Q&A from the article:

Deal with your boyfriends female friend

Edited by Amethyst, Eng, carolinewateridge, Honey32 and 2 others

Questions and Answers

Hi, I need some advice on dealing with my boyfriend's female friends?

Hi there, I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. He runs a track and is quite good at it, so he gets a lot of female attention especially from his female teammates. There is one in particular, who is also very good at track and has become friends with my boyfriend. His and her parents have also become friends. He doesn't bring her up in conversation often, but when she does come up, he'll start off saying she is a friend, but then he'll mention that she is pretty and how impressive she is. I think I feel left out because I play lacrosse, so I can't relate and understand a significant portion of who he is. He calls the girls he is captain over 'his girls' too which rubs me the wrong way at times. He even said once that they were watching him practice and it 'made him feel some type of way'. I have males in my life that are interested in me and somehow I find attractive, but specifically don't bring them up because I think about how I would feel if that happened to me. I just feel like I am treating him the way I want to be treated, but I don't get the same back. I don't say this to say that our whole relationship doesn't but I would like some tips on how to deal with this insecurity. I love him and I want to make this work. Any advice would be very much appreciated. Best regards

Was this helpful? Yes | No | I need help
Ad

VisiHow QnA. This section is not written yet. Want to join in? Click EDIT to write this answer.

My boyfriend had an affair with a female colleague?

We are in a relationship for the past 5 years and have been in a love relationship for last 1 year. 3 months back, I found something really weird. It was Sunday morning, we both were on leave. He was sleeping and his phone rang, there was a message from some girl. I was shocked because I was aware of all of his colleagues, that was a new name. Then I went through the conversation, it was really really hurting for me, their words were enough to understand their relationship. In fact, they made plans for a romantic trip also (I remember he told me that he was going on a trip with his colleagues without me and I agreed, though he was going with that girl alone.) I was totally broken. I asked him to let me know everything and the reason behind this. he was speechless. He just said that she had a crush on me and was aware of our relationship. So, I asked him to call her and to give me the proof that he is not lying. But, he didn't. So, I called her, and we both were shocked because she was also unaware of me. She shouted at me, instead of him. I told her the truth. After a few days, he said that she has left the job, again a lie. His friends told me that she is still there. This again hurt me. I know, he is not in terms with her now (as per him), but I don't know why I am worried. I tried to forgive him and forget things, but couldn't. It has been 3 months. I still cry every day just to know the answer for what reason he did this to me. I loved him unconditionally like anything. Many boys proposed to me, a lot better than him, but I refused just for him and he cheated on me. I want to forget everything and continue with him. He also loves me a lot and cares for me, but this incident kills me every second. Please help me out. The difference is that I do not want a breakup, also he does not. But, I feel pathetic that I was cheated on and I want to bring back that trust factor. I want a healthy relationship again, as we were about to get married in a few years. I want to assure that he doesn't do the same in future again. I have tried: I talked to him again n again just to know the truth, but he just says sorry n ignores the things. He agrees that he has committed a mistake but what to do now. He said that he will leave that job and we will go for a vacation that will change my mood. I made plans for a vacation, but suddenly he dropped the idea and continued with the same job. I asked him to change the job, but with some stupid excuses, he just hurts me. I think there is still something between them. I think it was caused by: His lies are the only reason. He kept telling me that his colleagues are aware of our relationship, but that was a lie. Whenever I was busy cooking, he used to call her, every day. The whole day, they were together in the office and at night also, he was busy in his WhatsApp. I never doubted him and that was my mistake I think. When for the first time, she called him, we were sitting together, he was aware that it was her number, so he just ignored that call in front of me. Then, he went out to the balcony, and talked to her for almost half an hour, I thought he was talking to his friend. When he came back, I found that the number was not there in the call log, I asked him, he simply said that there was no such number. Also, he added that how could I think of a third person being in between us as we were having a healthy relationship. I felt sorry as I did wrong. But after 15-20 days, this incident took place and I came to know this sad reality.

Was this helpful? Yes | No | I need help
Advertisement

VisiHow QnA. This section is not written yet. Want to join in? Click EDIT to write this answer.

Is it right for my boyfriend to get mad at me when I get jealous?

We had a long discussion of my insecurities of him meeting with his girl "friends" but is it right for him to sound angry and tell me "I had a few of my girlfriends text me and I had to shy away from it". I'm just curious was that right of him to say?

Was this helpful? Yes | No | I need help
Advertisement

VisiHow QnA. This section is not written yet. Want to join in? Click EDIT to write this answer.

