Tell if Your Boyfriend Can Build a Future with You

Edited by Donna, Eng


You might be very pleased that your boyfriend has finally committed to spending the rest of his life with you. However, the question is, should you be or should you be questioning whether or not he is actually up for the job?

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It is one thing to love a guy, but quite another to consider building a future with him. Whether he becomes your husband or a long-term live-in partner, you want to make sure that you are spending your time and energy on someone who is committed to making the most of your union in all spheres of interaction. This means that he must be able to interact with you emotionally, physically and especially financially in a way that is reciprocal, balanced and mutually profitable.

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Here are some ways to tell if your partner is all talk or whether or not he is actually capable of living up to his potential in life and as your mate.

  1. 1
    Evaluate the difference between who he says he is and who he says he is going to be
    .
    Is there a big gap between what he claims is his future ambition in life and where he is now? Do you really think that he can rise above his current circumstance to fulfill his dream? Take a good, hard cold look at your partner's intellectual and financial capacities and being realistic about who he is, because this can tell you a lot about whether he has any chance of living up to his potential.
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  2. 2
    Does he tell you all about his big dreams for the future but never makes a move towards achieving them
    ?
    This is a big sign that this man makes a better casual lover than a husband. People who talk about their big ideas and then cannot implement them often blame their partner down the line for sabotaging their career. Usually, you have nothing to do with why his life is not unfolding properly because it was all a bit of a fantasy in the first place. This type of individual will also suggest you live together, then get married, but of course it does not ever happen. If he is not walking his talk, then treat him more casually, rather than as a potential mate for life.
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  3. 3
    Is he a flexible, adaptable individual who can go with the flow in order to survive
    ?
    Some very lovable men are also very eccentric and used to having their way. If he resists change and new ideas and balks at the idea of adjusting his behavior to adapt to changing circumstances, then he is not likely to be a good life partner. Rigid people often stay in situations that cause them to stagnate, especially financially, because they sacrifice their careers and your comfort too, just so they can stay stuck in their comforting personal daily rituals.
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  4. 4
    Step back and evaluate how he is treating you in your life right now
    .
    Be as objective, cold and hard as possible as you view him as if you were a stranger. Is he keeping his promises to you or does he keep putting off important milestones that might propel your relationship forward? If he is, stop making excuses for his bad behavior and start keeping track of the number of promises he has broken and goals he has not achieved since you have known him. If you detect a pattern, expect it to repeat itself throughout your marriage.
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  5. 5
    What is your partner's track record
    ?
    A man who has a record of setting goals and meeting them is a real catch. Even if he grew up very poor and has not assets, you have a better chance with him than with a mate that starts out rich and then squanders your future because he has no idea how to build a future or be a team player.
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  6. 6
    Does your partner have an addiction of any kind
    ?
    Most people have vices, which means they have a weakness for wine, chocolate or a cigar now and then. People who are addicted have absolutely no control over their behavior and will put their addiction before your welfare every single time. Common addictions to watch out for are tobacco, any recreational drugs, prescription drugs, food, Internet pornography, on and offline gambling and sex. Addictions to recreational substances and food are dangerous because they are very costly and can also sabotage your partner's health. Be honest about the extent of the person's problem and whether or not you can support him if he becomes unemployable or sick because of his habit.
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  7. 7
    Did he cheat on his last girlfriend or on his wife to be with you
    ?
    If so there is a big chance that he will cheat on you during your relationship. This is because cheating can actually be an addiction for some people, having them experience a cheater's high and more intense sex, if they do it behind their partner's back. It is also very hard to change a person, simply by demanding they be loyal, when they have already demonstrated that they are capable of having a secret affair. Watching a man betray another woman and lie to her will always have you wondering whether or not you can truly trust him
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  8. 8
    Do you feel like a life coach, rather than a girlfriend
    ?
    If you are spending all of your time pushing him to become the person you want him to be, rather than recognizing him for who he really is, then you have to ask yourself if he is going to be worth it. Many women invest a lot of time and energy in a partnership, trying to fix a man, only to be disappointed by his life choices over the long term, because they have fallen in love with his potential, instead of him.
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  9. 9
    Does he invest in you like you are investing him
    ?
    Whether the issue is investing time, money or both, you need to assess whether or not he is supporting you with the same enthusiasm that you support him. If you have fallen in love with his potential, instead of which he really is, you might find yourself spending a lot of money to help him get through school to be lawyer at the expense of your own education and career. This can lead to a lack of options, when you are an older woman and also a case of low self-esteem. Many women have found out the hard way that there is no pay off to all of their devotion once he does reach his goal. There is also the danger that you could pay for his schooling or other training and then find out that he has left you for someone else.
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  10. 10
    Does speak about "we" instead of "me" when he talks to other people
    .
    A great partner will always include you in his conversations when he talks about his life plans. He will say something like, "We are really looking forward to our trip to Italy this year,, rather than "Guess what! I'm going to Italy!" A man who only speaks about himself, is not thinking about you in the present and is not including you in his picture of the future.
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  11. 11
    Does he have a physical or mental illness that is progressive and cannot be cured
    .
    When you are in love with someone, it is quite easy to overlook the long-term consequences of somebody who ill, as you often end up taking care of them. As the illness worsens, there also becomes a point in the relationship when the individual cannot return your affection, which can be a very painful and also expensive experience.
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Tips and Tricks

Are you looking at your boyfriend through rose colored glasses and not seeing him for who he really is?
  • Keep in mind, that it is quite common for a woman to be in love with a guy's potential and not see who he really is until after a few months, or even years after the start of the relationship
  • If you are in the early stages of the relationship keep in mind that you might be looking at your lover through rose-colored glasses, romanticizing who he is and his achievements, which in actuality, might not be achievements at all
  • It is okay to settle for "less than perfect" in relationships, but you do want to avoid someone who may throw away a perfectly happy future because they have personal flaws that you are overlooking at the moment because you are in love

If you have problems with any of the steps in this article, please ask a question for more help, or post in the comments section below.

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Categories : Relationships

Recent edits by: Donna

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