I'm falling in love terribly with a person who is 19 years younger than I?
It's a new college. I already expressed my feelings for him. His answer: "It will pass". He stays friendly, and we are still communicating. We see each other as friends. He has a girlfriend and no children. I have never been married and have no children. I realize that I have to give him time to think about the situation. I'm not putting any pressure on him. I told him that I cannot give him children. I'm too old for that (I am 49). I realize that I would take a high risk if he were to start something with me. If the relationship would not work, we still have to work together in the future. Love could become hate. I feel vulnerable. What should I do?
The person is probably flattered by your attention, and he is happy to have a new person who can teach him something about this life; but he has already stated his point of view towards the relationship where either his girlfriend affected his choice or he feels no love. In general, age does not matter when one feels love; but it may happen that he has a certain age preference, which is usually a combination of the intellectual level, mutual hobbies and interests, and his overall vision of the ideal person of the opposite sex. Write a list of what talents, hobbies, ideas, philosophy, and habits you like and dislike in the person. See if you really can support him in the liked ones and put up with the disliked ones, as a person who is 30 is really hard to mold. If the list is empty or somewhat empty in some "liked" fields, then it may be infatuation. If the disliked area is not almost empty or not empty, then you have to realize that the disliked features will become irksome over time, which should be considered too. To avoid feeling vulnerable, you need a lot of support, which can be given to you by your friends, a therapist (a psychologist), or your new hobbies. Concentrate on gaining support for a time until you feel that your self-esteem has gone up (if you gained new hobbies and friends that he deems great, then it might affect his heart predisposition about you too), and then decide whether it is a good idea to pursue the goal of having him as a boyfriend. If you will still feel that, then you will have to give him a one-time offer to become your boyfriend with a short deadline for his final answer and tell him that his refusal will not affect your friendship.