Deal with your boyfriends female friend

Edited by Ephraim, Lynn, Anonymous, Ian Gabriel T. Tolledo and 12 others

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Are you having a hard time dealing with your boyfriend's female friends? It's common to find that your boyfriend had many female friends (especially if he's good-looking), even before you met him. There will be days when he will be with his female friends, which may cause you a pang of jealousy and emotional pain. These steps will help eliminate the problem that a female friend may be causing in your relationship.

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Open the Line of Communication

  1. 1
    Let your boyfriend know how you feel about the relationship he has with his female friend, and how it's affecting you in the relationship.
    It's always better to be open about your feelings, rather than holding them inside. Sooner or later these feelings will erupt, causing much more trouble. Give him the opportunity to understand there is a problem, at least for you, so that he can be part of the solution. Communication is really crucial to solving this issue.
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  2. 2
    Explain to him you have a problem with his female friends.
    Letting him know there is a problem is the first step. Then you need to explain why you have a problem, to make sure he understands where you're coming from. Make sure you do have a reason beyond being jealous. If you simply tell him, "I don't like her," he may not take you seriously.
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  3. 3
    Keep yourself together after you have explained everything to him about the situation.
    Refrain from having a negative attitude every time he mentions the girl or sees her in person. By continuing to complain every time he mentions her, you will push him to secrecy, just to avoid your judgment. This will naturally lead to you believe he is cheating, as you'll notice his changed behavior. In reality, he may just be visiting or talking to his female friend. Make sure he feels comfortable talking about his female friend in the open, rather than hiding his relationship with her to appease you.
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  4. 4
    Make the decision to either accompany him or not when he is socializing with his female friend.
    By not going, you don't have to be around the other woman. If you do go with him, you will need to be on your best behavior because you decided to tag along. If you are negative with her, you'll put your boyfriend in the middle. Perhaps try to discover what he likes about her, and instead of viewing her as an enemy, you might find a new friend.
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  5. 5
    Continue repeating these steps until your boyfriend understands how you feel about his female companions, which will hopefully bring the two of you together and help you come to a truce.
    Your goal should not be to get rid of his female friends, but to reduce the amount of time he spends with them.
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Reasons Why Girls Don't Feel Comfortable With Their Boyfriend's Female Friends

  • Insecurity. Yes, this is a common among girls, especially when the female friend or friends are attractive. Women have to trust that other women won't hit on their boyfriends. Women friends have an intimacy and history she may not have with her boyfriend, which again, causes insecurity. She's often afraid he'll fall for her.
  • Instincts. As a girl, you know if your boyfriend's female friend likes him. She may not directly say it, but her actions will betray her, especially when she intentionally shows it to you. This is the case when the friend views you as a threat.
  • He likes her. Some guys do indeed fall for their female friends before or during their current relationship. Even if he tells you that they have known each other all their lives, you will know by his actions if he's interested in her more than a friend.
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Things Girlfriends Shouldn't Do When They Are Jealous of Their Boyfriend's Female Friends

  • Do not make him choose. This is something that girlfriends shouldn't do. Remember they were already friends, even before you came along. While asking your boyfriend to avoid his female friend(s) is a no-no, you can maybe ask him to cut down the time he spends with them.
  • No snooping. When guys feel you do not trust them, it will make them angry. DO not grab their phones when they are exchanging SMS with their female friends or eavesdrop when they talk on the phone. Do not act like the obsessed girlfriend by stalking his social networks like Facebook. Remember that you may be a couple, but you both have the right to your own privacy. Treat his privacy with respect, as you would like him to respect yours.
  • No hostile confrontation of his friends. Let him deal with his friends regarding the issue. If you are planning to confront the girl and tell her to stay away, you are only putting your own relationship in jeopardy. How can a man love a woman who dislikes his friends? If the situation is bothering you, talk to your boyfriend and not his friends. Be very honest, but avoid undue drama.

Reasons Why Guys Spend Time With Their Female Friends Despite Being in a Relationship

  • Depth of the Friendship. Some people grow up together and the friendship remains strong until they get old. It is like an old habit that you just can't break. If you are intending to ask your boyfriend to stay away from a female friend he has known all his life, you will likely have little success.
  • Shares Common Interests. Guys love to hang out with girls who share the same interests. If he and his female friends are into the same activities, expect them to get along well. If you want to get closer to him and his friends, learn what he enjoys and join him. That way, the next time, he won't be looking any woman's company but yours.
  • Permanent Feelings. Maybe your boyfriend has always loved his friend as a friend, and that's all they can ever be. If you talk to him about your fears, and let him talk to you about his relationship, there's a very good chance you can resolve the issues, and create a stronger relationship between the two of you. If he tells you he doesn't have romantic feelings for her, don't argue. The truth is, if he really wanted to be with her, he probably wouldn't have started a relationship with you.

Nobody wants to share her guy with another girl. You can fight for your guy, but keep it classy.

Questions and Answers

How to cope dealing with boyfriend's female friend?

