Detect a gold digger
Edited by Ephraim, Charmed, Lynn, Innocent Yogo and 17 others
A gold digger is someone who is more interested in a relationship with your money than a relationship with you. It is risky to be in a relationship with a gold digger because you are not only putting your wealth in jeopardy, but you are setting yourself up for heartache, betrayal and deception. The more trusting of people you are, the more difficult it will be for you to realize you are in a relationship with a gold digger.
The smart thing is to educate yourself to recognize signs and indicators early on in your relationship that you might be involved with a gold digger. Then you can get the heck out of the relationship, and avoid all the negative things these people invariably bring into your life.
- 1 How to Know if You're Dating a Gold Digger
- 2 Some Methods for Dealing with a Gold Digger
- 3 How Do You Lead a Gold Digger Toward Change?
- 4 Questions and Answers
- 4.1 Gold digger gets upset when you don't give him money?
- 4.2 What is a narcissistic gold digger?
- 4.3 How to know if you're girlfriend is looking for financial stability vs. just being a gold digger?
- 4.4 When a man starts asking for money, is he a gold digger?
- 4.5 Ways to know if a man is a gold digger or its true love?
- 4.6 What do you do when you have fallen in love with a gold digger?
- 4.7 A friend of mine revealed she has been pursuing a man who is 35 years older than her and he also has a girlfriend . Is my friend a gold digger?
- 4.8 Advise for my brother regarding "abused" stranger with kids?
- 5 Comments
How to Know if You're Dating a Gold Digger
- 1When someone is financially motivated and puts a lot of importance on money, he/she is not necessarily a gold digger. He/she may just be business-minded. However, it's a totally different story if your partner expects you to support them financially, and threatens to leave you if you don't.If you understand what kind of person a gold digger is, and what motivates him/her, you won't assume wrongly that someone is, and you will know when you are involved with one.Advertisement
- 2Is money somewhat important to them, or is it all they think about, talk about, aspire to? Money is essential to live day to day, but it should not be deemed the source of all happiness - the everything. Money can't buy you love. Is your partner realistic with his or her expenditures? Do they live within their means? One red flag you are involved with a gold digger is their flagrant disregard for money, using it to define themselves, spending outrageously; spending your money outrageously. They do this because they believe they've already 'snared' you, and can always bleed you for more.Consider the lifestyle of your partner.Advertisement
- 3Hard times are normal. There comes a time when most of us suffer financial difficulties. If your partner happens to be in this situation and you are helping them out - fine. If, however, instead of paying bills, and taking care of business they are dining at expensive restaurants and indulging themselves with luxury items, you are probably involved with a gold digger, or at the very least, someone with little regard for you, and very poor financial judgement.What do they need the money for?
- 4Gold diggers normally have a bloated, arrogant opinion of themselves. They feel they deserve to be rewarded, financially, for their outstanding qualities, or good looks, believing they are privileged and better than everyone else.How does your partner perceive him/herself?
- 5Gold diggers tend to put too much emphasis on material things. They like to acquire and purchase things that are expensive, luxurious and beautiful, but much better to have someone else buy these things for them.Assess his/her overall perception of material things.
- 6A gold digger will explore details about your finances that make you feel uncomfortable. They ask you personal questions partners usually don't ask, especially early on in your relationship. He/She is too curious about your finances, and may even hint as to whether or not you are able to provide for him/her.Consider the kind of questions he/she asks you.
- 7It is normal for couples to share expenses. Perhaps, at the beginning, the man will pay for dates, but this should soon balance out. If you notice your partner is resistant to pay their share or has excuses as to why he/she cannot pay; they forgot their wallet, they are waiting for a cheque, someone owes them money, etc., it's definitely a sign that you are in a relationship with a gold digger.Observe how he/she shares expenses when going out on dates.
Some Methods for Dealing with a Gold Digger
You are already in a relationship and you've realized your partner is a gold digger! All he/she wants is to talk about money, get your money and spend your money. Your significant other comes begging for financial help, claiming to have problems, and while they are concerned with their own financial status, they don't seem too concerned about the effect they have on yours. The moment you are unable to support them, they become angry, This person will not reciprocate. They will not help you out, or see to your needs. They expect everything, give nothing. How can you deal with this kind of person? The following are some helpful ways to cope with the gold digger in your relationship:
- 1Set limitations on how much you are willing to help your partner out financially. If you are already living together, discuss and agree on who should pay for what bills.Set your financial boundaries.Advertisement
- 2If you notice your partner requires more and more financial assistance from you, discuss the issue and find a solution.Communicate your concerns to your partner.
