Overcome Relationship Break-Up
Edited by Mark Zonio, Eng, Leomar Umpad, Graeme and 3 others
It had taken me a year before I was able to survive the rough and heavy road of a breakup. Like others, I never wanted to travel this path. But life is full of surprises and it could come at a time you least expect. The intensity of pain differs per situation. But once you are able to surpass it, you can become a better person. It's a process, and there's no shortcut for it. If you want to get out from the dark tunnel of a fallen relationship, you are on the right page.
Some relationships ends
"Let me go" or "I'm breaking up with you" is not an easy thing to say, nor will it never be easy to hear. If not the hardest, it could be one of the most difficult things in life to accept. But people have different personalities and attitudes. We are made by God to be unique and different from one another. Relationships come to an end whenever either member of the pair is not happy anymore or has some reasons that he or she needs to let go. Sometimes both parties agree, and they understand and accept the situation. Sometimes, someone has to give up or let go to do the right thing.
Accepting the pain
The pain of a lost relationship differs in its own way. This will last, depending on the person's understanding and willingness. Sometimes our mind tells us one thing while our heart tells us another. But this begins with acceptance and the pain will die naturally. It's a process that the pain relieves on its own. Don't try to force yourself to fix it, for it will just hurt you. Allow the pain to subside and it will find it's way out.
Steps and tips on how to move on
To move on is a decision. It's an act of letting go. This comes when you want to give yourself a chance to heal the pain you are currently in. These are the steps that can help you in this process. Repeat the process as deemed necessary.
- 1Making the decision - this is an understanding of what has happened between you and your partner.Think things through thoroughly. You can remember the moments that you have had together. Understand why it ended this way. Grieve as you have to grieve and cry if you need to. Feel the pain and then remember that a relationship is like a dance and that it takes two to tango. And if one person is not willing to hold on anymore, things will not work out. You need to look at yourself and tell that person in the mirror that you have a life too, that you are ready to make the decision and are now prepared to let go. Be firm with your decision and accept the situation.Advertisement
- 2Making the space - as much as possible, avoid the ways that can remind you of them.Remove the chances that can link you to him or her. Remove the things and items that will remind you of him or her. Such things as gifts that he or she has given to you and their contact number on your phone.Advertisement
- 3Be with people you love - this will make you realize your value.You can talk to them about your feelings. Their presence and support can push you little by little to proceed. They will become your guiding hands throughout this dim tunnel.
- 4Listing things down - make a daily schedule of your activities, a schedule that will convert your energy into worthy activities.Activities such as daily exercise or learning new productive skills will help you to move on. Doing household chores is a real action to keep you distracted. It's an activity that removes the dirt (old things) and welcomes new things. These kinds of activities will keep you active.
- 5Forgive and accept - let go of the negative feelings you have.This will ease the pain when you learn to remove the negative energy from your system. Replace it with a positive Outlook and this will make you further see where you want to go from here.
- 6Avoid sad thoughts - sad thoughts will make you remember things, such as lonely songs and movies.
- 7Pray - ask for guidance and telling God what you feel and want.This will help your spiritual aspect. This will help the positive energy to continue to flow inside of you. Nothing is more powerful than prayer.
- 8Congratulate yourself - applaud yourself for being brave.Tell yourself that you are doing the right thing and you are getting there. And sooner or later you are going to wake up and feel that everything is back to normal.
How to tell your boyfriend or girlfriend that you are breaking up without hurting the person
There really is no easy way to break up with an individual. Also, the pain will always be there. The following tips can help you break the news to your partner without hurting them that much:
- 1Avoid clichés'."It's not you; it's me." Avoid the usual breakup reasons that we see in the movies or read in the books. At all cost, avoid them, even if they genuinely apply to your situation. These familiar words will make you sound untrue and insincere. As much as possible, make it seem as if it actually came from you. Avoid over-thinking, and instead be spontaneous and tell the bad news to your boyfriend or girlfriend.
- 2Do it personally.Never do it over the phone, unless your partner has the tendency to be violent when faced with such sudden bursts of emotion. Your purpose here is to settle things and appear sincere. You want your partner to see how sorry you are, how hard is it for you too, and the sincerity in your eyes while talking to him or her.
- 3Explain your reasons.Tell your partner why you want to break up and why you think your relationship won't work anymore. Let him or her understand that you have been considering and thinking about it for a while and that the decision was not carried out on a single night. Make him or her understand why you need to do such an action and let him or her know that it will give you peace of mind if he or she understands the situation. Make sure that your reasons are very valid and are good grounds for a breakup. Do not give silly reasons as it may just hurt them more.
- 4Be honest but do not be insensitive.Being honest is important, as you will need to tell your partner the reason why it's not going to work between the two of you now. However, take note that you do not need to be actually honest, especially if the reason will hurt your partner more. Say, for example, you fell for someone else. It is impolite to say, "I am breaking up with you because I found someone Better." It will hurt your partner's ego to the point that they will either hate themselves or you. If the reason is really that, try to find some other good reasons. Sometimes, the truth should be kept to prevent more damage to a situation.
- 5Show the person his or her positive sides.After telling your partner the bad news, this is the time that you tell them about their good sides. This way, that person won't feel all bad about him or herself. This will also leave a good impression on you, as you will be remembered as someone who sees his or her good qualities. This should be given after confessing the reason, to put a lighter and positive mood to your heavy heart conversation.
- 6Take the blame.You are the one breaking up, so if you feel that your partner is too hurt, do not pile on more of that hurt by putting the blame on your partner. Take the blame instead. Tell him or her about all your failures in your relationships, and all the things that make you a bad boyfriend or girlfriend. This will make your value lower and thus, a lesser loss, for your partner. This may make him or her realize that the breakup is not a bad idea after all.
- 7Do not announce it to everyone.Do not tell the news to your friends, not even the closest friends. If you have common friends, wait for him or her to break the news to them. This will give him or her the time he or she needs to tell it to the people that matter to him or her. If you both have a Facebook account, do not immediately change your relationship into single, as you do not want others to take notice of your breakup. Let the person more hurt break the news to everyone.
- 8Do not start a new relationship immediately.Starting a relationship is a big slap in the face to the other partner, unless you broke up with light hearts. Then you can start a new relationship with other people and be vocal about it. However, if your ex has been really affected by the breakup, help him or her not feel much pain by not getting into a relationship, or at least do not let him or her and friends and families know about your new relationship. If possible let him or her find a new one before you officially announce your new partner.
- 9Try to avoid as much communicating as possible.Help each other move on. Try not to comfort them in these most painful times as you will be giving them false hope, and the more you do, they will feel hope for rekindling the relationship and will hold on to that feeling, and the longer it takes for them to move on. Not communicating does not mean blocking or banning the person. If he or she calls, be kind enough to answer it, but make it short. Also do not give assuring words to your ex-partner. Words like "we'll see", "maybe" and I'll think about it" are assuring words to a desperate and hurt person.Advertisement
Try to be kind and remember to respect each others feelings.
- If you have problems with any of these steps, ask a question for more help, or post in the comments section below.
Categories : Marriage
Recent edits by: Anonymous, Lynn, Graeme