Get a guy into the friendzone

Edited by Ephraim, Charmed, Nate Pepperell, Lynn and 20 others

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Let's admit it; some guys just don't seem to understand what "no" means. This wiki will give you suggestions for putting a guy into the friend zone. This is what you want to do if he thinks of you romantically, and you're just not into him the same way. Some guys like the challenge of the chase, when it comes to girls, so if your efforts to push them away are too subtle, that may only serve to encourage them. So, now you know you need a different and more straightforward approach.

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The process of friend-zoning involves discouraging a guy from attempting to woo you. There's a real balance in this technique where you need to get your message clear and decisive, and yet get him to see the value of your friendship. If you aren't sensitive enough, it may jeopardize your friendship.

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Friend-Zoning Strategies

Understand current circumstances.

Before you decide to put your friend into the friendzone, make sure you don't feel anything but friendship for him. If there is even a hint of romantic feelings for him, you might want to try the relationship out. It can be tricky to get a guy into the friendzone, trickier still to reconsider, and put him into the maybe zone. But if you don't feel anything for him romantically, you will need to let him know that all you want is friendship and nothing more. It's better to let him know that there's never a chance for a relationship together than to send him mixed messages and give him false hopes.

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The Rub-Off

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    If you notice that the guy is dropping hints here and there that he likes you, do not engage with the comments at all
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    Simply ignore them and quickly change the subject. If this guy is smart, he'll get the hint that you are not interested in his advances.
    Notice this big hint: If he tells you he likes someone, but she does not notice him, and if he never mentions her by name, he may be talking about you. He might be trying to get the message to you subliminally, so you'll talk about your emotions. If you're curious enough to ask, you might discover at this point, that you also have feelings for him that go beyond just friends. At the very least, if you get him to divulge his desire to be more than your friend, the lines of communications are open, and you can start dealing with this, as you attempt to get him into the friendzone.
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    If he brings up the subject outright, you can counter it by changing the subject immediately
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    That way, he'll see that you're not interested in him. Make sure not to sound mean, as this can be hurtful for him and might even damage his ego permanently if you're not careful.
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Turning Him Down

When you're friend zoning a guy, remember first and foremost that he is your friend, someone whom you presumably value having in your life. Remember as well that men have feelings, too, and that nobody enjoys being rejected by someone whom he's attracted to.

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    If the guy you're dealing with is confident, you can just come out and tell him that you're not interested in him that way
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    His good self-esteem will allow him to take the blunt truth. Give him your reasons why; for instance, you could say that he feels more like a brother to you, or that your religious beliefs don't match. Just be upfront and honest with him, especially if you want to stay friends with him. He will appreciate your honesty.
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    If he is awkward and a little goofy, and keeping his friendship is important to you, then be honest, but also be extra kind
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    He has likely spent much time thinking about making his move; also, he is more likely to take your rejection to heart, and it will stay with him longer than it would someone who is confident. Make sure that he knows how flattered you are that he would consider you girlfriend material, but tell him that you don't see him that way and give him your reasons. Just be empathetic and be sure to tell him that you will always be there for him as a friend.
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    If he keeps persisting, continue to refuse his advances in blunter and blunter terms
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    If he still doesn't get the message, then it's time to re-evaluate your friendship. You could leave it open that you're willing to reconnect with him after he has moved on from you, but tell him that for now, it's best that you go your separate ways.
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Managing the Friendship

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    Don't be afraid to continue spending time with him or doing things normal friends do
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    After all, he is still your friend, even if he's told he has feelings for you. Even if he asks you to go drinking with him (if you drink) then this is fine, but be sure to not drink to the point where you will make bad decisions and succumb to his advances. The consequences will not work in your favor and will create confusion for him regarding your friendship versus a hoped-for romantic relationship.
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    Be a friend, regardless of his romantic overtures, and be there for him, like you would for any other friend
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    If he has problems and needs you, there is nothing wrong with being there to comfort him. Avoid hugging and kissing, or anything that will seem too intimate, even if you are a warm touchy person. He will incorrectly conclude you are interested in him, other than as a friend. There are lots of ways to be there for your friend, without having to have physical contact.
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How to Friendzone a Guy Without Hurting Him (Too Badly)

