Tell your Spouse that it’s over

Edited by estrella sacragon, Anonymous, Lynn, Eng

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As James Ingram's song goes, "There's no easy way to break somebody's heart". True enough, breaking up with your partner can be a very daunting

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task. After all, no one is really that comfortable, especially when they are aware that they are about to break up and are bound to break someone else's heart.

A breakup can really be painful. In fact, a lot of people will say that inflicting physical pain on your partner is a lot easier that causing them emotional pain. Relationships and marriages may give you the most romantic and happiest love stories of all time; however, they do have their bad sides too. Love relationships can also cause you the most heartbreaking and saddest times of your life. No perfect relationships exist.

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There will really come a point when you have to make the first step into ending a non-harmonious partnership once and for all. Maybe you have your own reasons for why you want to put an end to everything, but nevertheless, a break up is really difficult. So how do you tell your spouse that everything has to be put to an end? Here are some helpful tips.

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How to Tell Your Spouse that it's Over

  1. 1
    Don't go beating around the bush.
    Once you have firmly decided that you want your relationship to end, make sure you have a substantial explanation about why you want to get away from the relationship in the first place. It is never a good practice to leave someone hanging, let alone leave them without even having the decency to say goodbye. Remember that the person you are trying to leave somehow has become a part of your life. The least that you can do is to give the respect due them �" even if you have already decided to leave them.
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  2. 2
    Be honest.
    Try to be brutally honest as much as you can. Do not make lame excuses far from the truth, because it will only make things more complicated in the future. Nothing beats telling your spouse the truth so that you both can move on and live separate lives smoothly, without having questions that still need to be answered. When at times you think telling the truth will only hurt your partner all the more, have the consolation that the truth is better than a lie. No matter what the reason �" maybe you just got tired of your spouse because he or she is boring - you have to directly share with them your issues. Just make sure you do not sound overly rude in telling these things to them; otherwise you will only add insult to injury.
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  3. 3
    Proper closure.
    After you break up with your spouse, do not be a tease, and never play with their emotions and feelings. Bear in mind that by the time you call it "quits", your spouse's heart will be very vulnerable. Avoid being too mushy and too nice because your partner may misconstrue things into believing that you still have feelings for them.
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A separation is painful. But it is even more painful to stay in a relationship that is no longer a harmonious and happy one. So do what you're supposed to do and spare yourself from enduring the pain of keeping up with someone you are no longer happy with.

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The Importance of Marriage Counseling before a Divorce

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Married couples normally have relationship problems. And while most couples try their hardest to patch things up and hopefully save their marriage, there are those who think divorce is the best solution to their marital problems. However, it is still important for couples to seek marriage counseling before they actually jump into having a divorce. Couples may seek the help of marriage counselors to guide them in resolving their partnership issues and hopefully build a happier and more harmonious marriage. Today, with almost half of all marriages in the US ending in a traumatic divorce, a lot of couples are now faced with problems serious enough for them to seek the right marriage counselors. Below is some information you may want to look at about marriage counseling and divorce.

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What do marriage counselors do?

Typically, marriage counselors are people trained in addressing all kinds of marital and relationship issues. The most common problems include issues in communication, finances, household responsibilities, childcare, infidelity, drug addiction, alcoholism, in-laws, romantic or sexual issues, intelligence and cultural differences, or abuse.

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How can a marriage counselor help you?

Marriage counselors are schooled and trained in psychoanalysis and dynamics. They are trained to help their clients in working out their problems and help these couples come up with mutually-beneficial solutions and compromises.

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Say for instance, if a couple has eventually grown apart because of their very hectic schedules, thus making it very hard for them to spend quality time together, a marriage counselor might pitch in and suggest that the couple must have regular evening or day that both must reserve just for each other. That way, the couple can learn to get to know each other all over again and optimistically save the marriage.

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If a couple is constantly bickering with each other over finances, the marriage counselor might tell the couple to find out a way where both can share an amenable decision making on spending.

There are lots of therapists who specialize in dealing with problematic married couples, and they are specially trained at helping each spouse open their lines of communication. Marriage counselors often hear couples saying "We just can't communicate anymore. We always end up fighting". In marriage counseling, counselors often include in their "lecture" some conflict resolution and teaching communication skills, knowing that good communication plays a very critical role in achieving healthy and harmonious relationships.

