Get over the fear of marriage
Edited by Ephraim, Charmed, cheryl laolao, Lynn and 11 others
Many people are afraid of marriage for a number of reasons, but regardless of the reasons, in general, marriage is nothing to be afraid of. Marriage can be a beautiful thing between two people and shouldn't be something to fear. This article will help you overcome your fear of marriage and will improve the connection between you and your partner, as this fear might be getting in the way of having a wonderful relationship. The rate of divorce is enough to discourage any sane person from getting married, but don't let the lack of success dissuade you from spending the rest of your life with your partner. Perhaps here, you will find a way to overcome your phobia, and help you with one of the most important decisions you'll ever make; whether or not to marry your partner.
- 1Figure out why you are afraid of marriage.There could be a number of reasons, but only you can identify with why you are afraid. If you don't deal with this issue first, you won't be able of making any decisions regarding marriage objectively. For some people, given the odds of success, it's merely a matter of the fear of failing. If you focus on what can go wrong, and not what is right, you will probably never say, "I do." Perhaps you are afraid of change. Some people are. Planning a wedding, moving in with someone, all these are big changes. No longer being with the person you love is also a big change. Be honest with yourself. Be honest with your partner. Together you can figure out where this fear is coming from, and why.Advertisement
- 2Face the fear that is within you.A marriage is about what two people put into it. Because other couples marriages end badly, does not mean yours will. "Tying the knot" doesn't have to evoke images of two people in restraints. Justifiably, some people are gun-shy when it comes to marriage because they have been negatively affected by the marriage of friends and family, but it's the failed marriage of someone's parents that does the most damage. Just know your destiny is not tied to your family or your friends. Destiny is what you make of your life, with what you are given. Instead of convincing yourself it will never work, consider ways in which your marriage will work. You can start by reviewing things that caused the breakdown of your friends and family's marriages, and avoid them. Perhaps sitting down with your partner and writing a game plan for your future marriage might help. Being prepared for issues that might arise in the future can't hurt. It may also reassure you if you already have a way to identify and correct issues in your marriage.Advertisement
- 3Speak to people whose relationship you admire.A happy couple would provide you with an excellent 'role model' of a good marriage. Learn from them. Listen to how they communicate with each other…how they love each other. Talk to them about your fear of marriage, and take the advice they offer you. Listen also to the more difficult aspects of a marriage. Hopefully, this couple will be candid about their marriage, the good �" the bad �" and the ugly. Learning by example is the most effective way to wade through your fears, and find out what you want. Their insight, will become your tools to survive a marriage. You will also be able to be honest about your nuptial reluctance to your partner, perhaps something you haven't been able to do before.
- 4Decide if the person you're with is the person you want to be with for the rest of your life.Don't let your partner cajole or badger you to the altar. Trying to force someone to marry you does not bode well for the 'rest of your life' thing. If you are afraid of marriage, and your partner is constantly bugging you to marry, there will be no real way of you overcoming your fear, and you might get married in spite of not wanting to. No one should ever do that. Ever. If the relationship began because your partner pursued you, or was obsessed with you, the relationship might be imbalanced. Your partner might have deeper feelings of love than you have, and that might be making you unsure. You might feel the person wants to marry you so they can 'keep' you, and this can be unnerving. Imagine yourself with children. Imagine yourself with grandchildren. Imagine yourself sitting on the front porch with your partner sipping lemonade. Can you imagine all these things with your partner? The person you marry should be the person you cannot imagine living your life without. Truth is, even with all these in your favor, you still might not be okay with marriage. The difficult thing is when one of you is ready, and the other is not. You both need to keep an open mind to the possibility of marriage happening for you in the future.
- 5Understand that marriage is not all sunshine and rainbows.There will be tough times along the way, just as you would in any relationship. No relationship is perfect. Arguments and disagreements will arise. Make-up sex will happen following that. It's a complicated, emotionally charged up and down arrangement. Don't look at marriage as something that is supposed to be perfect. It's not. It never will be. But in between the trials and tribulations is joy, and love, and happiness. Consider that people also might give up too easily on their marriage. They don't give it enough, and move on without really trying. It's work. All good things are work.
- 6Figure out exactly what you want out of the relationship.Consider all matters from children, education, careers, to where you want to live. Reflecting on the expectations you have of your marriage will make you to feel you have more control of the idea of marriage. These are all things you need to figure out BEFORE you become engaged to be married. An engagement is a commitment to marriage. It would be unfair to mislead someone if you don't really intent on marrying, or you are afraid of the prospect of being married. All these things should be discussed between the two of you. Listing your fears and expectations first, will help you avoid surprises after you get married. Disagreements, different ideas and compromises will all be part of these discussions. The biggest issues you will have to deal with are religion, money and children. If there way for you two to agree on these issues, or at the very least compromise, there is not way they will be resolved by getting married.