Friendzoning a guy without hurting him, seems like a difficult thing to accomplish, especially if it's a long time friend you're dealing with. It is a difficult thing; however, friend-zoning a guy is better than allowing him to continue his advances with no hope of a romantic relationship with you and better than losing a friend. Below are simple tips you can use in conjunction with the strategies mentioned above.

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    Don't be too harsh
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    Avoid anger. Try to be calm, not irritate, when you break the news to him. Men's egos are fragile, and if you are mean, or insensitive when you tell him, it may stay with him for the rest of his life. Simply tell him you don't feel the same way about him. Talk to him the way you would like someone to tell you the same kind of thing.
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    Be honest
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    Whatever lies or stories you tell him, will, in time, be revealed. This will only drag the issue on and on, or cause the loss of the friendship entirely.
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    Reassure him that although his advances won't work on you, you can still be a friend, and do things together as friends do
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    Explain to the guy that it's not the end of the world, and if he's smart enough to accept that, you can have a really good friendship that may last for years and years, but make sure he has given up completely on you first.
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    If you have a friend who is single, and you think they might be suitable together, you could introduce them
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    Talk to him about the right way to get a girl. Encourage him that he is a great guy, and there's someone out there for him. Encourage him not to give up on love.
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    Tell him you appreciate anything he's done to show you he loves you, whether it's gifts, or favors or simply kind things he's said.
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    Tell him, as soon as possible, that you only like him as a friend
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    The longer you take, the more difficult it will be for him.
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    Tell him you're flattered and thank him
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    It will make him feel much better about the situation.
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    Explain why you only feel friendship for him
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    It will hurt, but it's important that he understand you fully.
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    After you tell him, be kind
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    If you really want the friendship with him, it's crucial that you remain sensitive to what he is going through.
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What to Do if He Won't Take "NO" For an Answer

Some guys are persistent, especially in pursuing girls they are interested in, and some guys are a little obsessive. Here's how to deal with the dude who just won't let up.

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    This may not be easy to do, but you should distance yourself from him
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    You've tried everything you can to show and tell him you aren't interested, and he chose not to listen.
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    Maybe you can ask mutual friends to talk to him and explain to him that the two of you can never be the couple he is dreaming of
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    If he really has it bad for you, it will help him get over you a lot easier if you just aren't around
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    It would help you to know why the guy is so persistent
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    Ego is the number one culprit. This guy might be shocked to learn that someone is saying "no" when in fact most women say "yes" to his advances. Another reason is that this guy believes he can make you say "yes", which is why you need to make sure that your "no" is forceful enough. Send the right message so this guy will know he's just not welcome in your life.
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    There must be something in you that keeps on attracting this guy
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    Try modifying your looks or act in a way he's never seen before. This way, his fantasy will diminish, and hopefully, disappear. If the guy sees you in a different perspective, chances are, he'll no longer be attracted to you and he'll certainly look the other way. Of course, if you are pushed to this kind of tactic, he might pose a threat to you. He might be obsessed with you.
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    Try to figure out why he is not taking no for an answer.
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    Figure out why you are not attracted to him, so you can tell him when you have a talk.
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    When he wants to talk, listen to him
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    It will help you to get into his head and understand him You'll know more about the kind of woman he wants and be the exact opposite in a very desperate situation.
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    When he starts to ask personal questions, answer the ones that you know he will not like
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    Say no (in public places) in a direct but kind way, and walk away.
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    Date the kind of guys you like
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    Hopefully, this will make him go away.
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    If he keeps on persisting, and you feel he is obsessed with you, stalking you or dangerous to you, you might consider going to the authorities
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    Even registering a complaint with the police, might come in handy further down the road.
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Friendzoning a Guy When He Tells You He Wants to Get to Know You

