Rebuild Trust in a Relationship

Edited by Emmanuel M. Lardizabal, Anonymous, Lynn, Eng and 7 others

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Trust is something that you learn from your parents . When parents provide you with love and care , provide your needs and fulfills promises , trust get established . For a person to trust a total stranger will take time and effort . Depending on the past life experiences of an individual , his trust may or may not be easy to gain and regain .

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When you've gained someone's trust , especially in a romantic relationship , expect that this trust gets tested from time to time . You should understand that each individual is unique . There are individuals that you may come across and have a romantic relationship with , where a lost trust is easily regained . To regain the trust of someone who finds trusting difficult after it gets broken is what you need to re-establish .

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To regain trust from someone you've hurt emotionally is challenging. Your partner needs to think if he or she can still manage to get on with a relationship with you - romantic or plain friendship, that is. In order for someone to decide whether he or she can trust you enough to continue the relationship with you, the person needs to try to relinquish the thought or feeling of what you have done.

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Young people who enter into romantic relationships come with their set of ideal characteristics. It is this idealism that brings issues to the relationship. And this is what makes the relationship sail in rough waters from time to time. However, for mature individuals in relationships, it is expected that partners involved have already developed a mature approach. Both know and understand that possessiveness is not equivalent to trust and that in order for the relationship to grow and deepen, both share the same love, patience, commitment and loyalty.

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What situations will most likely make your partner lose their trust in you?

  1. 1
    Infidelity.
    Infidelity.jpg
    It's also called cheating or having an affair with someone else other than your mate or partner. Most of the time, infidelity is the reason that lovers part ways. There are women who take this lightly and shrug their shoulders, but most will react emotionally and sometimes, physically - either to hurt themselves or hurt the other partner and the rival.
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  2. 2
    Insecurity and Possessiveness.
    Insecurity.jpg
    Insecurity begets jealousy. This is one of the most common problems that arise in relationships that are always threatened rivalry. From jealousy, there comes the desire to possess the person. The more that these are exhibited by a partner in a relationship, the more the other partner feels constricted and controlled. Such traits are exhibited by constant requirement to update your partner of your whereabouts. When you forget to inform your partner of your whereabouts, this is usually followed by conflicts and misunderstanding.
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  3. 3
    Unkind words.
    Harsh Words.jpg
    There are individuals whom, when angry do not sugarcoat their words. They say what they want to say and most of the time, regret saying the words. This usually spring from previous unsuccessful relationships that the partner identifies the present one with.
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  4. 4
    A number of broken promises.
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    Award winning author of children's books, Sylvia Ross said: " "To break a promise is to break trust with your child." For mature individuals, a broken promise after another can mean a lot of things - the person is so busy that he or she cannot make time for his or her partner. What's bad about breaking promises is that the more these occasions piles up, the more insignificant your partner will feel. Feelings of distrust will start and suspicions as to your real whereabouts will eventually break the relationship.
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  5. 5
    Committing a Crime.
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    A crime of any kind is enough reason for someone to doubt you, especially if this crime involved another person, whom your partner was not acquainted with.
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What will your Partner feel about what you've done?

  • Emotional Pain To feel betrayed is a painful feeling. It brings memories of the situations where your partner trusted you, yet they did otherwise.
  • Anger It is normal to feel angry afterwards. This is akin to someone telling you not to step on their wounded leg, yet you step on it.
  • Lost After your partner spent their weekend crying and throwing things you've given them, they will feel lost. They will sometimes express that it's not yet time to see or talk to you or that they are sorting their feelings out. You have to respect this time and patiently wait.
  • Recovery This phase is exhibited by your partner going out with friends and spending time with them. There will be times when you call on her and she will be out with friends or at a salon or spa. She needs some space to heal emotionally. This is the time that you should apologize and make sure that you speak to your partner about the relationship. You should give her space but not so much that she heals without you. This period is a tricky balancing act. If she becomes indifferent to you, then all is lost. He or she may not want you back anymore. If this happens your only hope is to ignore her for three days to a week or so and then see if she wants misses you. You need to go somewhere or do something where she won't see you for a few days. If you go too long she will never return to you. If you go away for too short a period then she will not have had time to miss you. Like fishing, you need to strike just at the right time, when she is missing you and forgetting about the issue that go you in this situation.

So what can you do to regain the trust you lost?

You most probably met partners who seem to have difficulty saying they're sorry. While you can also remember a partner from your past relationship, a guy or a gal who apologizes like there's no tomorrow. Like everything else in this world, too much of a good thing is not good. There are times that the more you repeat a kind word, the meaning is lost from its repeated expression by the same person. Apologize and make amends to be forgiven. You should feel and show that you deserve forgiveness or a second chance.

