Prevent emotional abuse

Edited by Ephraim, Charmed, Rich, Lynn and 10 others

This article will discuss how to prevent emotional abuse while in a relationship. In many cases, a person will become so deeply involved in the relationship, they believe it's too late to fix the issue, or get out the relationship. It's never too late.

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These steps will help you prevent emotional abuse in your relationship, and offer suggestions to address abuse if it's currently happening in your relationship. These steps are designed to prevent emotional abuse, and although it will offer suggestions for dealing with abuse in your current relationship, they are just that - suggestions, and you need to seek more advice than this article. The focus of this article is avoiding emotional abuse.

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Warning Signs of Emotional Abuse

There are different types of abuse; Emotional - Psychological - Mental & Physical. Determine what abuse you feel threatened by, and are trying to avoid. There is a difference between these kinds of abuse. It's important to learn what "Emotional Abuse" is, how to recognize it, and most importantly, how to predict and prevent it. The situations below are very likely to lead to emotional abuse:

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    Co-dependence
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    When you are in a symbiotic relationship, where both of you have few friends and rely on each other for everything, there is a potential for emotional abuse as the abuser may believe there are no options but for you to stay with him/her.
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  2. 2
    Dependent
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    This occurs when one person in the relationship is dependent on the other. This usually happens when there is an imbalance of power in the relationship. The person who believes he/she has the power, may abuse this power, viewing their partner as weak and vulnerable, and this, for some strange reason, makes them feel empowered. They may not articulate it, but they may feel resentment because of all the responsibilities they've incurred in this relationship, and transfer that resentment to their partner. Here are a few reasons why this happens:
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    1. Financial imbalance - when one makes more than the other. Or one is the breadwinner, and the other doesn't work. The most obvious situation is when the couple chooses to have one or the other parent stay at home to raise the children.
    2. Emotional - when one of the couple has had a lot of trauma in their life, and looks to their partner as a parent or therapist.
    3. You've moved to your partner's city, and don't know anyone.
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    Silent treatment
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    For some reason, something you've done, an imagined issue, your partner simply stops talking to you. Ignoring you as a punishment for something you have done that wasn't to your partners liking, is not only childish, but is already a form of emotional abuse. This is a tactic your partner is using to express their anger and reprimand you. It is emotionally damaging to be ignored. Period.
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  4. 4
    Denial
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    When your partner cannot accept blame for anything they've done wrong, and never apologizes, is a huge, big, blowing in the wind red flag. This is usually indicative of a narcissistic personality. A narcissist is capable of destroy someone emotionally - especially their partner. They don't care. They feel a sense of entitlement, and everything is about them. The only thing that gets this person's emotional goat is when it's something that affects them adversely. Beware this person. They usually drop the blame in your lap. Teach yourself about this character. They're very good at deception. They may say sorry, just to get you to stop bugging them. They'll say it nonchalantly, without any emotion.
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  5. 5
    Control
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    When your partner starts to give you the impression they control you, and you are starting to feel as if you have to ask for permission to do things, from what toilet paper to buy, to visiting your family, you are in for trouble.
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  6. 6
    You feel isolated
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    Isolation is the first step toward emotional abuse - and possibly other kinds of abuse as well. You'll recognize this stage, as you'll begin to feel like a child. You'll stress over decisions you make, and you'll start to fear your partner. During this stage you may feel as if you are yet a child all over again which is a feeling that cannot be felt in a successful relationship.
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  7. 7
    Criticism
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    You feel as if you are being put down and degraded on a daily basis. You feel your every move, your appearance, and your partner is judging every decision you make. No one should feel this way. When you are being criticized, you feel humiliated. You begin to alter the way you do things to accommodate the emotional demands of your partner.
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  8. 8
    Honey Meet The Bickersons
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    Couples who constantly bicker, who call each other names, are sarcastic with each other, and point of the other person's flaws, especially in public, are in trouble, as this is already emotional abuse.
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Preventing Emotional Abuse

While you read these suggestions, consider this. There are over 7,000,000,000 people in the world. You are reading an article because, perhaps, you are in a relationship that is destructive, creates fear in you, and makes you feel bad about who you are. So out of the 7,000,000,000 people in the world, you are with the one person who causes you the most pain and is the person who's the most cruel to you. You are worth more than that. Everyone deserves to be loved properly. Everyone!