My boyfriend has a very close female friend but my instinct makes me wary?

My boyfriend has LOTS of female friends. It's a change from what I'm used to in a man, but he's AMAZING and I'm getting used to it. But one of his most close friendships, in fact, his MOST close friendship is with an attractive divorcee. He insists they've always only been friends and I believe this. But I feel that the depth their special relationship puts our relationship in the shade. That when the sparkle and excitement of a new relationship fade somewhat that it will be her that he is going to discuss relationship issues etc. He's very loyal and faithful. And he said, "she doesn't fancy me and even if she did she's very honorable and wouldn't pursue me as she knows I'm with you". But that somehow made it even worse. He said he has never had any feelings for her other than friendship. But when I said, initially, I'm glad you both had each other to help you through difficult times. He said why don't you add her on Facebook. I know her from years ago. So I added her. She told him she had added me. But actually, she hadn't, she still hadn't accepted my request a week and a half later. It just doesn't add up. She just had her 30th birthday party and it was an invitation-only affair and organized before I was on the scene. She organized for him to sit next to her. I said she could have sat next to any of her friends, and he said I would have been surprised if she hadn't sat next to me. I'm not sure exactly why it makes me feel uncomfortable but it does. I've tried to explain to him, but he just reassures me he loves me. That his feelings for her are platonic. That I come first etc. But it irks me because I tried to make her a friend, to overcome my natural instinct, but she has rejected that. I don't think, honestly, that it's possible for a man to occupy the 'man space' in two women's lives successfully. Am I right? What do I do? Communication has been opened, frank discussions about vulnerability. But I sense a complete resistance to a reduction in the level of intimacy of that friendship. And I think intimacy with another woman unless they are willing to be very intimate with me too, is a threat to a relationship. Perhaps I'm wrong. I've asked for some time to get my head round it. Is this paranoid or sensible? I have tried: Communication. Open and honest, it makes me feel. Are you sure neither of you have ever had feelings? I think it was caused by: I think the fact I reached out to her on Facebook (I think I've done it twice now). The fact she said she had accepted my request and actually hadn't. We're not children here. It was actually her 40th but I put 30th as didn't want to identify, not that I think she would be googling this topic. I think falling in love after a divorce etc, it requires a lot of trust. And I trust my boyfriend implicitly, he's incredibly faithful and honorable. It's not that I think he's about to jump into bed with her. It's about his intimacy compass. Will it point back to her, once our relationship is more settled down? She helped him through some of the most difficult years of his life when his marriage was breaking down and his wife was going off with other men. They are very close. And he has helped her through her husband leaving. She doesn't believe (from a religious viewpoint) that she is free to marry again, but that doesn't mean she doesn't necessarily have feelings. She says things to him that are positive (she hasn't met me since I've started dating him, and I say dating, but it is a serious relationship probably heading towards marriage). But acts differently. She clearly perceives me as a threat. And so I guess that's how I now see her. I've not reacted before. I live quite a long way from my Boyfriend so when he had to go on a night out with her and another couple (pre-arranged from before we were together) I just said enjoy it etc. Then she wanted to arrange something else, but it turned into a group event, they went bowling, and I was cool with that, have a nice time etc. But I am wary. If I'm honest, I'm completely wary. He brushes it all off by saying that oh but she's always texting me about various people at work she's attracted to etc. But I think it's a bluff. I'm sure that she's been very damaged by her husband leaving. Which makes my Boyfriend protective.

Was this helpful? Yes | No | I need help

VisiHow QnA. This section is not written yet. Want to join in? Click EDIT to write this answer.

The above questions are from the following wiki...
Deal with your boyfriends female friend
More questions and answers

See more questions like this: My boyfriend has a female friend (who is an ex-girlfriend) staying at his house next March?

What do I do about my boyfriends bestee/ex/has cheated 1 time already?

I will only keep this short as possible but 13 years with the same problem is a long time. K what do I do about this girl that he used to at one time hang out with seemed like more than me. She in the past has been more than flirty which eventually lead to making out with her 1 time. I really believe it ever was taken that far the one time right after he came and felt so guilty he told me. he promised that would be the last time they would talk and already told her the same thing. (We we're having problems at the time). Well shortly after I saw he tried txt her again to say Happy New Year.which after a long bumpy Road now I'm here . See its only a problem when she's having problems he is who she calls to rescue her. From time to time he would visit with her but she would most the time be with her boyfriend when they would hangout. He always ends up hiding it from me. I really don't think he is cheating now but no matter what I hear her name and it makes my stomach turn. Now it's to the point I think it's a respect thing if he loved me why does it mean so much to him that he won't end ties with her it breaks my heart. I've tried every angle even came to her and poured my heart out. I think it made no progress maybe she messages more.? I can't just leave I have no family and could stay with friends but I have a 14 and 16 years old that aren't his blood but might as well be Still not. What do I do.

