Edited by estrella sacragon, Eng, Lynn
Connecting with others is never a simple goal. Was there ever a time when you felt like you were such a loser because you do not have friends to hang out with? Or have you ever noticed that you spend most of your time alone?
Loneliness is alarming. But there are a lot of ways you can overcome loneliness. Don't sit around, moping and thinking what your life would have been in the outside world. Here are some tips.
How to Overcome Loneliness
- 1Accept the Fact that Having and Wanting Friends is Normal.Psychologists say that lonely people basically long for a deep connection with other people. Connecting with others is never codependency. Generally, humans are naturally social. Some may have larger groups of friends, while others prefer just to have one or two connections. Whatever your preference is, always keep in mind that the feeling of loneliness does not necessarily mean that something is wrong with you.Advertisement
- 2Drop the Pretentions.When going out, stop thinking about how you can be perfect just to fit in. Being pretentious won't do you a bit of a good. Instead, your being genuine and true to yourself will most likely help you achieve friends easily. When connecting with others, show them who you are and avoid trying to fit in. The key here is to figure out your personality, identify what your likes and dislikes are, and let others see who the real you is.Advertisement
- 3Turn off Electronics.If possible, avoid getting too absorbed in electronics and technology. Getting too occupied with electronics will only shut people out of your life instead of keeping them close to you. When you are mindful of the people around you, you can easily have closer relationships with them. The thought alone of detaching yourself from technology is pretty much a daunting task, but try spending a weekend without your electronic gadgets and you may realize that you can actually have a lot of fulfilling ways to spend quality time with your friends.
- 4Be Creative.There are some studies that suggest that loneliness and boredom are related. Try engaging yourself in various activities to at least lessen your feeling of loneliness. Bring out your creative juices and try doing a collage, knitting, painting, cooking, singing, or any other activity that you are interested in. When you keep yourself busy with doing something you enjoy, you won't end up getting bored and feeling lonely.
- 5Overcome your Fears.There will always come a point in time when you feel so alone because of something that you are afraid of. You can overcome your fears when you have friends around you. Whatever your fear is �" bugs, strangers, dark, medical procedures - you can overcome all these and your level of loneliness eventually decreases when you learn to face your fears.
- 6Learn Small Talk.People who involve themselves with more meaningful conversations are more likely to have a good sense of well being. However, small talk can create a path to have those deeper conversations. Thus, you need to get yourself learning small talks so you can move forward to have closer relationships.
Why do People Become Lonely?
There seems to be a huge stigma when it comes to loneliness. A lot of lonely people will admit that they are depressed before they actually admit and talk about being lonely. The fear of being misjudged as a loser or a weirdo is more likely, and this explains why those who are lonely may tend not to discuss their sense of alienation, exclusion or alienation.
Feeling lonely has little to do with how many friends are surrounding you. It is basically how you feel inside. There are some lonely people who rarely interact with people, and there are those that are surrounded with good friends but still don't feel connected.
A lot of people end up feeling lonely despite having lots of activities and acquaintances. Having thousands of friends via social networking sites is not the same as having a special friend who can share a movie with you, or get a cup of coffee during lazy weekend afternoons.
Factors of Loneliness
- 1Level of vulnerability to social disconnection.Everybody has a general genetically-set need for a specific amount of social inclusion. The level varies between people. When you need for connection is high, chances are, you may have a hard time meeting your needs.Advertisement
- 2Your ability to self-regulate your emotions, especially those associated with feeling isolated.You need to accept and effectively cope with your feelings of loneliness, you should learn to manage your feelings, so you don't feel more lonely.
- 3Mental representations and expectations about others.Being lonely doesn't mean you lack social skills. Lonely people normally perceive themselves as doing their best to make friends and find that sense of belonging, but ending up with nothing. This is quite a frustrating experience. You need to view yourself as someone that is adequate and worthy of good company.
Can Socializing Ease Feelings of Loneliness?
Being alone can be wonderful. It gives you time to relax, recharge and just be. But being alone can also feel really lonely. Here's how to deal with it:
- 1Indulge.You can indulge yourself by throwing a pity-party, but only for 10 minutes. Go ahead and feel sorry for yourself, cry, entertain all the reasons why you feel so alone, think about what would make it better, and the like. Just go for it and get all those yucky thoughts and judgments out by writing them all in a piece of paper and then burning it. Allow yourself the opportunity to feel the pain of your loneliness, with the knowledge that you have to indulge in it for just 10 minutes. After the time is up, your pity party is over. You'll be amazed at how gratifying this experience can be.Advertisement
- 2Investigate.The very negative feelings you have from being alone basically stem from what you actually tell yourself when you are alone. Try to investigate your judgments and thoughts. As you begin to realize that your being lonely is your own making, you will be ready to shift these thoughts into something different. Don't expect it to happen all at once. Changing your perception is a good start.
- 3Inspire.Loneliness can be a very heavy experience. Your energy may waiver when you bury yourself with too much loneliness. Therefore, you have to find something that will inspire you to uplift your energy. Try listening to songs that inspire you or read books that comfort you, or just do something creative. When you are inspired, you somehow feel connected to the Universe. And this is a good chance for you to deal with loneliness correctly and eventually help you toward achieving an optimistic you.
Steps in Overcoming the Feeling of Loneliness
Are you one of those thousands of people who can still smile, go anywhere, and have conversations with others, but deep down inside, you still feel lonely? Heartbreaking, isn't it?
There have been studies that show people (especially women) who always feel lonely in spite of having good company are at higher risk for heart diseases. If you are battling loneliness, below are some helpful tips for you to achieve healthier relationships, and a healthier heart.
- 1Quality over Quantity.It doesn't really matter how many people you know. What matters is how well you know these people, and maybe more importantly, how well these people know you. You must also know that understanding yourself is just as important.
- 2Figure out what's locking you up.Maybe during your younger years, you were neglected or abused by the people you believed would take good care of you. Or maybe you were a bullied student during your grade school years. Maybe you feel inadequate because of mental or physical disabilities, your social background, gender or race. These feelings and events pose very serious consequences that you have to deal with. The good thing here is that you don't have to fight all these battles by yourself.
- 3Seek help.There are lots of therapists who can help you with your feelings of loneliness.
- 4Don't expect people to reach out to you.If you still feel lonely when you are surrounded with people, it may be that these connections may lack intimacy. Instead of expecting them to do this for you, why not learn to speak up and seek help. Say things like, "Hi,, I am having a hard time lately. Mind if we talk about it? I think that will make me feel better".
- 5Remember that being lonely and being alone are not the same.Joining clubs and participating in activities will not really solve the problem. In fact, this may only wear you out.Advertisement
- If you have problems with any of these steps, ask a question for more help, or post in the comments section below.
Categories : Mental Health
Recent edits by: Eng, estrella sacragon