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A marriage counselor can easily pinpoint underlying marital problems of which both spouses are not aware or are not able to deal on their own. A skilled marriage counselor will not assign blame or guilt for marital issues. Instead, these helpful professionals strive to teach their clients to come to terms with working through their particular issues, get over negative feelings, and accept their past so they can easily move forward.

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When you and your spouse first notice problems, it is best to immediately contact a professional marriage counselor. Why wait for things to get worse, when you can still save your marriage with the help of marriage counselors?

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How to tell your partner you want a divorce: Breaking it gently

Marriage - this is considered one of the most sanctified processes, since

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it entails the unification of man and woman as husband and wife. However, due to certain reasons, marriage may end up in divorce, and as a matter of fact, it is quite common.

There are people who question the emergence of divorce in the law. Nevertheless, it is really up to couples on how they can spice up their relationship to defy divorce. However, if both parties know that being together is just one big joke, then probably, the soundest solution is divorce.

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According to those who have already undergone the process, the hardest thing is telling their former spouse or partner that they want a divorce. Therefore, there are a lot of people in unhappy marriages who are asking, how can they break the news softly? Of course, even though they want to end the heartache, they still want to make sure that everything will go smoothly, as much as possible, without complications. Here are some ways to tell your spouse about the impending divorce:

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  1. 1
    Those who want to ask a divorce should tell their partners that they have a relevant topic or issue to talk about.
    It's not a good idea to talk about the divorce while having an argument. It's best to break the news when both parties are relaxed and calm. Both parties should also have pertinent time to have a conversation, and it must be face to face.
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  2. 2
    Couples must select a suitable location where they can talk nicely and privately.
    According to Sam Marguiles, divorce expert and author, when talking about divorce, both should eliminate distractions, and turn their cellphones off.
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  3. 3
    Prior to talking, either the man or woman, or whomever wants the divorce should know what exactly to say before the conversation.
    As explained by Marguiles, the way how to tell the partner about the divorce and what is about to be said could determine the end result of the process. When breaking the news, the person must be kind, direct, confident, and calm.
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  4. 4
    It's also crucial to make sure that the decision to ask for a divorce is final and that the person is determined to do so.
    As explained by Dr. Gail Saltz, who's a psychiatrist at the New York Presbyterian Hospital, both parties should acknowledge their failures and their faults. In order to prevent the spark of heated discussions, the one who wants a divorce should not blame his or her partner, and he or she should avoid making comments about the other party's deficiencies or mistakes.
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  5. 5
    The reaction of the other party is definitely uncontrollable according to Dr.
    Saltz. There will be mixed emotions, such as hurt and anger, as well as shock. Thus, the one who wants to ask for a divorce should give his or her partner time to speak what's in his or her mind. Listening without interrupting the other party is also a must, and encouraging the "receiver of the news" to express his or her feelings is also important.
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  6. 6
    When it comes to divorces, both parties should expect that there will be future discussions.
    Thus, the "news breaker" should give the other party time to accept the decision. At a later time, both parties may discuss the divorce process. However, especially during the first conversation about the divorce, both parties should not talk about practical aspects, like who's going to get the house or any of the belongings. There must be a reassurance that the "breaker of the news" aims for a fair and peaceful process. It's as crucial to have a healthy divorce as it is to have a healthy marriage, most especially if the couple has kids.
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Tips in Dealing with an Unreasonable Ex

So what comes first in your mind when you hear the word 'unreasonable'? In most cases, you may think only of two types of unreasonable people: bitter ex spouses and hungry or sleepy babies or toddlers. Both of them display similar behaviors and characteristics including big tantrums, screaming for something very minor, stubbornness, complete inability to reason, or yelling about anything and everything that comes into mind.

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If you have not yet experienced being with a toddler but you do have a very unreasonable ex spouse, then consider yourself all geared up for parenthood! So how do you deal with a very unreasonable ex spouse? Here are some three helpful ways.

