Tell if He Is Still in Love with His Ex - 15 Sure Signs

Edited by Donna, Eng, Inukshuk, Anonymous and 4 others


The Good And The Bad About A Boyfriend Who Still Sees His Ex

The fact that your boyfriend still gets along with his ex can be both good and bad. A man who is friendly with the woman who came before you, may demonstrate he has the ability to forgive and forget. Perhaps it reveals his positive attitude toward life and love in general, and the fact that you don't get upset when he sees his ex, reveals your trust in him.

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However, there are some situations when suspicion (he comments on tons of her Facebook photos), progresses to a justified fear (she is texting him at 1:00 a.m. and he is hiding the messages from you), that may cause you to question if he is still in love with his ex.

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Is There Really Something Going On Or Are You Just Jealous?

You might have a ring on your finger, declarations of love and he may already be a fixture in your life, but you still have this nagging suspicion that he would rather be with her.

It's difficult to distinguish between those moments of paranoia that they might get back together, and disturbing intuition, punctuated by a bunch of red flags, that that tells you in his heart, you are his second choice. Bear in mind that he does not have to be actively seeing her, or even talking to her, to still be in love with her. The signs that he's not over her might be evident in his behavior toward her, his lifestyle choices, or in by the way he treats you.

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Here Are 15 Signs He Is Still In Love With His Ex

  1. 1
    All About Her.
    Does he steal special moments by talking about her and the past. If he sabotages good times by piping up with a story about having exactly the same, or similar, or worst, better experience with his ex? If the story becomes a rambling memoir that he cannot stop himself from telling, and at the end of the tale, he releases a wistful little sigh. He is probably still in love with her.
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  2. 2
    There's a Very Fine Line Between Love & Hate.
    Does he talk about her with too much emotion. The opposite of love is indifference, not hate. If your guy talks about his ex with sadness and sorrow, as if he misses her, or if your guy talks about his ex with anger and bitterness, as if he resents her…he's probably still in love with her.
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  3. 3
    Comparing You to Her.
    Does he compare you to her way too often? When he does, do you feel as if ex is his ideal, and he secretly worships her, and nothing you do can live up to her? These kinds of comparisons are insensitive, and demonstrate his inability to move forward with a new woman. You just might wake up one morning very soon, to realize you are in a rebound relationship, and he's not there for the long term. Even if the comparisons he makes puts her in a negative light, it's still not a good sign because he's still obsessing about the past in an unhealthy way. Either way, these constant comparisons indicate he's probably still in love with her.
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  4. 4
    She's The First to Know.
    Does he rob you of celebrating the milestones of his life by telling her the good news first? If every time something wonderful happens in his life, you are the second to find out. If she knows about his promotion before you do and announces it on Facebook before he even tells you. If she is the first person he thinks of to tell of a death or birth in the family. If you feel she enjoys her position in his life, and she is taking your relationship hostage. The worst �" if you feel he betrays your confidences by discussing them with her, he's probably still in love with her.
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  5. 5
    What Does She Think?
    Does he still look for her approval before making a big decision or making a change in his life? Does it feel as if he still needs his ex's approval, and he's involving her in every life decision he makes, including the one to take your relationship to the next level? If he insists the two of you meet, and you feel as if it's more of a chance for her to measure you up in order to counsel him on your relationship, he's probably still in love with her.
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  6. 6
    Password Protected.
    Does he hide his texts from her from you citing privacy? A man who hides texts from his ex, is probably saying things to her that are inappropriate, and would make you question his loyalty. He may make the argument that what goes on between them is none of your business or private, however, if openness and honesty about his communications with other people are not part of your relationship, then you might want to consider why he has such an excessive need for personal privacy in the first place, and if that's a trait you can tolerate in a long term partner. If he's secretive about his ex, he's probably still in love with her.
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  7. 7
    He is still in contact with her, but he doesn't want you to ask questions about her, and if you do ask questions, they go unanswered.
    Often, if he's keeping information about his ex to himself, he secretly believes there's a chance they'll get back together, and he doesn't want you to know too much about her, or know her. It also, in his mind, curbs suspicions you may have about her. Of course this doesn't actually work, and in fact increases suspicion, but he doesn't know that. If he believes that not answering your questions about his ex will save you from disappointment, he's probably still in love with her.
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  8. 8
    In a Relationship With?
    Are you still waiting for him to update his Facebook relationship status to being in a relationship with you? A man who refuses to update his Facebook relationship status with your name may still be trying to protect the feelings of an ex or even actively cheating with her. He might even tell you he doesn't want to announce his commitment to you on social media because it might upset her. If he puts his ex's feelings before yours, he is not committed or loyal and you have every right to be suspicious of his behavior. He's probably still in love with her.
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  9. 9
    Harmful Flirting.
    Is your guy flirting endlessly with his ex on Facebook, or other social media. Facebook is ultimately a publicity tool and when two people decide to flirt with each other on each other's wall for the general public to see then you can safely conclude that your current boyfriend does not have much respect or consideration for you, and neither does his ex. They deserve each other! He's not only still in love with her, but he's a real jerk!
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  10. 10
    Who's She With?
    Does he seem jealous of his ex's new partner? This is a huge red flag and does not bode well for your relationship. It might be time for you to suggest he follow his heart's desire rather than string you along any longer, because he's probably still in love with her.
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  11. 11
    You Feel Like A Pawn.
    Does he try to use you to make her jealous? You might be invited to the same dinner party, or the two of you might just bump into her by chance, but when in the presence of his ex, does he suddenly become overly affectionate, pulling your body into his, perhaps kissing you awkwardly? He might be using you as a tool to make her jealous. If you feel it's not so much about demonstrating to her how wonderful his life is, but more about a maneuver to get her back into his arms, he's probably still in love with her.
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  12. 12
    Too Touchy.
    Do they touch each other when they talk? Kiss and hug when they greet each other? If your boyfriend and his ex are physically affectionate in front of you, then there's a chance they are both still into each other. He can claim it's "just innocent", or "just a joke", but the bottom line is this - neither of them have any regard or respect for you. If he laughs at any accusations, calls you jealous or insecure or belittles the fact that you're upset, he is putting her first. It is high time you let go of this one, before he embarrasses you any further. He's probably still in love with her, as well as being an insensitive jerk.
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  13. 13
    It's Not In Your Head.
    He gaslights you if you find evidence of infidelity. When men tell their women that their suspicions or fears are all in their heads, it's called Gaslighting. This term comes from the 1944 thriller Gaslight, about a man who slowly manipulates his wife into thinking she is crazy, doubting her own perceptions and memories, so no one will believe her claims that her husband is trying to kill her. Whether they're aware of it or not, men who cheat, or still seeing their ex, practice a version of this by telling their partners they are just jealous, unstable or even crazy to imagine a disloyalty or an affair. He may tell her that she is obsessed with his ex and not him. If this is your situation, get out now. He's not only still in love with her, he's a cheat, and a manipulative creep.
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  14. 14
    Love The One You're With?
    He treats you as an option rather than a choice. When a man is in love with a woman he does not allow intrusive influences of any kind to interrupt the peace, bliss and security of his relationship. He shows his total commitment and loyalty to that woman and she must feel like she is #1, If you feel like #2, or one of many options, then it is time to find someone who has more respect for you. He's probably still in love with her, or maybe just himself.
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  15. 15
    Emotional Betrayal.
    Does his behavior toward his ex feel like emotional infidelity? If you're caught in a situation where his attitude toward his ex put you in a very uncomfortable position? Does his behavior change for the better when he's around her? Do you watch his eyes, and wish he'd look at you that way? When he's with his ex, do they share jokes that you are not included in? All these things point to emotional infidelity. This public betrayal of loyalty in is humiliating and shows that she still has his heart, and he's probably still in love with her.
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If He's Really Over Her

