Deal with your boyfriends female friend
Edited by Ephraim, Lynn, Ian Gabriel T. Tolledo, Eng and 17 others
- 1 Introduction
- 2 Reasons Why Girls Don't Feel Comfortable With Their Boyfriend's Female Friends
- 3 Things Girlfriends Shouldn't Do When They Are Jealous of Their Boyfriend's Female Friends
- 4 Reasons Why Guys Spend Time With Their Female Friends Despite Being in a Relationship
- 5 Questions and Answers
- 5.1 My partner has this woman friend for 10 years, they would go biking weekends together, now he told her, he is with me, they cannot go away together, but this weekend they have.
- 5.2 Hi, a female friend has a boyfriend that beats her up, she always calls my boyfriend to help. He then put her on his phone plan, (before we were dating) because she did not have a phone. Now since we are dating, she does not pay her share and promised the last 2 weekends to come down and pay. He is short of money, so our plans change, or he is waiting for her and she does not show up. He is trying to resolve by when she does come to pay, he said he is taking her down to the phone place to get her off his plan. She does not know this. We had plans again this weekend, but he has to wait for her. I told him today that I am done with having other people affecting our relationship, and our plans and I'm not going to put up with it. I know he thinks I am overreacting?
- 5.3 My boyfriend has a friend that is a girl he asked me if he could go to her house on Christmas night for dinner with her family but she does not want me there what to do?
- 5.4 I am with my boyfriend on and off for 6 years. recently when things start to get better, he brings out his female friends out of nowhere and starts hanging out with them when I am not around?
- 5.5 My boyfriend's best friend is his ex-girlfriend. I know she has ulterior motives because of her personality. How do I deal with this?
- 5.6 I keep checking her Facebook profile even I am not jealous of her, Why?
- 5.7 Should I be worried about their friendship?
- 5.8 Should I be worried, my boyfriend spends more time with his female co-worker?
- 5.9 My boyfriend talks so nicely to other females and his face turns red. So today I asked him if other women turn him on?
- 5.10 I am getting Depressed by thinking a lot about a girl?
- 5.11 I don't know what to do, please could you help me out?
- 5.12 How do I tell my boyfriend that I don't want him talking to a girl at our school that he has classes with?
- 5.13 How do I get my boyfriend to understand? Am I losing him?
- 6 Comments
Are you having a hard time dealing with your boyfriend's female friends? It's common to find that your boyfriend had many female friends (especially if he's good-looking), even before you met him. There will be days when he will be with his female friends, which may cause you a pang of jealousy and emotional pain. These steps will help eliminate the problem that a female friend may be causing in your relationship.
Open the Line of Communication
- 1It's always better to be open about your feelings, rather than holding them inside. Sooner or later these feelings will erupt, causing much more trouble. Give him the opportunity to understand there is a problem, at least for you, so that he can be part of the solution. Communication is really crucial to solving this issue.Let your boyfriend know how you feel about the relationship he has with his female friend, and how it's affecting you in the relationship.Advertisement
- 2Letting him know there is a problem is the first step. Then you need to explain why you have a problem, to make sure he understands where you're coming from. Make sure you do have a reason beyond being jealous. If you simply tell him, "I don't like her," he may not take you seriously.Explain to him you have a problem with his female friends.Advertisement
- 3Refrain from having a negative attitude every time he mentions the girl or sees her in person. By continuing to complain every time he mentions her, you will push him to secrecy, just to avoid your judgment. This will naturally lead to you believe he is cheating, as you'll notice his changed behavior. In reality, he may just be visiting or talking to his female friend. Make sure he feels comfortable talking about his female friend in the open, rather than hiding his relationship with her to appease you.Keep yourself together after you have explained everything to him about the situation.
- 4By not going, you don't have to be around the other woman. If you do go with him, you will need to be on your best behavior because you decided to tag along. If you are negative with her, you'll put your boyfriend in the middle. Perhaps try to discover what he likes about her, and instead of viewing her as an enemy, you might find a new friend.Make the decision to either accompany him or not when he is socializing with his female friend.