Trust will be the biggest key when dealing with his female friend. If you give off a sense of trust and understanding then the possibility of everything going smoothly between you, him and his female friend is good. Even if he does something wrong with her, your worst fear, at least you behaved with grace and class �" and did nothing wrong. You can then walk away from the relationship with your head held high.

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See more questions like this: Hi Mr. Amir, I need some advice on dealing with my boyfriend's female friends

My partner has this woman friend for 10 years, they would go to bike weekends together, now he told her, he is with me, they cannot go away together, but this weekend they have.

What can l do as he does not know l know and he did not tell me?

He did tell her that he is with you and that they could no longer go on trips together. The fact that he went on a trip afterwards and did not tell you is rather sneaky and you have reason to be concerned. Do not jump to any conclusions before you speak to him and make him aware that you know about his trip with her. Do not come off as jealous but instead appear concerned that he felt that he had to hide the trip from you. The explanation may be something as simple as the trip was planned and paid for before you came into the picture however he should have informed you of this trip out of respect.

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Hi, female friend has a boyfriend that beats her up, she always calls my boyfriend to help. He then put her on his phone plan, (before we were dating) because she did not have a phone. Now since we are dating, she does not pay her share and promised the last 2 weekends to come down and pay. He is short of money, so our plans change, or he is waiting for her and she does not show up. He is trying to resolve by when she does come to pay, he said he is taking her down to the phone place to get her off his plan. She does not know this. We had plans again this weekend, but he has to wait for her. I told him today that I am done with having other people affecting our relationship, and our plans and I'm not going to put up with it. I know he thinks I am overreacting?

First of all, am I over reacting? and I know he truly loves me, and I know he is trying, will he do the right thing? or think I am being too bossy?

You are not overreacting. This friend is using your boyfriend and further, is not respecting him or your time together as she keeps flaking on her plans, and you end up changing your plans. He needs to take her off his phone plan. While it is a nice gesture, she is not showing any responsibility on paying him back and his phone plan is part of his overall credit score. At least he has said he plans on doing this.

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My boyfriend has a friend that is a girl he asked me if he could go to her house on Christmas night for dinner with her family but she does not want me there what to do?

My boyfriend has a friend that is a girl and she asked him to dinner Christmas night with her family but she doesn't want me there what should I do. I have tried: I said it hurts me but he had to make the choice. I think it was caused by: I don't know

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That is strange, especially if he has said he is in a serious relationship with you. This friend has something up her sleeve by refusing you on attending the dinner. Your boyfriend needs to understand that on holidays and other events you both are now a team and both go or no one goes. Especially if it is Christmas! You should confront that friend and ask why you are not invited because it was not just an over sight, she said you could not attend.

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I am with my boyfriend on and off for 6 years. recently when things start to get better , he brings out his female friends out of nowhere and starts hanging out with them when I am not around?

Recently he took one of the female friends to a gynecologist appointment for a pep and he told me that she just called few hrs ago to go with him because her father is not well. She is the same chick he is constantly talking all the time since I moved back with him few months ago. I am very upset because why he is taking her as he told me he never talks to her because she is crazy. I am thinking to end things with him because he doesn't want to see his mistake and thinks I am jealous and I should be OK with this. I am not OK because I haven't met this chick and now this is going too far. Please help me what should I do?

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You have warning bells going off in your head and rightfully so. You have not met this person and he has not offered for you to meet her. Instead, he claims he is not contacting her then turns around and takes her to a medical appointment. Perhaps there is nothing going on and you have nothing to worry about but you should insist on meeting this person since he has so much contact with her.

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Since she needs his support, offer politely to assist. If you are refused by your boyfriend then it is something to be worried about. Do not insist on meeting her but put the idea in his mind and then wait a few weeks for him to invite to you meet her. If he still keeps hiding her then it is probably time to walk away.

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My boyfriend's best friend is his ex-girlfriend. I know she has ulterior motives because of her personality. How do I deal with this?

This girl is extremely jealous of other females my boyfriend associates with, and she absolutely despises me and will only hang out with him if it is only the two of them. It upsets me when my boyfriend hangs out with her, especially since they have romantic history. I find it really hard to trust either of them together. I have less trust for her than him, but I've told him several times that it upsets me when he hangs out with her and he has said "I'm not getting rid of her." What can I do to deal with this?

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You never want to ask a person that you are in a relationship with to pick a side of friend or you. This creates problems and resentment. Since he is refusing to acknowledge that there might be something untoward in her friendship, it is time for you to walk away. Tell him politely that you are not willing to be the third person in their friendship/relationship and deserve to be the number one girl in a guy's life. This position is currently being taken by his ex-girlfriend so there is no option other than to walk away. It will save you heartache in the end. He is not willing to tell his ex-girlfriend to work on accepting you nor is he stating that you all should hang out together. He definitely has a deep emotional connection with his ex-girlfriend so walk away now before you become more emotionally invested in the relationship.

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I keep checking her Facebook profile even I am not jealous with her, Why?

