Edited by Anonymous, Farmer Fred, Maria
Questions and Answers
Is my dad having an affair, or are my suspicions wrong?
My mom married and divorced before I was even. I have tried: I've tried sending him notes, but he ignores them. I've also took pictures of his history and the websites he has been on.. I think it was caused by: I think my dad has lost interest in my mom.
You can't control what your parents do in their relationship as a child. This is tough especially when you are old enough to discern what might be going on. You should have a conversation with your father and let him know that you are concerned that he has lost interest in his relationship. Do not show any proof or accuse but give him the chance to speak. If you still feel that something is going on and did not get information from your father to ease your fears then you can speak with your mother regarding your concerns. You may not like either of your parent's answers to your questions but let them know that you are seriously concerned and afraid for the future of your family. Your father may put up an emotional wall and remain silent because he feels it is none of your business. Be sure to convey to him that this is a serious issue for you and that you need answers from him even if you will not be happy with his answers. Show that you are mature enough to handle the conversation.
Is it time for me to talk to my dad?
My dad used to teach in a college where one of his old students also used to work. She used to call him everyday for silly reasons like checking whether he reached home and whether he remembered to take his keys. I felt that something wasn't right about that relationship. It was something more than a teacher-student relationship. One day, my mom picked up a call that came for him at 6:00 in the morning because he was in the shower. When my mom asked her if she had something important to say, the lady just hung up. My dad went abroad recently and my mom was happy because that way, she hoped, my dad wouldn't be on the phone with her for too long. But now my dad is back and she is still in touch with him. But now dad doesn't take his calls when he is with us, he just goes out with his phone. He used to give me his phone earlier, but now he guards it like it is the Shroud of Turin. We were a happy family, but now my mom feels really insecure and cries a lot. She still hasn't talked to him about her, but I've made it clear that I don't like her. I don't know if I should just ask him what is really going on.. I have tried: I have only dropped hints that I don't think he should spend such a lot of time with her.
Something is definitely going on. Confront your father and threaten to go to the college to speak about this possible relationship. This will come across as an accusation but at this point it may need to be done. For all you know, your mother may have confronted your father and is trying to remain strong and not let you know what is going on.
Your other option is to speak with your mother first and let her know you are not deaf nor blind and see and hear more that she thinks you do. Let her know that you need to be informed of what she is doing about this. Build her self-esteem by offering her emotional support during this time. Let her know that no matter what happens, you are still her child and will support her decisions. You may also want to ask her to report the possible misconduct of her husband to the college. Higher education faculty boards frown on student/professor relationships and some even have clauses of immediate termination when an affair occurs with a student. Adults do selfish things which we think will not hurt our children but in reality our children suffer when there is strife and suspicion in a marriage. I am sorry this is happening to you and your mother. It is very sad that he is doing this and thinks he is getting away with it.
Categories : Relationships
Recent edits by: Farmer Fred, Anonymous