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  1. 1
    Is it me
    ?
    Be very careful if you start to question yourself. In order to justify being with your partner, you'll blame yourself, question your sanity and assume it's you. DON'T!
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What Happens to You

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    Second-guessing yourself
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    If your partner is causing you to second-guess yourself when performing any task, in your conversations that can be able your relationship - all the way to politics, he/she is doing it as a power move, even if they might agree with you. Simple choices will become big choices, making even the littlest thing a big issue.
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  2. 2
    Apologizing for everything
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    You will find yourself apologizing more than usual and even apologizing for things that you haven't done, in to keep the peace and prevent him from getting angry.
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  3. 3
    Hypersensitivity
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    You might find yourself wondering if you are being too sensitive to certain situations pertaining to the relationship. Sweeping your feelings under the carpet will not improve the situation. You need to admit you are in a difficult situation, and do something to change that.
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Recognize a Healthy Relationship

It's important for you to know what a healthy relationship consists of. This way, you'll recognize what's missing from yours. If you've grown up in a dysfunctional family, it's not surprising if you end up in a dysfunctional relationship because you don't have a good relationship to compare yours to. You will also recognize what is and isn't emotional abuse, and you might be surprised to realize you are in an abusive relationship. In a healthy relationship:

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    Balance
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    A partnership is about two people working together to make a relationship work. Each person in the relationship gives to the relationship in different ways. Each person in the relationship has different strengths. Ideally, when one of you is ill, or stressed, the other will take over more responsibilities, and vice versa. You should be able to lean on your partner, and they should be able to lean on you.
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  2. 2
    Respect
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    The couple will have respect for each other. They will listen to their partner, and respect their opinion and ideas.
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  3. 3
    Emotional support
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    Both parties will show a good sense of emotional support and also encouragement for their partner.
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  4. 4
    Safe
    .
    A healthy relationship will never see one or the other partner threatening the other. Not physically, emotionally, mentally, or psychologically. People can be passionate, and express themselves dramatically, but in a healthy relationship you will never, not for a moment, feel you are in danger. You should always feel safe.
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  5. 5
    Love
    .
    A healthy couple expresses their love to each other, they care for each other, they are strong for each other, they made each other laugh, and hold each other when they cry. This kind of relationship is not possible, unless both people give, without the thought of receiving. You love you get is equal to the love you give.
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At The First Sign of Emotional Abuse

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    Conversation
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    Bring up the signs of abuse in the relationship to your partner as soon as you recognize any sign of abuse. Do this in a very calm and sensitive manner. Don't throw accusations at your partner. This will make them feel threatened, and they will become defensive, rather than hear you. Let them know you need to talk about a sensitive issue. Hopefully, they'll be a bit relieved you aren't breaking up with them - yet. Some suggestions:  
    1. Know what you're going to say.
    2. Be direct. This is not the time to be evasive.
    3. If you are afraid you'll forget what you want to say, write down points you want to address.
    4. If you're afraid to talk to your partner face to face about the emotional abuse, write a letter they can read on their own. That being said, if you are afraid to talk to your partner in person, you need to get out of that relationship. Now.
    5. Focus on starting sentences with "I", rather than "You". I feel as though everything I do is wrong, will work better than, "You criticize everything I do!" Even though you may mean the later, it's about having your partner 'hear' you, rather than defend him or herself.
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  2. 2
    Talk to a family member or a close friend
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    Let them know all about the situation between you and your partner. Not only will it feel good to talk to someone, and have a witness if you get to the point where you need an order of protection, they may have some very good advice for you. The relief you feel telling someone will be immediately felt. Having someone validate your feelings is like having a weight lifted from your shoulders. It might be the first time in a long time you've been told you're right.  
    1. Be very careful to choose someone to talk to who has your back.
    2. Make very sure you don't pick a mutual friend, as this could end up being disastrous. They could turn around and tell your partner everything you said. This will make your partner angry that you didn't come to them first - well, they'll say that, but they might not care. They'll also feel betrayed by you, and won't miss an opportunity to tell you that.
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  3. 3
    Seek professional help
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    This is a good option if you've found yourself in an abusive relationship, and you aren't sure how to proceed. Seeking professional give you the opportunity to express your emotions and fears to someone who is trained to help you. A counsellor will help you to see the situation clearly, give you advise on how to move forward, or how to move out.
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So - You've Ended the Relationship

GOOD! People who are abusive rarely improve. But you've already taken steps to improve yourself. He's a bit of advice regarding your next relationship.