Earlier I suspected that my boyfriend is cheating on me with this girl which he found in Twitter. She seemed more beautiful and smarter than me even more nice and good at heart. My boyfriend used to share all his updates with this girl and they seem like they are very close friend. They use to flirt and joke around and met couple of times. (which I did not know at the time but later he told me that they met and this girl gave her books as presents). This girl used to ask help with my boyfriend on her study and my boyfriend do it happily. When I knew about this I felt obsessed. I did not like the way he shares his stuffs with her and appear so happy while he mentions those things later to me. I don't know I was jealous or not but I was uncomfortable with this situation. But I could not mention my feeling with any of them because this girl behaved with me so nicely, became friend with me on Facebook as well and respected me as her elder sister. But I kept stalking on her again and again like on a hour basis. :( Later I found that this girl was in relationship with another guy for 7 years. . . Right now I am assured that they were not cheating me. They were really good friend. But I ruined their relationship by saying my boyfriend that I don't like their way of flirting around. Everything is okay now. They stopped seeing each other now. Only talk in Facebook rarely. But still I stalk her on Facebook and Instagram. I am not jealous at all now? but why can't I stop stalking her? what is my problem? help me please. I have tried: I talk with this girl on Facebook and tried to be nice with her. I felt she is just casually talking with me not interested as she used to be while talking with my boyfriend. But when my boyfriend said that he won't be talking with her anymore because I am uncomfortable with this then only she came to talk with me . This time she seemed much interested and talked with me like I am very close to her. She mentioned that she is getting married soon with her in this chat.. I think it was caused by: I don't know at all. I am helpless

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Sounds like your suspicions initially were correct. She did not contact you often until they broke off seeing each other regularly. This most likely means that guilt was holding her back when you first met. It does not mean that they ever cheated with each other but something even subconsciously was keeping her from contacting you. There is nothing wrong with maintaining contact with her but you might have to just delete her off all your social media accounts since you are becoming preoccupied with her life on social media. There is nothing wrong with curiosity or creating a meaningful friendship with her but you do not want her social media posts to interfere with your emotional health. Instead, focus on your relationship with your boyfriend. He is dating you because he likes or loves you just the way you are. Stop comparing yourself to her and move on.

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Should I be worried about their friendship?

My boyfriend recently met this girl and her boyfriend out on a night out, I noticed he has been messaging her a lot and I told my boyfriend that it bothered me a little, then the following week he went out again both this time without me, I wasn't bothered as such, then he invited her and her boyfriend to come on a day trip with us on our only day off together, we had fun but I felt left out and a couple of time just went off alone, and she didn't really try to start a conversation so I did I mean there is no reason to dislike someone just because there is a girl who is my guys mate and I thought it would make it less weird that was fine, I noticed she wasn't very pleasant with her own boyfriend, the next day after my boyfriend finished work she asked him to meet up with her and her boyfriend my boyfriend had asked if I was coming after I had called saying I was meeting him from work we spent ages there and were there passed midnight considering my boyfriend had work at 8 in the morning, then the next 2 days she went in to his work he works in an arcade and there are a lot of them around I have spoken to my boyfriend again he thinks I'm paranoid and if she tries anything he will tell her to stop, but I can't help but feel uncomfortable. I have tried: Talking one on one with my boyfriend with the issues I have, but allowing him to have space. I think it was caused by: Maybe the amount of time they talk and how she keeps going in to his work and asking him to go out and I get left alone

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Perhaps they each click with their interests and personalities but you should insist that you only hang out as a couple and not individually. You are perfectly sane to have these feelings of jealousy and concern. This girl may not be showing her intentions yet her seeking out your boyfriend alone says that she is interested in him.

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Sometimes couples do not click right away when they hang out. It can be awkward especially if one person gets on with the other two and then the fourth person is left out. Perhaps you can keep trying to make a connection with her or even her boyfriend. You should also insist that your boyfriend stop where this "friendship" is heading. Sometimes we can be completely clueless when a person is hitting on us and flirting with us. It is possible your boyfriend is missing the signals but if you are concerned then he should back off communication with her. The good news is that your boyfriend is being honest about his communication with her and not trying to hide anything so I do not think that he has any other intentions with this girl but why invite temptation.

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Should I be worried, my boyfriend spends more time with his female co-worker?

My boyfriend has a female co-worker friend that he spends more time with than me. However he swears up and down nothing is going on and always invites me to go with him when meeting her for drinks. He also told me he would like for us to become friends because she is new in town and doesn't have too many friends. However what I don't like is she hardly talks to me when I'm around them and she doesn't engage in conversation with me. All her and my boyfriend do is drink. Since I'm not a big drinker like them, I feel like an outsider so I stopped joining. Another thing I don't like is that he pays for all her drinks and food and she has handed her drinks for him to finish like they are a couple and I'm the 3rd wheel. I've talked to him about it and he promised so many times there is nothing going on between them and he doesn't find her attractive. I recently blew up at him because he didn't leave me a note when he was meeting her for happy hour and didn't want to have dinner with me but got up to go meet her. Should I be concerned and have blew up at him. Please advise. Thank you.. I have tried: I've talked to him and he reassured me nothing is going on. I've asked him to let me know where he is going and not to leave me in the dark. He tells me where he is at, but doesn't tell me with whom. I think it was caused by: The cause is him not telling me where he is or leaving notes when I get home letting me know where he is at and with whom?

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