Use Increased Self-Respect to Improve Your Relationship

Edited by Donna, Eng

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The Benefits of Increased Self-Respect On Your Relationship

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[[Image:hear_70699.jpg|center|frame|Self-respect leads to mutual respect and a better relationship.]

If you don't respect yourself, then others won't either. This principle also applies to your relationship, because how much someone values you is often a reflection of your self-worth. There is nothing selfish about putting your needs first, even if others tell you that self-care is egotistical or vain. It is natural, pragmatic and psychologically healthy to put yourself first. The fact that you have high self-esteem will make your partner love you, respect you and perceive your time together as precious.

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The benefits of increased self-respect on your relationship include:

  • Attracting loving behavior from your partner, who admires your high opinion of yourself and attention to self-care
  • A relationship that is based on equality rather than people pleasing or conditions that is less than fair
  • More affection, romance and sex, as people who have self-respect are better groomed than those with low self-worth
  • Less of a tendency to be manipulated by a partner who does not respect your time or goals
  • Being taken more seriously by your partner, who knows that you respect yourself enough to leave the relationship if it is not working for you

Signs That You Have Lost Your Self-Respect In a Relationship

If you are doing all of the work, it means your partner has lost respect for you.

Here the signs that a relationship is causing you to lose your sense of self-worth. If you are having any of these experiences, it is time to take steps needed to regain your self-respect.

  1. 1
    You don't feel like you and your partner are equals
    .
    This is a sure sign that you need to work on your self-respect because it means that the relationship has become codependent, with one partner (you) constantly trying to prevent the other from leaving by bending over backward for him and her. In this scenario, nothing you do is good enough and you accept being told so, with no regard for your own needs as a human being.
    Your partner may snub you no matter how nice you are to him.
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  2. 2
    You feel like a child and the partner is your parent
    .
    In this scenario, your status has been diminished to the point that you are not even treated like a mature adult. The fact that you are treated like someone who can't take care of yourself, or even like a baby might seem cute at first, but it is ultimately very damaging to your self-esteem.
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  3. 3
    You have no say about what happens in your relationship
    .
    Your partner does not even respect you enough to ask your opinion as to what should happen in the future. He or she makes all the decisions while you are just forced to go along with what he or she says. If you do try to voice your opinion, it is ignored or not heard, because it is not valued.
    Being ignored is not good for your self-respect.
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  4. 4
    You are deeply discouraged by the fact that your partner does not take you seriously
    .
    Every time you voice your intentions, dreams or life plans you are ignored or even scoffed at. This causes you to feel despair and the distress you are in can affect every other aspect of your existence, from your grooming to your sex-life to your ability to be in a positive and productive mood.
    He is defiant or belittles you when you express your concerns.
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  5. 5
    You see no point in dressing up or looking sexy because you have not had any romance or intimacy from your partner in months
    .
    People who feel neglected in a relationship cannot help but feel a low sense of self-worth. They often also feel insecure sexually and fear that their partner might be cheating on them.
    Letting yourself go is a sign of low self-esteem.
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  6. 6
    You feel burdened with your partner's problems and feel like your partner will be offended if you do not solve them
    .
    People with a low sense of self-worth try to find it by willingly taking on the issues of others, with the irony being that the person they are trying to help respects them even less than ever.
    You might be tired of taking on your partner's problems and handling bad moods.
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Steps to Increasing Your Self-Respect and Improving Your Relationship

Saying no helps to increase your self-respect.

Increasing your self-respect can take time, especially if you were raised or recently conditioned to believe that you are worthless, unattractive or stupid person.

Here are some ways to improve your relationship by increasing your self-respect to achieve better self-esteem.