- 7Discuss sex with your partner.It's important to know if you are similar in your ideas of what is acceptable regarding sexual frequency. If one of you thinks twice a day would be good, and the other considers once a month enough, there will be problems. This conversation is especially necessary if you haven't yet had sex with each other. If you've already had a long sexual relationship, you probably already know what you expect from each other. Regardless, sex is a crucial part of the marriage, as it often defines the intimacy of a relationship. If your idea of a healthy sex life differs drastically, there will be problems. Like a marriage, you should never feel forced into having sex with your partner.Advertisement
- 1 Questions and Answers
- 1.1 Can a gamophobe get married?
- 1.2 Ways to overcome gamophobia.
- 1.3 Fear of marriage because not supported and petulance?
- 1.4 How can I overcome marriage phobia?
- 1.5 Do you offer online therapy for this fear? I'm in need?
- 1.6 I don't know if I'm making the best or worst decision of my life?
- 1.7 How to treat someone who is afraid of marriage without seeing a therapist?
- 2 Comments
Questions and Answers
Can a gamophobe get married?
A gamophobia is the irrational fear of marriage, and the answer is yes and no. Yes, a gamophobe can get married, provided he or she has gotten over his fear. Gamophobia, like any other fear, can be dealt with. It all depends on the person, and how determined he or she is to battle it. It would depend on how well the therapy goes �" the commitment of both the therapist and the gamophobe. On the other hand, not everyone who undergoes therapy for fear of marriage has success. That would be a no. Yet, there is nothing stopping you from having a wonderful relationship, even a live-in arrangement where you stay committed for life, but never get married.
It will take a very patient and loving person to smooth this person's fear, and get to a place where he/she is ready to commit their life to another person.
Ways to overcome gamophobia.
A lot of people dream of getting married. For those people who do not find it exciting, and perhaps fear the prospect, one of the things a gamophobe can do is talk to someone close to him or her about the problem. It could be a parent, best friend or a pastor, if you are a member of a church. Talk to someone who is or has been married; someone with firsthand experience with marriage. It's best to talk to someone whose marriage you admire, whose marriage inspires hope for your own future.
Just like any other phobia, professional help may be needed to overcome it. You might make an appointment with a psychotherapist or a behavioral therapist.
If you are in a relationship, it is also important that your partner is aware of your fear. This is to be fair to him or her. Expressing your fears, and being honest with your partner, will promote dialogue. This might be just the person to help you get over your phobia.
It takes time to get over any phobia. Don't rush the process or expect too much from yourself, too soon. All relationships, whether friendships or romantic, will help you deal with issues of commitment.
Fear of marriage because not supported and petulance?
I like to marry but because the fear of petulance and not supported by my spouse I'm not willing to marry. My parents also didn't support me in my life and this point is very important for me. Please help me. Thanks. I have tried: Psychologists, books like Are You The One For Me & Secret About Men (barbara de angelis), ..
Is this person supportive in all other areas of your life? I know you have tried to do everything you could to work through your issues, but sometimes we transfer our issues onto the other person. If you are not ready for marriage then do not force yourself into it. If the person you are with loves you, then they will be willing to wait for a bit longer. Do yourself a favor and remove yourself from making a "checks and balances" list about how they fulfill your needs. Instead, jot down three positive things a day about your relationship. Focusing on the negativity will fail every relationship you have in your life. There are some people who do not understand commitment because of their past. You can't base how someone should treat you in regards to how your parents treated you. It is unfortunate that they were not there emotionally for you, but it is not the fault of the person you are in a relationship with.
How can I overcome marriage phobia?
Hi Amir,. I have an immense fear of marriage phobia which makes me think what will I talk to girl, how will I spend whole time with her, how will I take responsibilities and all . SO How can I overcome such feelings and go ahead in life. I really want to get married and have a family but my fear always stops me from going ahead. I have tried: Meditation self confidence responsibilities. I think it was caused by: My lack of responsibilities and shy nature
Stop viewing every girl as a potential spouse. Instead, get to know them and have fun with them. Most relationships do not begin talking of a future until they first begin discussing that they love each other. You are probably going to end up dating several girls before you meet the "One" that you are intended on spending the rest of your life with. If you think about it, when you are about to make a major purchase such as a house, you look at several before you make your final decision. Or if you are planning a vacation, you would not choose the first resort that you found online, you would look at several possibilities and then make your decision based on location or amenities.