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  1. 1
    Redirecting.
    Redirecting is a classic but a sure-fire move especially for toddlers. When you notice your kids playing on your electric socket, you turn them right back around to distract their attention. Although this will still give you total peace of mind, at least you are assured that your little scientists are distracted away from danger. The same theory also applies for your ex spouse. When your ex calls you and start demanding that you pay for half the dues of summer camp, redirection is the secret. To do this, why not try to pop back and say "Oh my, I forgot to tell you. We can try switching weekends in April. Do remind me again about that OK? Geez, have to go. Just text me that date and I'll be more than willing to switch. Bye!" You see? The summer camp money is totally forgotten and you have yourself some good credit for switching weekends. A win-win situation, no doubt.
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  2. 2
    Time Out.
    When you notice your kids getting unruly, the latest punishment of choice is the time out. For instance, if your little girl throws a fit because she can't get the Barbie doll she wants, put her in a time out for at least three minutes. You can make her sit on a special chair so she can think about what she has done. And while you hope your princess will make better choices in the future, chances are, she is still going to throw a fit again next week. As with your ex, you have seen his behaviors before, you know you are going to see them again. However, it is never acceptable that you tolerate that behavior all the time. This is where the time out comes into the picture. "John I am sorry but I honestly don't like that way you are talking to me. I am hanging up on you now. Just call me back when you feel you are ready to talk in a more productive manner. Until then, leave me alone." And then you simply hang up.
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  3. 3
    Ignore.
    When your ex spouse starts nagging on you for the lamest reason, just ignore. Tell them that you will not speak to them until they call you without screaming your name over the phone and when they stop being so unreasonable.
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How to Make Your Ex Understand About Divorce

Divorce is very common these days. Although things change as time passes by, no one really expects everything to be just the same. But just the same, divorce cases 50 years ago compared to divorce issues nowadays are completely different animals. Today, it has become more common because it has also become more socially acceptable and is generally consider a healthier and more likely, the best solution for unhappy marriages.

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Divorce can be easily obtained these days. However, before you finally go through with severing your marriage legally, it is important that and your ex have to evaluate things because with divorce, there is very little chance of turning back. So here are some important details that you should considering before going for a divorce.

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Is this the Right Thing to Do?

This is a very big question and will mean different things to different people under different situations. The primary thing to think about is, the right thing for whom? When you are contemplating on a divorce, maybe you feel like you are left with no other option. However, you should also factor in some important people in the situation. Think about your children. The effect of divorce on them should be weighed carefully against the effect of raising them in a possibly dysfunctional home. You should also think about how this will affect your spouse.

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Can you still live with what this might mean to them? There really comes a point in time when you must decide whose needs are of top priority. If you consistently answer that everything is for your own, then no doubt, divorce is the right thing at this point in time, for you.

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What are your Expectations?

In most cases, humans live in some sort of a fantasy world. They tend to believe that if only they aren't stuck in a loveless relationship, or if only they were married with the right person, they would be able to find their one true love and achieve their own happy-ever-after ending. However, the more experienced you are with relationships and love, the more you start to realize that intimate relationships are some crucible of sorts that will help you determine the real character of a person. If you notice abuse in your marriage, or in various situations where deception is already taking place, then no doubt divorce is the only possible scenario this time .

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How will your Life Improve?

A lot of people who are contemplating on having a divorce have these fantasies about having better lives afterwards. You tend to believe that if only you are free from the abusive chances that bind you with this person, you would be as free and as carefree as pursuing your true fulfillment and happiness. Of course this feeling is generally understandable, but, you have to be extra cautious this time in taking a course of action based on your own fantasy. Make sure that your ideas of achieving a better life have a real chance of happening in this real world.

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How to Run Away from your Ex

Not all marriages are made in heaven and laid on a bed of roses. For a marriage to be a happy and harmonious one, it takes a considerable amount of work. For most couples, giving up on a marriage is never a consideration. However as divorce becomes more socially acceptable and so easy to obtain, getting out of marriage is what most unhappy couples normally do. If you are no longer happy with your spouse, there is no reason for you to stay and continue living a miserable life. So here are some signs you need to consider to help you identify if it is about high time to run away from your ex.

