love is love and it isn't going to go away because your parents object. Sadly, when couples breakup for reasons other than they don't love each other anymore - there is no closure. Good luck with your life.
Referencing this Article
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APA (American Psychological Association)
Valid Reasons Not to Trust Your Boyfriend. (2016). In VisiHow. Retrieved May 28, 2017, from http://visihow.com/Valid_Reasons_Not_to_Trust_Your_Boyfriend
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Categories : Relationships
Recent edits by: Chicken Wings, VisiHow, Colleen2211