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Labels seem like they simplify things, but this is not always true, especially when trying to convince a man you are not romantically interested in him...that you just want to be friends. "I just want to be friends." We've all heard it before. We've all been on the other end of that phrase. It's a difficult thing to hear, especially if the guy is really interested. Friendzoning a guy who wants to go beyond "just friends", can be risky and complicated, but lying is unfair and will always cause more damage in the end. If you really don't want to go beyond friendship with a guy who is dead-set on pursuing you, then you have to let him know in words, and in actions, that you only see him as a friend, and he should divert his romantic interests toward someone else instead. Here are some ways to let him know that he is officially on the friendzone list:

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    Repetition makes things crystal clear
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    Keep on telling him how great of a friend he is and how you wish things would stay exactly the way they are. Be persistent and consistent in telling him that he is a friend, no matter how much he insists things should be otherwise. Mention the word "friend" a lot of during your conversations and eventually he and he will get it.
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    Don't give him false hopes
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    Do not encourage his romantic pursuits. Make you're your family and friends know you aren't interested so he doesn't use them to try get to you. Make yourself unavailable and politely say "no". If he gives you gifts, say thank you, but tell him that he doesn't need to give you gifts. If he asks you to go to a movie or a fancy dinner, and it feels more like a date than two friends hanging out, do not mislead him by saying you're busy, or maybe another time. Just tell him you are uncomfortable with something that feels too much like a date. If you keep things consistent, he will soon realize his efforts are futile.
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    Do not initiate things
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    Keep a safe distance. A guy who is totally in love with a girl may be instantly thrilled by a simple "hi" text message on his cell, and completely misinterpret your intentions. Likewise, he might consider unnecessary eye contact flirting. If he believes he's in love with you, every move you make or word you say, becomes a big deal. Be careful of the signals you are inadvertently sending to him. Let him know there are no "special romantic connections" or "sparks" for you at ll.
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    Go for the direct hit
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    If all else fails, you can always tell him that he is in the friendzone. No matter what you do or how carefully you plan to execute things, there is no way to break it gently - the guy is bound to get hurt. This is only natural because the guy has special feelings for you, but he will get through that tiny heartbreak and you both can move forward as friends.
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Questions and Answers

How do you friendzone someone without hurting their feelings too deeply?

We fall for a person who does not love us in return, and it hurts. It's inevitable. Telling a person that he is only in your friendzone, can be difficult. It might be easy to say the words, but it's saying them without destroying them that is really tricky. How can you reject someone without hurting them? Try to point out the good things about the guy. Tell him there is someone out there for him; someone who will love him, and whom he will love. You could tell him you are not ready for any commitment, but if shortly afterward you start dating, it will make him angry. Best to stick with the truth. You could introduce him to someone you think would be a good match. They might just hit off, but if they don't, you might be jeopardizing two friendships.

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Does friendzoning a guy mean he is ugly?

Not necessarily, but of course, it may be your reason or one reason why you're not into him that way. Many guys will believe that, regardless of what you tell them, as there are still women out there who are very superficial. Explain to him that relationships are built on different levels and you like people in different ways. You may have a lot of friends who are guys and a lot of them may even be your "type", but you just don't see them as someone you'd go out with. Friendzoning a guy does not necessarily mean you find him unattractive, or he doesn't make enough money, it's usually the chemistry. For whatever reason, you just don't feel that way about him. You do not have the same romantic feelings he has for you.

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It may make him feel a lot better if you remind him that boyfriends come and go, but often times, friends are forever.

Will a guy be hurt or his ego hurt if do not go to lunch with him?

If you refuse a guy's invitation to have a dinner with him, it will surely hurt his feelings, but that doesn't mean you should feel obligated to have dinner with him. If you really want to, perhaps it would be wise for you to pick the restaurant, nothing too romantic, or perhaps invite mutual friends to join you, so it feels less like a date, all the while maintaining he is in your friendzone, and this is not a romantic date.

