Have a Happy and Contented Marriage
Edited by estrella sacragon, Anonymous, Lynn, Eng and 3 others
Are you planning to tie the knot anytime soon? Are you the marrying type or not? Have you ever wondered if there is such a thing as forever in "I do's"?
Marriage was once simple. You get married, have kids, work hard, and stay married
despite the ups and downs of life. Sounds like a plan, right? A simple formula, but an otherwise complicated theorem after all. Contrary to popular belief, marriage is never really a bed of roses without recognizing that the thorns can make you bleed. Over the years, however, that simple black and white tiered concept has changed. Many couples now recognize that there is a gray area in all things - even in marriage. Married people these days have become more independent and would not settle for less. Modern marriages today do not necessarily mean happy marriages. A work in progress state could be a closer definition to many. Marriage does not guarantee heaven or a perfect sunrise every single time. Conflict and trials will always be a part of the relationship and that is when couples start to realize that reality does bite. You don't get to have a slice of a successful marriage overnight. It takes a huge amount of continuous effort to make it work. With the fast increase of divorce rates today, the thought of keeping a happy and contented marriage has actually become quite a challenging feat for couples. So how do you achieve a harmonious marriage with your spouse? What are the ingredients to make a relationship last? Is forever an achievable concept in real-time relationships or something confined to bedtime romance novels?
How to Have a Happy and Contented Marriage
Keep Separate Lives.
Theoretically, too much of anything can be just as worse as having too little. It is believed that too much independence can lead to workaholism or worse, infidelity of your spouse. Conversely, so is too much dependence. When your partner becomes too impulsively clingy or needy of attention then it can wreak havoc to your relationship which could render the same undesirable results. It is both suffocating and exhausting to be in such marriages which are destined to failure. Fact is, every good marriage has to be founded on an awful lot of disagreements as well as some degree of separation. Maintaining your own identity is important in keeping your sanity in a marriage. If you tend to be agreeable to every single thing that your partner imposes on you, then you lose track of yourself. Many people feel stuck in unhappy relationships because they tend to have outgrown each other along the way. You will feel miserable when you do not longer recognize your worth as an individual. People should try to have their own separate life and existence so as to feel important as individuals. Spouses should understand that they cannot live solely as someone's partner. Thus, the need to have some time alone is very important. Getting married does not give one the license to possess their spouse and control their whole existence. Being a husband or wife is just one of the many roles that you have to play in life which include being a mom or dad, son or daughter, brother or sister, relative, friend, and co-worker; among others. You should be able to set aside a time for other people and other aspects of your life. Making a weekly or monthly schedule can keep you organized and enable you to maintain a productive and well-balanced life. Time is the only commodity that you can maximize and exhaust as you wish. Keep in mind that married life is not just about honoring your commitment to one another, but also the relationships that you have with the people around you. Allow your partner ample space to breathe and enjoy his or her thing. You may be an important part of his life, but the world does not necessarily revolve on you alone. Marriage is meant to be a partnership and not a one-man show. Take some time off and go out with your girlfriends to splurge and do shopping or just enjoy being pampered the whole day at a spa. Husbands should be able to spend some time with the guys without you trailing behind or snooping at their whereabouts every now and then. There is a time for you to go out as a couple or together with common friends. But, some space should be left untouched for you both to enjoy separate time for leisure or harnessing other skills. Some time of separation and individuality is vital to keeping you intact as a couple. It takes a huge amount of respect and trust to be able to allow a person to grow and expand his or her interests apart from yours. More so, it takes a lot of love and maturity to be able to understand that your partner is an equal and that you both have individual and collective pursuits that you ought to support and encourage all the way. Keeping that mystery alive even when you are already married is important in keeping the fire burning in a relationship. It does not mean that you should be very secretive of things but to ignite some tolerable amount of mystery to make the relationship exciting despite the number of years being together. The thought of unpredictability and uncertainty can either make a couple crumble or struggle to become more invincible through the years. There is a thin line that separate hostility and individual liberty, it takes a mature and committed couple to realize that growing together and individually needs a powerful give and take balance to make it work over the long haul.