- 5Your goal should not be to get rid of his female friends but to reduce the amount of time he spends with them.Continue repeating these steps until your boyfriend understands how you feel about his female companions, which will hopefully bring the two of you together and help you come to a truce.Advertisement
Reasons Why Girls Don't Feel Comfortable With Their Boyfriend's Female Friends
- Insecurity. Yes, this is a common among girls, especially when the female friend or friends are attractive. Women have to trust that other women won't hit on their boyfriends. Women friends have an intimacy and history she may not have with her boyfriend, which again, causes insecurity. She's often afraid he'll fall for her.
- Instincts. As a girl, you know if your boyfriend's female friend likes him. She may not directly say it, but her actions will betray her, especially when she intentionally shows it to you. This is the case when the friend views you as a threat.
- He likes her. Some guys do indeed fall for their female friends before or during their current relationship. Even if he tells you that they have known each other all their lives, you will know by his actions if he's interested in her more than a friend.
Things Girlfriends Shouldn't Do When They Are Jealous of Their Boyfriend's Female Friends
- Do not make him choose. This is something that girlfriends shouldn't do. Remember they were already friends, even before you came along. While asking your boyfriend to avoid his female friend(s) is a no-no, you can maybe ask him to cut down the time he spends with them.
- No snooping. When guys feel you do not trust them, it will make them angry. DO not grab their phones when they are exchanging SMS with their female friends or eavesdrop when they talk on the phone. Do not act like the obsessed girlfriend by stalking his social networks like Facebook. Remember that you may be a couple, but you both have the right to your own privacy. Treat his privacy with respect, as you would like him to respect yours.
- No hostile confrontation of his friends. Let him deal with his friends regarding the issue. If you are planning to confront the girl and tell her to stay away, you are only putting your own relationship in jeopardy. How can a man love a woman who dislikes his friends? If the situation is bothering you, talk to your boyfriend and not his friends. Be very honest, but avoid undue drama.
Reasons Why Guys Spend Time With Their Female Friends Despite Being in a Relationship
- Depth of the Friendship. Some people grow up together and the friendship remains strong until they get old. It is like an old habit that you just can't break. If you are intending to ask your boyfriend to stay away from a female friend he has known all his life, you will likely have little success.
- Shares Common Interests. Guys love to hang out with girls who share the same interests. If he and his female friends are into the same activities, expect them to get along well. If you want to get closer to him and his friends, learn what he enjoys and join him. That way, the next time, he won't be looking any woman's company but yours.
- Permanent Feelings. Maybe your boyfriend has always loved his friend as a friend, and that's all they can ever be. If you talk to him about your fears and let him talk to you about his relationship, there's a very good chance you can resolve the issues, and create a stronger relationship between the two of you. If he tells you he doesn't have romantic feelings for her, don't argue. The truth is, if he really wanted to be with her, he probably wouldn't have started a relationship with you.
Nobody wants to share her guy with another girl. You can fight for your guy, but keep it classy.
Questions and Answers
My partner has this woman friend for 10 years, they would go biking weekends together, now he told her, he is with me, they cannot go away together, but this weekend they have.
What can l do as he does not know l know and he did not tell me?
He did tell her that he is with you and that they could no longer go on trips together. The fact that he went on a trip afterward and did not tell you is rather sneaky and you have reason to be concerned. Do not jump to any conclusions before you speak to him and make him aware that you know about his trip with her. Do not come off as jealous but instead appear concerned that he felt that he had to hide the trip from you. The explanation may be something as simple as the trip was planned and paid for before you came into the picture however he should have informed you of this trip out of respect.
First of all, am I over reacting? and I know he truly loves me, and I know he is trying, will he do the right thing? or think I am being too bossy?
You are not overreacting. This friend is using your boyfriend and further, is not respecting him or your time together as she keeps flaking on her plans, and you end up changing your plans. He needs to take her off his phone plan. While it is a nice gesture, she is not showing any responsibility on paying him back and his phone plan is part of his overall credit score. At least he has said he plans on doing this.
See more questions like this: My boyfriend had an affair with a female colleague
My boyfriend has a friend that is a girl he asked me if he could go to her house on Christmas night for dinner with her family but she does not want me there what to do?
My boyfriend has a friend that is a girl and she asked him to dinner Christmas night with her family but she doesn't want me there what should I do. I have tried: I said it hurts me but he had to make the choice. I think it was caused by: I don't know
That is strange, especially if he has said he is in a serious relationship with you. This friend has something up her sleeve by refusing you on attending the dinner. Your boyfriend needs to understand that on holidays and other events you both are now a team and both go or no one goes. Especially if it is Christmas! You should confront that friend and ask why you are not invited because it was not just an oversight, she said you could not attend.