- 3Perhaps another part-time job or occasional work. You will know if you're with gold digger, because he/she will not take these suggestions well. If all the excuses, blaming you, and diversion tactics fail to bring about the gold digger's desired results, there is a good chance he/she will leave you. You are not an ATM machine. You work hard for your money. If the relationship is based upon you providing for your partner, and they do walk away from you, and good riddance!Suggest to your partner alternative ways of earning money.
- 4If you believe your partner is redeemable, you can advise him/her to take a financial course to help manage their finances effectively. Although this would help someone who does not rely on other people to support them financially, a gold digger will resist this idea, and again they may exit, stage left.Teach him/her how to manage their finances.
- 5Instead of just giving them more and more money, you can help them by assisting in working out a solid financial plan.Motivate your partner to set financial goals and devise a concrete plan to achieve them.
- 6If you feel that you are already being abused, and you've already expressed your concerns and discussed the issues, if you've developed solutions, but the gold digger remains unchanged - walk away. Move on. Exit stage left before they do. This was never a healthy relationship.End the relationship.
How Do You Lead a Gold Digger Toward Change?
What if you know you are in a relationship with a gold digger, yet you love him/her so much you will try almost anything to keep him/her? How do you go about it? Is there actually a way to get them to change? Here are some ways:
- 1Nothing will work if these two things are not evident.First, they must admit they have a problem, and want to change.Advertisement
- 2Peer pressure and bad influences will encourage a gold digger. Introduce him/her to better people, to your friends, but remember, you will be responsible for introducing this person into their worlds.Encourage him/her to stay away from friends who are gold diggers.
- 3Counseling may help with this behavior, but getting them there - that's the trick.Consult professionals and urge him/her to undergo psychological therapy.
- 4There are so many stories on this theme, especially reality TV. Media often normalizes gold digging behavior, and it is very far from normal, to leech money from anyone.Keep him/her away from movies or books that encourage gold digging habits.
- 5If he/she grows accustomed to getting from you, whatever they want, it becomes a habit - for both of you. He/she needs to learn that money is something you work hard for, and that should be respected. You should be respected.Do not tolerate his/her demands.
- 6Encourage him/her to develop a stronger relationship with God and learn, through inspiration, that material things are the things in this world that will make anyone happy.Let him/her heal spiritually.Advertisement
Questions and Answers
Gold digger gets upset when you don't give him money?
( to have financial stability)
Gold diggers will become upset when you don't give them money. Money, prestige, fame - any kind of financial support; these are the things a gold digger wants from you. They can be moody, losing their temper for reasons that evade you. They might accuse you of not loving them when you refuse to give them more money. A gold diggers' only true love is money. They believe they deserve to be treated well, and to have gifts and attention lavished upon them. It's like an addiction, and when someone does this for them, it only serves to enable their habit. In reality, without money, there would be no relationship.
Just because a gold digger is financially secure, doesn't mean they won't expect money from you. Perhaps this is how they got all the money in the first place.
See more questions like this: Are all gold diggers evil
See more questions like this: Have I married a gold digger and should I dump her
What is a narcissistic gold digger?
Narcissistic gold diggers are people who feed on others' fortunes in order to satisfy their personal ego and increase their sense of value. They don't understand how to love, or how to achieve a good relationship, because their first love is themselves, then money. Other people are way down the list. They don't know how to distinguish what is right and what is wrong. They do whatever they want to do to get money. They don't know how to appreciate the little things in life, if they are not attached to money. This behavior may be considered a mental disorder. Some people who use other people, might fall under the category of sociopath. Whether they are a narcissist or a sociopath - and as wrong as it is, their intellect, good looks and charm can get them quite far, leaving a slew of damaged people in their wake.
Narcissism is defined as an inflated sense, of self value. Undue importance is placed on their own selves; the misguided belief that they are uniquely special, smarter, better looking, and more worthy than everyone else. Narcissism is a perfect breeding ground for a gold digger. Perhaps not all gold diggers are narcissists, but more often than not they are.