There are a lot of reasons why you should stay married than get a divorce and choose the easy way out. Happy spouses are proven to live longer, earn more, and are more altruistic and social members of the society than their single counterparts. To keep the fire burning, go out on dates once in a good while or do it as often as you can. Getting married is never a juncture or the end of courtship and "getting-to-know-each-other" stage in a relationship. It should be a continuous effort to pursue and mirror your partner in many ways than one. Some men tend to go lax or predictable in a relationship because marriage certainly seals the deal of a lifelong commitment. But, this laziness and lack of effort in maintaining the relationship just because you think he or she is not going anywhere because you got married is a losing end - a death trap for every married couple.Flirting and keeping the passion alive should never be taken for granted once you get married. Going out on frequent dates is one way to strengthen the relationship. Variety and surprises are a welcoming factor in a relationship. Send her a lovely bouquet of roses in the office with a note saying you'll see her tonight. You can call your husband at work just to play naughty and mess with his mind. These playful gestures is what keeps you positive despite the day-to-day struggles and stress experienced at work or even in the household. In fact, studies show that it is actually good for your kids to see you and your spouse off for the weekend and just leave them at home. You will be able to raise happy and responsible children if you are both mature enough to work out things as a couple. Happy marriages may be far from perfect, but it is the differences and struggles that make two committed people strive to make it work because they believe and value each other. If you know in your heart that the juice is worth the squeeze, would you hesitate or go for every last drop? Love and marriage certainly involve risks. In fact, a handsome pile of couples have failed or have just entirely given up on each other. You just have to decide to make something work and frequent dates is one of the most effective ways to continue with the flirting game as well as to strengthen a friendship and the bond of marriage. It is good that you go out on weekends and have casual dates, even if it's just a movie or pizza date. It can be as simple as having coffee together or getting into one of those elaborate romantic getaways just like old times. Put a little energy and time into your marriage so you can succeed all the way through.
A happy marriage requires more maintenance than your car.
Many men wait to try and save and fix their marriages until the time they notice their wives have already turned off or have lost the incentive. As the cliché goes, if you don't put oil in your engine, it freezes. Men must understand that they need to put more energy into keeping their marriage; otherwise, the marriage may break. It's the little details that count most in a relationship. A lot of times, these little mundane things are what most couples take for granted especially when you have been married for a long time. They say that romance and passion wane over time. However, everything in marriage or in any human relationship does take a lot of effort to make it work. If you decide to shrug it off and just let go then you may not be looking in the same direction. It definitely takes two to tango. If one seems to be unhappy and is looking for a way to get out of the marriage, then your relationship could be a ticking bomb. Marriage involves two people who decide to make their relationship work no matter what the odds are. Routine can either make two people bored or in sync with each other. It's the little deliberate or even random things that make up a happy marriage. Yes, marriage does require a lot of maintenance, but is worth so much more than all luxury or vintage cars combined. It really is a conscientious effort to make a marriage work that keeps couples together for a long time. Many couples tend to be very entangled and busy with their day-to-day grind - household chores, changing nappies, working on kid's projects, office work, drinking with buddies, basketball, and all other things in between that they forget to catch up with what's happening in each other's lives or the marriage. Being interested in what's going on with your partner or the kids is what makes every marriage interesting. Doing little and routine things for each other is very important to build your rapport as a couple. This means that "I'm here with you and for you" and that would not change no matter how busy or stressed each other could be along the way. These little stuff that you do for each other - like making sure her bath is warm enough or fixing him his favorite coffee with the newspaper - are the things that remind couples that they are indeed important to each other no matter how busy one can be.
Another tip to have a happy and contented marriage is to be always nice to your partner.
Research shows that every little thing can go a long way in a marriage. Try to make small gestures once in a while. Again, it is the little things that really matter. Happy marriages are based on deep friendship and knowing each other very well. Partners must have mutual respect, understanding when it is time to work out an issue and when it is not solvable. Once the respect is gone, everything tends to crumble and disintegrate. It takes genuine effort to be nice to your partner even at difficult times or when you are both stressed and burnt out. More so, it takes a lot of love to extend nice gestures even when your partner tends to be unlovable or disagreeable. Knowing your partner very well is never an excuse to give up on exerting more effort to know and understand him or her better. Just like in any other relationship, being nice to your partner is one of the ingredients of a peaceful coexistence. You have to be sensitive and mindful of the needs of one another. You can establish a routine as you go along and get to know how one behaves or go about in a day-to-day grind. Marriage is somehow linked to the idea of a dance which takes pure instinct, balance, and practice to make it perfect. You will really never know a person until you decide to marry him or her and live with that person. There are times that you get to predict or know each other's needs without ever verbalizing them. That is exactly how you get attuned to the whole roundabouts of married life. Saying "thank you", "please", or "sorry" should never be neglected in marriage. These magic words go a mile, especially when coupled with terms of endearment and a generous dose of "I love you". Making sure that he gets home with a warm meal and an immaculate house is one of the important ways to show your husband that you love your family. In the same way, taking out the trash, keeping promises, and showing up on your kid' football game is one of the genuine ways to make a wife happy. Showing up with a bouquet of roses and a box of chocolates won't hurt as well. Little things do count much more than the lavish and expensive gifts that you can give to your partner. Time, attention, and chunks of love definitely goes a long way in any marriage.