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    Stay single for Awhile
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    After any relationship ends, good or bad, you need time to reclaim yourself.  
    1. First of all, you've been through an ordeal you need to heal from.
    2. Do some work on yourself. It takes two to tangle, and in this situation, you have already looked at the abusive nature of your ex-partner, now you have to consider why you chose this person in the first place, and why you put up with the abuse. Until you reflect and come up with some explanations, you are doomed to repeat the pattern with your next partner.
    3. When you are completely content being on your own, you are ready to be with someone else.
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  2. 2
    Be emotionally armed
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    Move on to your new relationship armed with all the information you've learned about potential abuse, and yourself. Be alert to potential dangers, and admit when there's something wrong in the new one. This will allow you to get out of it before you're in too deep.
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  3. 3
    As much as you have healed from the previous relationship, do not react by becoming the abuser
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    Just like in childhood, most bullies had been bullied. Never lose sight of who you are. Power does not come from abusing another person, especially your partner. The foundation of abuse is fear. T
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  4. 4
    Be happy, and know that you can be loved in a way that is healthy and beautiful.
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  5. 5
    Be happy, and know they you can love someone in a way that is healthy and beautiful
    .
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Questions and Answers

How do emotional abusers string you along?

Most abusive partners follow the typical profile of a charmer. This is how many women and men fall prey to these emotional abusers. The emotional abuser is usually influential, dominant, and has a highly "toxic" personality. All these signs of abuse can manifest in his personal relationship, social, or at work.

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    Emotional abusers actually feel superior when another person shows weakness, and they drop abusive remarks publicly to belittle the other person in an attempt to feed their own ego
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    They choose their prey by knowing who bows to their whim - a subordinate worker or a submissive housewife perhaps
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    Emotional abusers are insecure and immature individuals who belittle others just to feel and appear bigger than they actually are.
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  3. 3
    Emotional abusers string you along by breaking you down as a person, and making you feel worthless, convincing you you're nothing, and he or she is the only one to accept you, regardless of all your faults, and they are the only person that would ever love you
    .
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I have realized I am an emotional abuser. How do I change and improve my behavior?

The most important thing you can do, you've already done. You've realized you're an emotional abuser, admitted it, and you've come her for help. That's great.

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    The first thing you need to do is seek professional help
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    It feels good when someone listens to you carefully without getting judged. Just be sure to do what your therapist tells you to do. Chances are, you've had a difficult time in your life emotionally. It will be so good for you to talk to someone about this. Emotions need to be expressed.
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    You can also hang out with your family, enjoy life with them, have a family bonding
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    You might want to talk to someone in your family about your situation, unless they are the source of your issues.
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You can also hang out with your friends, choose those friends who are not a bad influence, those who are true friends and those friends that you think they can help you. You might want to talk to a friend about your situation.

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Where can an emotional abuser turn for help and counselling?

There are three options for them to choose.

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    They can be with their family.
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    With their family, most people can enjoy themselves and relax without any hassle
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    This is not advisable if the root of your abusive behaviour comes from issues with your family.
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    They can be with their most trusted friends.
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    It can be helpful to spend time with friends who are real, and can understand their emotional problems.
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    If the situation is severe, they can seek help of a licensed doctor.
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    A licensed doctor can help people with emotional problems by giving the right medicine, or through counselling.
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Contact your local doctor or health department and they can put you in contact with a local low cost Mental Health Center.

If you have problems with any of the steps in this article, please post in the comments section below.

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Categories : Relationships

Recent edits by: Doug Collins, Dougie, Alma

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