Was this helpful? Yes | No | I need help

VisiHow QnA. This section is not written yet. Want to join in? Click EDIT to write this answer.

How do I deal with my partner choosing his female friend over me?

My partner and I have been together for 5 years. Early last year he told me he was going to a high school reunion that his friend was dragging him along too. He went back to his parents house to stay as he had too much to drink and they picked him up. I picked him up the next morning when he tells me his female friend from high school he saw the night before went out with him for drinks and she went back to stay with him at his parents house. That was the end of that for a few months until the friend who took him to the high school reunion was shocked and told me there was no reunion when I asked one day how it was. I confronted him about it and he told me that he looked her up online and they went for a few drinks, she then went back with him to his parents and slept in his bed! Apparently nothing happened. I told him I was uncomfortable with her staying and I was so upset he lied but forgave him. Until several months later she stayed again while they were drinking, while I was away, I forgave him once again while making myself clear that it never happens again. 5 months ago we split up because they were still in contact and I felt like a nutcase for getting so jealous, he took her to meet his boss while I was at work, they would go for a days at the beach, lunch etc. We ended it and not even a month later he said he wouldn't ever talk to her again because he couldn't lose me. Again I forgave him. The other night we had a fight and he said he was going to his mates house to talk and calm down and as soon as he left I broke down crying with this gut feeling he was lying. I got in the car and done a drive by of her house and he was there. He lied to me again!! I hit him up and asked for his phone and Facebook where he had been talking to her on and off for months! I absolutely have no trust for him now and I said it's over if he keeps seeing her, he said he shouldn't have to give up a friendship when he's done nothing wrong. But he's lied to me so many times. So it's either me or her. Do you have any advice on how to deal with this and move forward together and them remain friends or should I just call it quits? Am I over reacting? That he's lied to me so much, after saying he would stop seeing/talking to her. Running off to her when we get into arguments.

Was this helpful? Yes | No | I need help

VisiHow QnA. This section is not written yet. Want to join in? Click EDIT to write this answer.

Referencing this Article

If you need to reference this article in your work, you can copy-paste the following depending on your required format:

APA (American Psychological Association)
Hi, I need some advice on dealing with my boyfriend's female friends. (2017). In VisiHow. Retrieved Mar 25, 2017, from http://visihow.com/Hi_Mr._Amir,_I_need_some_advice_on_dealing_with_my_boyfriend%27s_female_friends

Was this helpful? Yes | No | I need help

MLA (Modern Language Association) "Hi, I need some advice on dealing with my boyfriend's female friends." VisiHow, visihow.com/Hi_Mr._Amir,_I_need_some_advice_on_dealing_with_my_boyfriend%27s_female_friends Accessed 25 Mar 2017.

Was this helpful? Yes | No | I need help

Chicago / Turabian VisiHow.com. "Hi, I need some advice on dealing with my boyfriend's female friends." Accessed Mar 25, 2017. http://visihow.com/Hi_Mr._Amir,_I_need_some_advice_on_dealing_with_my_boyfriend%27s_female_friends.

Was this helpful? Yes | No | I need help

If you have problems with any of the steps in this article, please ask a question for more help, or post in the comments section below.

Comments

VisiHow welcomes all comments. If you do not want to be anonymous, register or log in. It is free.

Ask the author

Amir Rose07
Premier Author
150 Articles Started
809 Article Edits
29,100 Points
Amir Rose07 is a premier author with VisiHow. Amir Rose07 has achieved the level of "Lieutenant" with 29,100 points. Amir Rose07 has started 150 articles (including this one) and has also made 809 article edits. 1,998,000 people have read Amir Rose07's article contributions.
Amir Rose07's Message Board
Amir Rose07: Hi, my name is Amir Rose07.
Amir Rose07: Can I help you with your problem about "Hi, I need some advice on dealing with my boyfriend's female friends"?
 

Article Info

Categories : Relationships

Recent edits by: Myrtella, Honey32, carolinewateridge

Share this Article:

Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 142 times.

Do you have a question not answered in this article?
Click here to ask one of the writers of this article
x

Thank Our Volunteer Authors.

Would you like to give back to the community by fixing a spelling mistake? Yes | No