When issues arise, couples must be open about "fruitful discussions".
Learn to keep the communication lines open for you and your partner. It is important to talk and hear each other out whether you are sorting a feud or deciding on some things. Just learn to live with rest and try to simply put up with the current issue and not dwell with past mistakes. Learning to communicate is something that the kindergarten or even toddlers can do way better than most adults or married couples at that. Communication is regarded to be an essential ingredient in making a relationship work out even the rough edges. It is a skill that involves active listening and interaction or exchange of ideas. There are some couples who agree to disagree when necessary, but are able to come out with better options. This proves that healthy discussions is never just about agreeing to your every partner's whim, it's about hearing out each other's opinion and coming up with the most effective solution. It's supposed to be a win-win situation and not a bullying trick of who dominates the other. As such, marriages are borne out of friendship and partnership in which both has equally important parts to play to make a relationship work. Talking and communicating frequently by all means possible is a good way to keep in touch with each other despite the distance. This is most challenging to married couples who could be working at a different location; but is certainly workable, especially with varied modern communication platforms available today. Nothing beats face-to-face conversations, though amidst the growing popularity of mobile phones or social media connectivity. Constant communication about your day-to-day routine and experiences is important to keep you both in the loop of things. Talking about random things, playing with words, or just enjoying the tranquility of being together is one of the biggest blessings that marriage has given to a lot of couples.
Finally, a long, happy and contented marriage is all about knowing your partner wholeheartedly. Be supportive and nice to each other
For one negative thing you do, do five positive things to balance it out. Make sure you are able to balance all the negative concerns with positive ones. They said that you should definitely marry your best friend. Lucky is the one who gets to do just that in his lifetime. There are lots of reasons to get married; but nonchalantly every man or woman should decide to get married for one reason alone - love. Knowing your partner is a lifetime process and it does not stop with your exchange of "I do's". Married life is a whole rendezvous of changes which uncovers myriad of facets in your partner. Just when you thought you knew everything there is to know about him or her, life hits you with a jolt of surprises. Change is definitely a constant thing and it makes people evolve in ways unfathomable. Growing old together in marriage is not just about the years spent together, but how you have grown to look beyond the imperfections and to grow in love for another over the years. Love is really a dance. The timing may not always be perfect, but you have to move collaboratively in sync with your partner.
Questions and Answers
How can I live contentedly whether married or unmarried?
I need help. How can I live contentedly whether married or unmarried
Contentment is a state of mind. It can be difficult to change your mindset to be positive but overall when you take a minute to find something positive each hour it can make a difference. Being content means that you need to take control of your life and whatever you can't control needs to be forgotten. Resolve conflicts immediately instead of letting your anger fester, even if you were right it is best to apologize and mend relationships.
Find hobbies that make you happy. It can even be watching a show in the evening in your pajamas, but if it makes you feel good then it is a positive action in your life. Learn to say "No" when you need time to yourself. We often can get overwhelmed trying to please everyone at the same time and it is just not possible. Learn when you need that "Me" time and do not feel bad for taking it. For me personally, I need time every day for just myself after my children go to bed. It took a long time to stop doing laundry during that time or other things I needed to get done but now I make a cup of tea and sit down and relax for one hour. I have noticed that this works for me to remain centered and positive throughout the rest of my day. It is almost motivation to remind myself that I will be able to unwind that evening. Here are more VisiHow articles for you to enjoy:
Recent edits by: Alma, Marian Raquel F. Roncesvalles, Eng