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How can I tell him; I don't want to date him in a nice way?

I've hung out with this guy for two days. He happened to be in town, near my work and asked me to go out for a bit, then called me and said that he was already there at my work. We got lunch, didn't talk about really anything. Later on, he calls me, I ignored his phone call then he continued to text and call me through out the WHOLE night. He texts me in the morning, a picture of him while he's working. I have been ignoring his texts and phone calls, it's only been two days and I feel as if he is pressuring me to do something I don't want to do. How can I tell him that I don't want to date him, without hurting his feelings so bad? Thanks. I have tried: Ignoring his phone calls / texts. I think it was caused by: We both are something in common (hair stylists)

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Has he made any romantic/sexual advances? Perhaps he just wants to be friends with you and is coming on too strong because he is lonely. Either way the best thing you can do is be honest and upfront with him. You do not have to outright say I do not want to date you. Instead send him a text message about how you look forward to getting to know him more as a friend.

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How do I imply that I don't like this guy I'm talking to?

This guy is super creepy and clingy and I am getting creeped out by him and I don't know how to tell him I'm not interested anymore... but he keeps asking me out and I really feel uncomfortable and he's super obsessed with me help, please! SOS

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Be upfront and firm that you do not want to date him. He obviously is not getting the hint that you are not interested. Hopefully, he gets the message and backs off. If he does not you can notify the police if he is following you and beginning to stalk you because of his obsession.

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How do I slow things down with a guy who has very firmly expressed interest for me?

I met my friend at a day camp I went to, and he's a really great guy. But I'm too young and he's too young and I'm not interested in diving into a relationship, even when I think that I could easily fall into that sort of friendship with him. But he isn't of my faith and that's a red flag.

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Just tell him that you are not ready to be in a relationship yet. You both are young and he is a great guy so he should understand. You do not even have to say it outright. Just steer a conversation towards dating and how you want to wait until after you finish your education for example. This will let him down gently.

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How do I tell him I'm not interested in dating without making everything awkward?

There is this guy and I'd say we are pretty good friends but lately I think (and all my friends think) he might like me. He's started asking me to go do stuff with him alone or telling me I looked really pretty. The thing is I want to date him, just not at the point in my life I'm at right now which is not fair at all to him. I don't know how to bring up the topic without making everything awkward and ruining our friendship completely. I do not even know if he likes me for sure. It's really beginning to bother me because I don't want to be leading him on without knowing it.

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Since there is mutual attraction, wait for him to make the formal move. He may actually understand where you are in your life and is waiting for the right moment. For now casually hanging out alone is fine and if he does say he wants to date you, politely suggest that casually dating is all you can handle right now. If he is really interested in you, he will wait.

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Please explain your problem in full detail, My male best-friend has a crush on me but he's like my brother and he kissed my best friend, who likes him, what do I do?

Please explain your problem in full detail, my male best-friend has a crush on me but he's like my brother and he kissed my best friend, who likes him, what do I do?

This is easy. Blame it on the "friend" code of not dating your friend's love interests. Not only will this let him off easily but also you will retain your friendship with your best friend. He can have a crush on you as long as he knows that there will never be any love connection.

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I barely know this guy but I really like but he is one year older than me how to make him like me?

He barely likes me but we have so much in common like sports and he always picks me first for teams. I have tried: Nothing. I think it was caused by: I don't know

You can't make someone like you. It sounds like he is aware of your ability to play sports and is interested in interacting with you. Find reasons to talk with him. Maybe notice if he always wears a certain team's logo on his hats or clothes. Then bring them up when he is around to see if he responds. Make a Guy Notice You Without Being Pushy is a VisiHow article with information on how to get this guy to notice you.

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If you have problems with any of the steps in this article, please post in the comments section below.

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Categories : Relationships

Recent edits by: Maria, Nuance, TaliaBlanco

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