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Remember the first line of a song: "Once bitten, twice shy." A person who has had trust issues in their previous relationships will ultimately find it difficult to trust again. You're lucky if your partner will trust you again right after you've been caught cheating. Here are some tips on how you can regain that trust.

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  1. 1
    Make your partner feel that he or she is an important aspect of your life.
    When you were still young, you would try to escape through your bedroom window and date the guy or gal you liked. Now that you're mature enough, there are more creative ways to show that you value your partner. Surprise them with a bouquet of flowers or a home-made breakfast. Make sure that your surprises are unique and intangible. Remember that the best things in life are free. The effort and time you spent on concocting a surprise for someone will make them realize their value. As this is realized, day by day, the trust between you and your partner will start to take root again. Listen to the song "Love's Not Love ('till you give it away) by Bill Anderson. Take heed.
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  2. 2
    Keep a cool head during conflicts or misunderstandings.
    There is nothing in this world that sincere and open communication cannot resolve. Remember that both of you were a product of two unique individuals, making each one unique on their own. Do not compare a person to another. Not only this is unfair, but it brings competition to the relationship, which is not healthy. #Misunderstandings are part of whatever kind of relationship. It is through the misunderstandings that people get to know each other better and understand each other's limits and boundaries. Resolve disputes in a calm and endearing way. Always think that you want to save the relationship. In order to do so, you both must learn to forgive and forget each other's shortcomings. Unless a misunderstanding is so serious, try not to sleep with a heavy heart. Resolve the conflict before the day ends.
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  3. 3
    Maintain an Open and Honest Communication.
    There is no need to inform your partner of your whereabouts day in and day out. You don't want to overdo everything. If you do, your partner may feel pity for you and let you go instead. If there are people that your partner needs to be acquainted with, then by all means, introduce them. This is to make your partner realize that you are sincere in telling the truth this time. Be sensitive to your partner's feelings. You can only do this if you get out of your way to get to know your partner. Spend more time together. Only by doing so will you be able to know a person better.
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  4. 4
    Maintain Respect in the Relationship.
    Make your partner feel as if they are the only person you cared about. For instance, you spend a weekend together to doing your shopping, make sure that you don't get distracted by the sights and sounds around you. If you do, include your partner in the distraction. If your weakness are women in shorts and tank tops, then ask if she will wear a pair. If you like men who don sports cap, then ask him if he will wear one for you. Remember the golden rule here: "Do unto others what you want others to do unto you." So, don't go staring at a man's face or woman's leg for so long, that your partner will notice. As much as possible, avoid such situation.
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Additional Tips

  1. 1
    If all lovers and partners knew how to value each other, then trust will be the primary ingredient of the relationship.
    When there is trust, there's no doubt. If there's no doubt, then there would be no major issues that will beset the relationship.
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  2. 2
    Reflect and empathize with your partner.
    If the same situation would happen again and it will be your partner who's at fault, how would you feel and react? By doing so, you will be able to see how emotionally painful your actions are. Afterwards, ask forgiveness, apologize sincerely. When love is great, it can forgive. But then again, if the pain is too much for the person, forgiving may be an impossible task.
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  3. 3
    Try not to repeat the same faults.
    Honor your words and avoid situations that may predispose you for doing the same thing again.
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  4. 4
    Reaffirm your love and feelings of affections to decrease the amount of doubt in the relationship.
    Bring your partner along when you and your friends hang out. Try to be honest as much as possible.
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  5. 5
    Some people find In rebuilding trust in a relationship, sometimes material things are helpful to resolve it.
    You should express with feeling and you should understand her attitude when she was still mad. When your partner is still angry with you, you can use some techniques like giving her some of her favorite food, stuffed toys, or anything that will make her happy. When giving her these gifts, apologize as well, and maybe that can be the correct time to talk about your problems. You need also to get her attention, and get her to listen to you and make her believe that you will not be repeating the same mistakes in the future.
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  6. 6
    Some partners forgive easily when they receive gifts.
    If this is so, then do so in moderation. Respect and trust are intangible aspects of a relationship. It is a valuable aspect of a relationship that there is no material gift that can equate it. Instead of a gift, a good dinner or a home-made cake will show you're sincere about your apology.
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  7. 7
    If your apology was not accepted today, try again tomorrow or the next day.
    A person who has been hurt cannot see clearly. There are times that you have to wait a while before you can actually speak to your partner.
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  8. 8
    If you have been forgiven, you should not do the same thing which will result again in rebuilding your partners trust with you since trust is hard to rebuild.
    It is always at the discretion of the person who was affected the most. It is also not advisable if you will be going to do some acts which are different with your previous mistakes that will result to the same end. It is better to act in good way where you are not affected others rather than losing their trust. In a relationship, you need to consider that once trust was broken, it is hard to give back and even if you are forgiven, the memory is still there and it only depends on the person affected if she will disregard it or bring it in the present.
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  9. 9
    You need to stick with your promise.
    When you are asking for forgiveness, you told her that you will not be doing again the act that will remove her trust in you. In which, you should fulfill your promise to her. You should not do same acts or any other acts that will give the same result as what have had happened. You need to comply with the words that you have told her in order for you to rebuild her trust. If you are going to do the things what you have promised your partner when you are asking for forgiveness, you will have the biggest percentage of having your partner's trust again.
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  10. 10
    Think that your partner may not forgive you next time.
    Always bear in mind that lie is always the reason why there are conflicts in a relationship. You should not do again your fault to retain the trust you have for your partner. Bear in mind that may be for your next fault, your partner will not forgive you and may result to different consequence. It may result to break up or cool off.
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These tips are only helpful when you know your partner well. It is important that you first realize that a relationship is an emotional investment. To feel betrayal after a long time of investing your feelings on someone is akin to a business. It is up to the proprietor (in this case, your partner) to start all over again or give up.