  • There shouldn't be a reason for him to talk about his ex, although mentioning her once in a blue moon is okay. She was part of his life.
  • He should never make you feel he'd rather be with her instead of you.
  • A man who is over his ex, does not emotionally dwell on the past when he's with you.
  • If he is free and clear of his ex, he will be happy when she finds happiness with someone else, not jealous.
  • He makes you feel as if you are a priority in his life, and no one comes before you.
  • He may still be in touch with her. It's not awful that they'd still be friends. But you don't feel threatened by their relationship.
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Women should remember that what you tolerate is up to you". Don't ever let anyone have that much power over you…not him, or his ex. If you resonate with one or more of the above 15 signs, get out with your dignity in tact. Don't wait until you are publicly humiliated by two people who apparently care very little about you. Love isn't like that. Love shouldn't ever make you feel that way. Find someone who makes you feel wonderful, and make them feel wonderful in return. If a third person can so easily come between you and your guy, you probably didn't have as good a relationship as you believed. If he comments on the 'drama' you've created, remind him the drama is all his.

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Questions and Answers

My boyfriend gets mad quite easily, when we're discussing his ex-wife.

During our conversations, he has mentioned his current situation- that he doesn't have a proper job, unlike before when he earned a lot of money and could properly take care of his wife. He feels sorry for me because his situation is so different from the past. I have tried: Telling him that's why he is easily angered when talking about his ex-wife. He told me that even if I left him, he would never go back to his ex wife. I think it was caused by: I think that he's still in love with his ex.

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Just stop bringing up his ex wife. She is not in the picture and even though his financial circumstances have changed. he is dating you. The more you bring her up, the more damage you cause to your relationship. You would be angry and hurt if you felt he was comparing you to her all the time but he is not. Encourage him to resurrect his career but do so in a manner that does not bring up his past life. When you talk about his ex, all he hears is FAILURE.

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Hi, what do I do about my new partner and his contact with his ex wife (not ex as yet)?

Your article has been very helpful answering some questions. I have been seeing a man for 9 months, his wife has her first affair 4 years ago but he 'would have walked to the end of the earth' (his words) to save the marriage of 25 years. She eventually ended it, and 2 months after he started dating me. I am now starting to feel that he is not in fact over her and I am the 'stand in' or 'rebound'. He said he will always stay friends with her. They still have the same friends, he goes out and about with her family, and she asks about me all the time (we have never met). Still friends on Facebook and she regularly posts memories of the 2 of them.. Every single conversation there is a mention of her, he does not compare me to her, but I have figured it out that they speak almost daily, if not speak then text. . I have brought this up and he says 'she says we will never get back together'. I don't get a straight answer about his feelings towards her.. My question; I think I know the answer, do I wait, until all the financial side has been settled in the hope this will change things? Or am I kidding myself. He is a great guy, but I think he is hung up on her, and she treats him horribly. Do I just end it?. I have tried: Giving him space and time Listening to him, any arguments with her, and conversation he has had with her.

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He started dating you fairly fast after the end of his 25-year marriage. You can't expect him to drop all mention of her when this is all he has known for the last 25 years. It is tough to determine if you are just a rebound. I would say you are more of a comfort to him during this time which might grow to something more. Just keep in mind that you are going to hear a lot about his ex because she is still in his social circle and a part of his life. With more time in your current relationship, he should begin to distance himself.

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Categories : Relationships

Recent edits by: rachel34, Nuance, Jojelyn

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