Do you offer online therapy for this fear? I'm in need?
I got engaged recently, I'm a 25-year-old female. We moved in with my partner but it was too much for me. I'm a person who likes their own space and living with a person everyday annoys me. I want to be away from them sometimes, I also feel like my partner is controlling, I'm not free to meet friends unless he agrees. I don't want to get married to this person because I feel like when we are married it will be worse.. I have tried: Nothing. I think it was caused by: Maybe we moved in too soon
You need to call off this engagement. Living with someone is never easy but his control issues will never change. It may be that he is feeling insecure based on your reservations towards living with him. If you really want this relationship to work, you need to be upfront with your fiance. Explain to him that the living situation was too soon or that you need a certain amount of personal space each week. You will also want to tell him that his controlling behavior is not something that you want in a partner for life. If he can't trust you then this relationship will never flourish. No one wants to feel trapped and this is how you are feeling. If his insecurity is based on signals you have been exhibiting of distancing yourself then this relationship has a chance if he can relax and trust. Otherwise, you will need to end it. Do not make any wedding plans until you feel comfortable enough to spend the rest of your life with him.
I don't know if I'm making the best or worst decision of my life?
I'm engaged but if I don't get married in 2 months she will have to go back to her own country and this pressure is too much for me...I'm terrified it will not work out for us what can I do. She is non-national and the only way she can stay with me here is if we get married we can't just take things slowly and let things develop naturally. I find it very difficult to let her go but the pressure on me is too much..I still have hope for us but I'm terrified of making the wrong decision. I have tried: We talked a lot but she doesn't see the pressure is so much for me although I've told her. I think it was caused by: The problem is I need more time for our relationship to grow and we don't have the time
Welcome to all International relationships. There are doubts of will this work. There are doubts of are they just marrying me for citizenship. There are adjustments of living in a new country. There are financial burdens since one person in the relationship will have to rely on the other because they can't legally work while visiting. In an International relationship, the only thing you should focus on is if you love her enough to want to spend the rest of your life with her. You will really need to have a strong relationship to weather the trials and storms the immigration "wait". There will be lots of pressure while you are waiting for the approval for her to live full time with you in your country. She does not qualify for medical insurance, and she can't get a job which means all financial obligations are on you. She can't move completely forward with her life. She is living in a new country where she barely knows anyone so you are her only "social interaction". You will also be her surrogate family for holidays while she is awaiting immigration. There are many couples that fall apart while waiting for immigration. If you do not think that you love her enough to handle all the pressure, then perhaps send her back to her country with plans to marry her there and file for immigration. This will take some of the responsibility off of you, but then you will have to survive a long distance relationship.
How to treat someone who is afraid of marriage without seeing a therapist?
I don't know how to explain the situation. For sure it is a long story. I think I am in love with someone who has gamophobia. How can I treat him and solve the problem without seeing a therapist? Is this possible? Thank you
If you truly love this person, then take the pressure of marriage off the table. Tell him that you are willing to just be with him if this is the only commitment he can give. If he is unwilling to see a therapist, a forced counseling venture will not work. You may never get married to him. Be prepared for that. While a wedding and marriage are traditional, some couples never get married and have a stronger relationship than their married peers.
If you absolutely need a form of commitment, ask that he participate in a Commitment Ceremony. This is an excellent solution for someone in your situation. You can go through the entire process of a wedding without the marriage certificate. There will be some drawbacks such as in some countries, you are not considered a family member for shared work benefits as a beneficiary. Any medical decisions will not be considered because you both are not family to each other in the eyes of the law and health privacy practices. Buying a house together might be a tad more difficult. Having children may be an issue if you can't agree on joint legal custody. Take marriage completely out of the conversation but ask for a future commitment from him. The reality is, that after a certain amount of living together in a relationship, couples are considered common law. If you want, approach him with the scenario of what would happen should you or he be in a catastrophic car accident. Would he be comfortable waiting in the Waiting Room while your parents made all the decisions about your care? Would he be fine with just being considered a "visitor" and not family during that trying time? It is a grave topic to bring up but it should be if you both plan on being together for the long term. Without a marriage certificate, neither of you are legally allowed to make decisions for the other in the event of incapacitation.
- If you have problems with any of these steps, ask a question for more help, or post in the comments section below.
Categories : Marriage
Recent edits by: Billc, NyikoGitah, chuck lagare