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  1. 1
    Frequent Argument and Disrespect.
    If there are constant bickering and unending disagreements between you and your spouse, this is a definite sign that your marriage is not doing well. Abusive behaviors and disrespect are also other signs of unhappy marriages. There are some couples that even resort to name calling�"telling hurtful and very vulgar things against each other, and bringing up past issues just to purposely hurt the other. While some are verbally abusive, others could turn worse and be physically violent. A marriage full of disrespect should tell you that you must start packing up your things and contemplate on running away from your ex this time.
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  2. 2
    Lack of Communication.
    You need to run away from your ex by the time you notice that you no longer communicate with each other effectively. If either of the partners has decided to stop communication like they normally do, this is a clear indication of unhappiness in the marriage. While some couples resort to getting into arguments or verbal bashings, there are some who abruptly stop communicating and start to be distance with each other. They begin to get distant from each other, and eventually put an end into sharing their feelings and thoughts. By the time you notice that you and your spouse are keeping yourselves busy just to avoid the real issues, this is a clear manifestation that the marriage is doomed to end.
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  3. 3
    Lying and Keeping Secrets from each other.
    When the marriage is on the verge of separation, most couples end up becoming too secretive about their personal activities. For example, you notice your spouse moving away from you for private phone conversations, or they switch off their mobile phones when you appear in front of them, be aware. One obvious sign of a failing marriage is when your spouse is no longer willing to share his dreams and hopes with you.
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  4. 4
    No more time together.
    If you notice your spouse is spending most of their time with friends instead of you, your marriage is obviously in trouble. Your spouse may even find some excuses about having to work home late just to avoid being with you. Extended working hours, frequent trips made by either spouse, more time spent with friends separately, these are all signs that you should start contemplating about running away from your ex.
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How to Show your Ex that You are not Meant for each Other

When you are in a relationship but you are no longer happy about it, then you have to watch out for the tell-tale sign. There are actually lots of signs in a relationship or marriage that will tell you that everything is going down the drain. You can either just acknowledge that maybe; the best solution is to give up on the relationship, although you may also decide to try and repair if it is still possible.

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For any unhappy relationship partner, telling your better half about the real score may seem like a very daunting task. So how do you go about in telling your ex that you really aren't meant for each other? Below are some signs that you can share with your partner on what made you come to a conclusion to finally give up on the relationship.

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  1. 1
    No more dates.
    Without going out for dates together and doing the usual things as a couple, you can pretty much tell that the relationship is going down the drain or becoming one of those situations where you just both go through the motions. On the onset when your relationship is just going smoothly as expected, it is normally a foregone conclusion that your weekends mean that you both are going to spend your time together. Both of you will always look forward to it. When all these are gone, this can be a clear indication that some trouble is up ahead.
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  2. 2
    No more conversations.
    Granting that you still both go out on your usual weekend dates; try to notice how you both are treating each other. Anybody can tell a happy couple that is still so much madly in love with each other, or at least visible enough to notice that both are enjoying each other's company just by looking at them when they are on a date. When things are pretty much well and the passion and fire is still there, the flow of conversation just naturally sets in. but when you notice that you and your spouse are just sitting silently together when you dine, this is a clear sign that the spark of the love bug is starting to wear off and dissipated from the relationship.
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  3. 3
    No more romancing.
    Romancing somehow dies a little the longer you are with someone. But if this romance has completely died, then you can really tell that things are indeed over. You and your spouse should at least woo each other once in a while if you really want a relationship to truly last. If there is no more romance, then maybe you have to take a deeper look on things at this point.
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  4. 4
    More Time Apart.
    If you notice that both you and your partner spend more time being apart and this doesn't bother you any bit, this is a bad sign in the marriage. When this gets too much, you tend to grow away from each other and eventually put the relationship to a final halt.
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Questions and Answers

I need to escape from alcoholism and abuse but he thinks we're moving together but we're not I'm afraid of telling him but he needs to know it's over?

I need to tell my spouse that we're not moving to the new home together.. I've taken steps to be sure he isn't welcome in the retirement community.. They said "We don't want drunks or abusers here but I fear him.. He just totaled our car 2 nights ago. He was very abusive when he came home to tell me.. Should I just put aside my fears and say "You're not moving on with me". I have tried: 30 years of abuse. I think it was caused by: Alcoholism

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Categories : Marriage

Recent edits by: Lynn, Anonymous, estrella sacragon

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