Find Out if Someone Has a Kid

Edited by Kathy McGraw

You've been going out with this person you met online, and things are going well: you really like them, and you enjoy your time together, but you think that they might have a child. As much as you like them, there is no room in your life as it stands for children. How do you go about ferreting out this information?

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Your husband has been acting strange lately. He doesn't let you look at his Facebook account anymore, and he's working more overtime than usual for this time of year. You suspect that he might be unfaithful, and even worse, that he fathered a child with the other woman. Where do you begin your search?

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Whether the first or the second hypothetical situation applies to you, this article will give you some strategies for getting the answers you need.

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Why You Might Be Curious to Know

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Whether you've started dating someone new and are wondering if they have a child, or you're wondering if your husband has a child from another relationship, there are a number of reasons why you might be curious. Here are a few of them.

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  1. 1
    You don't want children or to have any more children
    .
    If you are someone who doesn't want children, or perhaps you have children of your own from a prior relationship and don't want to deal with more, one of the first things you'll want to find out from a prospective partner is whether or not they have any kids themselves.
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  2. 2
    You don't want to deal with the baggage that comes with children from a prior relationship
    .
    It's a fact that when a person has children with someone else, they are inextricably bound together for the rest of their lives. While they may no longer be in a relationship together, they by necessity have to interact with the other parent, and this can introduce an element of tension in a new relationship.
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  3. 3
    You don't want to be a step-parent
    .
    Some children adjust well into blended families, but others do not, and if your significant other's children fall into the latter category, they can make life quite difficult for you.
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  4. 4
    You suspect your partner has fathered a child with another woman
    .
    Cheating happens, and children can result from such relations. If the cheater wants to hide the affair, he will certainly never reveal the presence of the child that resulted from it.
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13 Ways to Find Out if Someone Has a Kid

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The direct approach is always the preferable way to find out information from someone else, but if you believe that they are lying to you or trying to hide something, then other less palatable methods may be required. Here are some ways to find out if your date or your mate has a child they haven't told you about.

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  1. 1
    Ask them
    .
    Sometimes, the direct approach is the best. Try not to be accusatory or have your question come off like an interrogation, as that will shut the conversation down before it even begins. Instead, be gentle and couch your question in terms of a tidbit of similar information about yourself. For instance, you can say something like "I don't have any children of my own, just nieces and nephews. How about you?"
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  2. 2
    Check their social media feeds
    .
    People love to share photos of their families and information about them over social media, so go through the other person's feeds and check for anything related to children. It could be anything from a random photograph of a child, or them with a child, to a comment mentioning children. Be aware, however, that they could be sharing photos of their friends' children or of their siblings' children.
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  3. 3
    Ask mutual friends
    .
    You'll need to be cautious and ask in an indirect way. Say something like "Where do x's kids go to school?" If you put your question in context with something else, it won't seem like you're fishing for information.
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  4. 4
    Look at the saved pictures on their phone
    .
    People will often have pictures of their children on their phones. Offer them your phone and tell them that they can look at all your pictures if you can look at all of theirs. If they balk at this, they are hiding something; it may be that they have pictures of their children or something else that they don't want you to see. Either way, it's a red flag.
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  5. 5
    Check their car for signs of kids
    .
    Even if they are the non-custodial parent, their car may show evidence of children. For instance, a car seat would be a huge indication that the person has a child, but other signs include toys left behind, spare diapers, children's jackets, or other children's items.
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  6. 6
    Check their house for signs of kids
    .
    A spare bedroom that's decorated for a child is one indication, but as with the car, check for other items that children leave behind or that are necessary to care for a young child, such as toys, children's clothing, a changing table, boxes of diapers, sippy cups, etc.
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  7. 7
    Check their divorce degree at the local courthouse
    .
    If you know that they are divorced, you can check the court records at your local courthouse for their divorce decree. On it, it will list any minor children they had during the marriage. You can also search for a child support order or custodial finding, which may be public records.
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  8. 8
    Check the newspaper archives for birth announcements
    .
    Check your local library for newspaper archives containing birth announcements in their name. Unfortunately, if they've changed their name recently, you won't be able to find anything this way. Also, if they have a common name, there might be too many listings, or the birth announcement may not belong to them.
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  9. 9
    Use people finder websites
    .
    Peoplefinder websites may include information about relatives of the person, including children. Be aware that some of these websites charge a fee to use their services. Some people finder websites to try include:  
    1. PeopleFinders.com
    2. ZabaSearch.com
    3. PeopleFinder.com
    4. InstantPeopleFinder.com
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  10. 10
    Google their name
    .
    Use keywords such as "birth mother" or "birth father."
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  11. 11
    Gift them with a certificate for a DNA check with a heritage service, such as Ancestry.com
    .
    Since heritage services check for other people with matching DNA, it can turn up relatives, including children, that the person (if it's a male) doesn't even know about.
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  12. 12
    Ask a friend to follow them
    .
    It should be a friend with whom they are not familiar. Have your friend follow them around for a few days. Even if they are not the custodial parent, at some point they will pick up their child or children for a visit, if they have any.
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  13. 13
    Hire a private investigator
    .
    If you can't find any information on your own and you still suspect that they might have children, you can hire a private investigator to look into the matter. Of course, private investigators can cost a lot of money, so be very sure you want to continue the search.
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If you have problems with any of the steps in this article, please ask a question for more help, or post in the comments section below.

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