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Questions and Answers

How can I regain trust again with my ex partner with whom I am trying to get back together with?

I have an issue with an ex partner with whom I am trying to get back together. When we were together he felt I have betrayed him by not being honest about somethings such as putting an application for university he did not agree with and he also felt I spent too much time with my family. In his words he feels that my betrayal is like an affair. He says that if there is any chance for us I need to get his trust back. I asked him if he could tell me what can I do or how can I make it up to him he replied he doesn't know and that it is up to me to figure it out. I feel helpless, I apologized so many times, its been months I don't know what to do!

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Applying for University is not a betrayal. Instead, he should have been excited for you and proud that you were gaining more education for a brighter future. Spending time with your family is also not a bad thing. Many men would appreciate that you were close with your family. Better hanging out with your family instead of partying in a club until 3 a.m. every night. It seems like he was using this as an excuse to break up with you. It also appears that he has serious insecurities because he felt threatened by you going to University and hanging out with your family.

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Helpless would be no education in 5 years, no good job and reliant on someone who treats you the way that he has treated you. It is time to move on and find someone who will appreciate you for your qualities and determination. This guy is not worth the effort and be glad that you got out when you did. Breaking up with someone is hard and messy but you can overcome it. There is nothing to feel bad about or apologize for and your ex boyfriend knows that which is why he could not give you a straight answer on how to make things right with him.

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How to explain to your partner how you felt after a broken promise?

You may wish to start the topic with no accusations or raised voice. You will have to expatiate upon your priorities in life, where promises are next to the highest values. Explain that your set of values may vary from his or her, but you would like to accentuate your feelings by offering him or her to take your place in a hypothetical situation: ask him or her about his or her priorities in relationships, which may be being faithful, not telling lies, going for a night somewhere and not calling afterwards, etc., and present him a situation that will disturb him or her. Comparison and individual examples can lead to the desired effect.

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Let us look at it in more detail. For example, he or she says that he or she would feel desolate and helpless if you were to use bad language in front of him and start a bad habit. Then, you must tell him or her to imagine that you were smoking a cigarette and saying something not too nice in his or her presence. Let the thought sink into his or her mind; now, ask him or her about his or her action afterwards. This is what he or she would feel and do. You can use his or her own words and actions to explain how you feel (even though the sensation can be completely different: you are looking just for the effect).

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I'm having problem with my fiancee?

He thinks am scamming him for money

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Why do I keep cheating via text on my girlfriend?

For whatever reason I have done this two times in the last 5 months and got caught each time and each time feeling dumber than the last I don't understand why I do it because when the occasion arises for me to cheat physically on my girlfriend I could and would never do it.. I have tried: I tried ignoring the urge to flirt with others. I think it was caused by: ME and me cheating by flirting with other girls

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I need guidance on how to rebuild trust?

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years now and we have built a lot within those 2 years. He has a 4 year old and I have a 10 year old, the parenting with outside kids are great and I get along very well with his child's mother and vice versa. But we have trust issues within the relationship. Insecurities are at the high right now, especially on my behalf, reason is because a year ago, we both stepped out of the relationship and was not honest with each other. He is a great man and I love him to death, but when he is not around me, I think about nothing but negative things that he could be doing. I try not to be that way but it happens. I have tried: I have tried to not be so insecure, tried not to go through his phone, not to worry so much, but it seems not to work out. I think it was caused by: Previous cheating

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Categories : Relationships

Recent edits by: Maria, VisiHow, Doug Collins

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