Tell a Mother You Love Her Daughter

Edited by Nerissa Avisado, Eng, Lynn, Donna and 3 others

If you are the old-fashioned type and you like to do things the proper way, you probably feel that it's not enough for you to just carry on a relationship with your girlfriend without letting her mother know where you stand. The question is, how do you tell a mom that you are seriously and hopelessly in love with her daughter? That can take some doing, and honest intentions can often make you all the more jittery because you are scared that you may not win her mom to your side.

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If you are truly in love with the girl of your dreams, you are probably entertaining the thought of staging a dramatic way to open up to her mother. Your respectful attitude is to be commended, and in case you need help in making a proper approach, here are a few ideas for you.

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First Things First

Getting to tell her mom about how you feel is not supposed to happen out of the blue. Before you take this step, there are some things you need to be certain of.

  1. 1
    Allow her to get used to you
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    This means being visible (without getting underfoot) in their home. Don't just honk your horn when you pick your daughter up. If she offers you a soda, take it, say thank you and strike up a conversation. Ask her about gardening, or her hay fever or, or whatever is happening in her domain.
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  2. 2
    Let her get to know you
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    Do not avoid her when she is in an inquisitive mood. If she thinks her daughter likes you, she will want to get to know you. Be forthright about your answers, and allow her to see that you are just a regular guy.
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  3. 3
    Show her that you are confident but polite
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    When you speak to her mother, be self-assured. You love and respect her daughter; that would put you on any mother's A-list. However, never be cocky, and always be well-mannered. Believe it or not, good manners still count, although common courtesy is fast becoming uncommon, and the words "please", "thank you", and even "good morning" seem to be vanishing faster than the polar ice caps. Give the mother of the woman you love the courtesy she deserves.
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  4. 4
    Be careful about your grooming
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    Few parents understand purple hair, jeans with rips everywhere, and body piercings unless they are wearing them too or they seem to be fine with their children looking that way. Be sure how the wind blows before you talk to her while dressed in full Goth, and be sure your hair is combed, your nails are trimmed, and your clothes are clean.
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  5. 5
    Clear it with your girlfriend
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    If you are going to talk to her mom about her, she deserves to know that you will be doing so. After all, she is going to be the main concern in that conversation, so she better have a say about how it will proceed.
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  6. 6
    Be sure about what your plans and intentions are
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    Mothers don't want to hear a lame speech about how you really like their daughter and you want to see where this is going. If they are going to listen to anyone at all, they want to hear about commitment, about clear plans for the future, and most of all they want to know how you intend to be a good husband or partner to their child. If you haven't reached that level of certainty then maybe you should either postpone this talk, or practice exactly what you are going to say.
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  7. 7
    Find out how they might want to conduct this talk
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    Setting a proper scene for this important dialogue means knowing what type of setup her mother will appreciate. Will her mother appreciate a bouquet of roses or will she find that cliché? Does her mother appreciate the dramatic, or will this embarrass her? Try to discover what style and gestures would be the most meaningful for her.
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Believe it or not, the act of talking to the parents of the girl in a serious relationship is not a new phenomenon. In many cultures it is a prerequisite ritual for men to make their intentions known to the girl's parents. Twenty-first century Western culture doesn't demand this, but it is nonetheless a wise and respectful thing to do. There are several ways to go about this task; and you will realize, as you prepare for the challenge, how very similar it can be to making a marriage proposal.

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If her mom is the reserved type...

If your girlfriend's mother is the reserved type, don't indulge in heavy drama. It is bound to embarrass her and make her retreat from you. Here are some of the things you can do when you talk to her about her daughter.

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  • Bring her a box of her favorite candy or some flowers and ask her if you can call on her. If you know of a book she has long wanted to read, get her that. Don't bring something too expensive, even if you can afford it; this might seem like a bribe.
  • You can just talk to her in her own home if that is the most comfortable place for her; or you can pick a nice restaurant and pick her up.
  • If she takes walks daily, ask her to take a walk with you and talk to her about her daughter then. If she likes to have a cup of coffee after working in her garden, ask if you can join her and make your spin while she is mellow and relaxed.
  • Order her favorite cake and ask the baker to put something like, "I really like your daughter" in the icing.

If she likes a little drama...

  • If she likes just a bit of drama, maybe you can order a singing Telegram with the messenger singing something about you loving her daughter.
  • Ask the daughter to help you arrange balloons spelling the words "I really like your daughter" in the dining room or living room.
  • Make a one-page comic book story complete with dialogue bubbles telling her how you feel about her girl. Slip it into the newspaper or the magazine she is reading just make sure she sees it and doesn't throw it into the trash along with the junk mail.

If she is a career woman...

  • Make a short PowerPoint presentation on how you feel about her daughter, and upload it on YouTube.
  • Invite her for coffee and be there promptly. Order something within your means, and pick up the tab. If she tries to pay for it, tell her she can next time if she invites you.

Questions and Answers

Hi, I tried to convince my girlfriend's mom but she is standing by her decision? I tried every possibility to convince her?

How should I convince my girlfriend's mom. I have tried: I tried to talk to her mom but she doesn't want me to talk. I think it was caused by: I think money, because they are richer than my family, or maybe long distance relationship

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You have done all that you can. If your girlfriend still lives with her parents then you will have to respect the decision. If you think about it, when you date a girl you also date their family. Her mother appears to be looking for what she thinks is in her daughter's best interest. The only thing you can do is respect that. Besides, this is a long distance relationship and those rarely are successful even with the support of family members.

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How can I be a man to our baby if my girlfriend's mom doesn't like me?

I need my girl more than anything, but I don't have a job maybe that is why they cannot accept me. I'm 23, this is my love problem, I don't know how to be a serious man to my baby! My girl's mom doesn't like me, I love them a lot, what can I do?

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Whether your girlfriend's mom likes you or not, you have a moral and financial obligation to that baby. You also have parental rights recognized by the legal system and family court. Start looking for a job. Make it a full time focus until you get one. Even if it is minimum wage and part time. Then you can help support the baby. In the United States there are programs on the Federal level to support Single Fathers. Everything from job hunting assistance to grants for a better education. Connect with a program and see what they can do to help you with your financial outcome. Only Dads is a website and forum in which you can connect with other fathers and get advice.

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If you have problems with any of the steps in this article, please ask a question for more help, or post in the comments section below.

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Categories : Relationships

Recent edits by: jjvine, VisiHow, Donna

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