Narcissistic gold diggers can be characterized by:
- Feeding their ego by buying expensive things, or more to the point, having you buy them expensive things.
- Indifference to love, care, commitment and loyalty.
- Displaying feelings of superiority over other people, physically and intellectually (even with their own partners)
- Shallow Outlook on life; they place highest value on fame, beauty, money and self esteem
- Lack of guilt for anything wrong that they do, as long as they benefit
- Selfishness - they feel justified with their actions, as they think they deserve such attention and money.
- They view themselves as always being right.
- They view themselves as privileged, expecting other people to spend time and money on them.
- They seek and feed on partners who will make them look important, special, powerful and attractive.
- They use people for their own benefit.
- The lie, and use people.
- They tend to exaggerate their achievements.
- They have little or no empathy.
This type of Gold Digger is one who will take money from a person or use them in order to only better themselves in terms of physical appearance, clothing or their image. They are never satisfied causing them to purchase or make more changes to their appearance.
How to know if you're girlfriend is looking for financial stability vs. just being a gold digger?
A desire for financial stability is not bad; its normal. Everyone wants to be able to take care of themselves financially and live a comfortable life. When this becomes something that is not normal, is when the methodology to achieve this is at the expense of others. It is never a good thing to gain financial stability by taking advantage of another person or abusing another person's generosity.
To know if your girlfriend is simply looking for financial stability and not being a gold digger; look for these things:
- She is clear on what her personal financial objectives are and based upon those objectives, she has a clear action plan in place as to how she will make it happen. This action plan should include activities that she intends to accomplish, and are not dependent on other people. When you see her implement these objectives, your girlfriend is actually a driven, independent, goal-oriented, and hardworking woman and not a gold-digger.
- She takes risks, but only those which are calculated. She recognizes that mistakes and problems are inevitable on the path to financial stability. In spite of this, however, she does not take unnecessary risks that could place her in financial jeopardy. She only works within reasonable boundaries. She does not rely on others, she works on her own problems and fixes her own mistakes.
- She knows how to prioritize expenses. She does not spend on things that are unnecessary. She is practical and has logical reasons for things she purchases. If she does splurge from time to time, it is her prerogative. Perhaps it's a reward for her achievements and successes. She knows how to motivate herself.
- She works hard no matter what. She recognizes the fact that financial stability does not come easily and that considerable time and effort on her part is required. She does not believe in and get attracted to easy money.
- When problems do arise, she does problem-solving. She may ask for your advice, but she's all about handling things on her own. She takes full responsibility for her financial problems.
- She is generous. She doesn't expect you to pay, nor will she pay for everything. She will have found a blissful balance where no one is taking advantage, financially, of the other person, and no one feels used.
On the other hand, there are things that are red flags, indicators you have yourself a gold digger, things you should watch for:
- She has very ambitious financial objectives, but without a clear action plan. She wants a lot of things, but hasn't developed a feasible plan for getting them, that doesn't include other people helping her. She keeps other people in the loop, and obliges them to participate.
- She is not careful when making financial decisions. She does not seem to be scared of making mistakes, because she knows if it all goes wrong, someone else will bail her out. As soon as problems arise, she automatically runs to others for help, without even trying to resolve the issues on her own.
- She does not organize her expenses accordingly. She spends based on wants alone, not needs, and does not consider practicality.
- She does not exert much effort to achieve her financial objectives. She does not even strive to learn new things or gain more knowledge in order to be able to do more things to achieve financial growth. She is attracted to easy money and believes it is another person's responsibility to keep her happy with money.
- For her, problem solving is always through other people. She immediately delegates any problem to someone else.
She will be focused on the well-being of your relationship, more in terms of money, prestige, and how you are viewed than love, compassion and consideration. If she is a gold digger, she won't care about the level of your stability, as long as she gets money or is able to receive money from you whenever she asks.
When a man starts asking for money, is he a gold digger?
It all depends on the frequency of his asking. If he has only asked once, for an urgent cause, that is quite reasonable. It could be that he has no other resort but to borrow money from you, such as in the case of a family emergency. When he asks frequently, gives reasons that are unbelievable, and never attempts to pay you back, it's high time you give it a second thought. You don't want all of your hard-earned money going to a gold digger who might only use your money to buy stuff he does not need for himself, or worse, another lady.