  1. 1
    Sit down and make a list of one hundred things that are absolutely great about being you
    .
    The point of this exercise is to counteract all of the negative feedback that you might have been getting from your partner about your self-worth. This exercise also helps to counteract any negative babble from any inner critic that you might have that tells you that you do not deserve better than what you have now.
    Don't be hard on yourself as you make a list about the things that are great about you.
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  2. 2
    Set personal boundaries and keep them
    .
    If you feel that your partner is taking advantage of you, then say so. Draw the line when it comes to anything that this person does to demean you, including saddling you with extra work or blame, taking credit for your accomplishments, using you as a therapist or servant, gossiping about you, ignoring you and not letting you in on the inside track when it comes to knowing future plans. Standing up for yourself like this is a great way to rebuild your damaged self-esteem.
    Set boundaries with your partner and be stubborn about keeping them.
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  3. 3
    If you say you are going to do something, do it without complaint or explanation
    .
    A sure way for you to increase your self-respect is to choose a goal and keep it. This can be something as simple as saving a certain amount of money by a certain date or losing weight. The same goes for making a promise to someone. Always keep your promises to others and follow-through with them and you will soon feel like a million bucks.
    Set a goal and meet it, such as getting your degree, and do it without explanation or complaint.
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  4. 4
    Ask that your partner stop using baby talk with you and talk to you like an adult
    .
    If your partner is calling you babe or talking to you like they would a toddler or a pet, then it is time to ask them to stop. It is ill dignified and damaging to your self-esteem to be talked to like this, especially in public, where others can overhear and wonder why you let yourself be humiliated this way.
    Being babied too much is damaging to your self-respect.
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  5. 5
    Don't gossip about others to make yourself appear like a person of value to your partner
    .
    Gossiping is a roundabout way of trying to make your partner see that you are worthier than others. It often backfires and makes him or her respect you even less. Furthermore, you will feel much better about yourself if you become the type of person that does not have one bad word to say about anybody.
    People with low self-esteem gossip to appear of more value to others.
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  6. 6
    Reign in any jealousy that you may feel towards your partner's friends or people that you feel are a romantic threat to the relationship
    .
    It is not unusual for people with low self-esteem to be overwhelmed with insecurity whenever other people spending time with your partner. If you drop all jealousy and stop giving your partner so much power to make you feel happy or sad, your self-esteem will improve substantially.
    The experience of jealousy is bad for your self-esteem.
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  7. 7
    Surround yourself with a supportive crew of friends who know your true worth as a person
    .
    It is quite easy to tell who is supportive, because the non-supportive individuals will often try to sabotage your efforts to better yourself. Stick with positive, emotionally healthy, practical and forward-looking individuals and stay away from negative, critical or sarcastic individuals\
    Surround yourself with a supportive crew of positive friends.
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  8. 8
    Resolve that only you have the power to make yourself happy or sad
    .
    Stop being a reactive personality and start being a proactive one. A reactive personality does not garner respect from others because it is much too willing to relinquish self-control to another. Relationship issues do not have the power to ruin a proactive individual's day. Your sense of self-respect increases exponentially once you make the decision to be accountable for how you feel, no matter what is going on in your life.
    Choosing happiness instead of dwelling on your partner, boosts your self-esteem.
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  9. 9
    Have faith in yourself and pay attention to your gut instincts
    .
    People with low self-esteem tend to listen to everyone else but themselves, and this steers them onto the wrong path in life, fulfilling everyone else's desires and not their own. You will gain the respect of both yourself and your partner if you display the type of grounded confidence that is typical of successful people.
    Staying grounded and trusting your own intuition can boost your self-respect.
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Tips and Tricks

Expect some resistance from your partner to your attempt to change.

  • If you have been suffering from low self-worth for a long time, expect some rebellion from your partner, and also those around you, who may have benefited from your need to please and insecurity
  • Putting your own needs first is not selfish or egotistical, it shows personal strength and a desire to nurture and be trusted
  • If you genuinely feel that, your partner thinks that he or she is better than you, than leave the relationship
  • If you're partner is putting you down in front of others, the thing to do is leave the relationship as the more you try to improve your relationship, the worst this can get
  • If your partner resists your attempts to increase your self-esteem by making fun o you or making you feel dumb or stupid
  • If you had high self-esteem at the beginning of a relationship and now feel worthless, because of something that your partner continues to do or say, then it is time to leave the relationship

If you have problems with any of the steps in this article, please ask a question for more help, or post in the comments section below.

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Categories : Relationships

Recent edits by: Donna

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