No, if he needs money there should be no problem with him asking you for money to take care of certain things but if he builds up a habit of asking you then yes he can be labeled as a Gold Digger. Understand that lending money should be something rare or only when needed, not routinely.
Ways to know if a man is a gold digger or its true love?
True love will not involve money being asked for on the regular basis. If he asks you for money or other things of value on a regular basis, he is probably a gold digger. Next time he asks for money, don't give it to him. If he lashes out, gets angry, berates you - he's a gold digger. If he's understanding, almost embarrassed for asking, well, it may not be true love, but it is something that could be. Without being too cynical, be warned that some people can fake all this, thinking you might be testing them. The thing is, if you have to do all these tests and question so many things, perhaps it would be really smart to review this relationship.
What do you do when you have fallen in love with a gold digger?
If you have fallen in love with a gold digger you will have two options for this situation.
Leave him/her ASAP. You'll have a lot more money and a lot less stress in your life. Also by leaving her you have the opportunity to have a healthy relationship, that's based on love and not money.
You can stay with him/her knowing that the only reason she wants to be with you is because you have money, and risk him/her leaving you when the money runs out, or he/she finds someone with more than you. You'll be left with low self-esteem, a depleted bank account and a very good chance it will take you years to trust another.
You are in love. Sad as it is, you need to face the fact you are in love with someone who's first love is money, not you. Resist feeling stupid. It's not your fault that someone deceived you. Talk to a friend. Start a new activity. The farther you get from this person, the better you will feel.
A friend of mine revealed she has been pursuing a man who is 35 years older than her and he also has a girlfriend . Is my friend a gold digger?
She is 20 and has been with many guys, she was with two guys earlier this year and recently told me about his man. He is a professor and is prestigious (he's 55). She exclaimed that he went to ivy league colleges. While realistically I reminded her that her expectations are a bit far-fetched and immoral to pursue a man in a relationship she persisted. She made intimate advancements towards him and is asking him to chose between her and his girlfriend. She only met him recently. Her actions made me re-evaluate our friendship and I chose not to associate with a person with immoral values. Is she a gold-digger?
A gold-digger is someone who goes into a relationship with a man or woman solely for financial gain. If she makes excessive or untoward advancements of manipulating this guy to give her what she wants (shopping, travel, or cash) then she could be a gold-digger. However, if she has preference for older men and not really because of money then that could be an entirely different story. At her young age of 20, her hormones could be really acting up and erratic which makes her jump from one relationship to another in a flick of a finger. As a friend, you are doing a good job by giving her sound advice on her decisions. It is best that you continue to guide her especially because she seems to be confused and immature in handling romantic relationships. You sound like a mature and grounded individual. While it is true that it could hurt your reputation to be associated with someone who has immorality issues, you alone can decide whether you can continue to encourage her to change her ways or to move on from your friendship because it has become way destructive for both of you and other people. Some people need to learn the hard and painful way to realize the thin line that separates right from wrong.
Advise for my brother regarding "abused" stranger with kids?
Well, my brother and best friend have met a women, was introduced to her by a customer of his, he runs a large store. Seems she's actually already in a relationship which she claims she got involved in primarily because the guy had a good job, but then he lost the job and consequently they soon lost their place to live and now her boyfriend, her and her 2 kids from 2 others relationships are living at the boyfriend father's house. So she claims that he has become abusive and needs a safe place for her and her kids and she heard that he has a big house and is single and they could come to live with him. Mind you, she has nothing, I mean 2 kids and the clothes they own, nothing. No job, no car, no (supposedly) child support, nothing. I am telling him to back away from this girl, but he says you are always seeing the bad in everything, what advise can I give other than to be careful?
Check to see if there is a local abuse shelter that this woman can reside with her children in until she gets on her feet. She may be desperate but her character is definitely in question. She barely knows your brother and is asking to move not just herself, but her two young children into his home. The fact that she mentioned his marital status says that she is interested in inserting herself into a relationship with him. Advise your brother to get a background check on this woman. He should inform this woman that he needs the background check for his home insurance and if she refuses to provide information, she has ulterior motives.
Categories : Relationships
Recent edits by: Jay, Nuance, Dougie