I am with my boyfriend on and off for 6 years. recently when things start to get better, he brings out his female friends out of nowhere and starts hanging out with them when I am not around?
Recently he took one of the female friends to a gynecologist appointment for a pep and he told me that she just called few hrs ago to go with him because her father is not well. She is the same chick he is constantly talking all the time since I moved back with him a few months ago. I am very upset because why he is taking her as he told me he never talks to her because she is crazy. I am thinking to end things with him because he doesn't want to see his mistake and thinks I am jealous and I should be OK with this. I am not OK because I haven't met this chick and now this is going too far. Please help me what should I do?
You have warning bells going off in your head and rightfully so. You have not met this person and he has not offered for you to meet her. Instead, he claims he is not contacting her then turns around and takes her to a medical appointment. Perhaps there is nothing going on and you have nothing to worry about but you should insist on meeting this person since he has so much contact with her.
Since she needs his support, offer politely to assist. If you are refused by your boyfriend then it is something to be worried about. Do not insist on meeting her but put the idea in his mind and then wait a few weeks for him to invite to you meet her. If he still keeps hiding her then it is probably time to walk away.
My boyfriend's best friend is his ex-girlfriend. I know she has ulterior motives because of her personality. How do I deal with this?
This girl is extremely jealous of other females my boyfriend associates with, and she absolutely despises me and will only hang out with him if it is only the two of them. It upsets me when my boyfriend hangs out with her, especially since they have a romantic history. I find it really hard to trust either of them together. I have less trust for her than him, but I've told him several times that it upsets me when he hangs out with her and he has said: "I'm not getting rid of her." What can I do to deal with this?
You never want to ask a person that you are in a relationship with to pick a side of friend or you. This creates problems and resentment. Since he is refusing to acknowledge that there might be something untoward in her friendship, it is time for you to walk away. Tell him politely that you are not willing to be the third person in their friendship/relationship and deserve to be the number one girl in a guy's life. This position is currently being taken by his ex-girlfriend so there is no option other than to walk away. It will save you heartache in the end. He is not willing to tell his ex-girlfriend to work on accepting you nor is he stating that you all should hang out together. He definitely has a deep emotional connection with his ex-girlfriend so walk away now before you become more emotionally invested in the relationship.
I keep checking her Facebook profile even I am not jealous of her, Why?
Earlier I suspected that my boyfriend is cheating on me with this girl which he found on Twitter. She seemed more beautiful and smarter than me even more nice and good at heart. My boyfriend used to share all his updates with this girl and they seem like they are very close friends. They use to flirt and joke around and met a couple of times. (which I did not know at the time but later he told me that they met and this girl gave her books as presents). This girl used to ask help with my boyfriend on her study and my boyfriend do it happily. When I knew about this I felt obsessed. I did not like the way he shares his stuff with her and appear so happy while he mentions those things later to me. I don't know I was jealous or not but I was uncomfortable with this situation. But I could not mention my feeling with any of them because this girl behaved with me so nicely, became friendly with me on Facebook as well and respected me as her elder sister. But I kept stalking her, again and again, like on an hourly basis. :( Later I found that this girl was in a relationship with another guy for 7 years. . . Right now I am assured that they were not cheating me. They were very good friends. But I ruined their relationship by saying, my boyfriend, that I don't like their way of flirting around. Everything is okay now. They stopped seeing each other now. Only talk on Facebook rarely. But still, I stalk her on Facebook and Instagram. I am not jealous at all now? but why can't I stop stalking her? what is my problem? help me, please. I have tried: I talk with this girl on Facebook and tried to be nice to her. I felt she is just casually talking with me not interested as she used to be while talking with my boyfriend. But when my boyfriend said that he won't be talking with her anymore because I am uncomfortable with this then only she came to talk with me. This time she seemed much interested and talked with me like I am very close to her. She mentioned that she is getting married soon with her in this chat. I think it was caused by: I don't know at all. I am helpless
Sounds like your suspicions initially were correct. She did not contact you often until they broke off seeing each other regularly. This most likely means that guilt was holding her back when you first met. It does not mean that they ever cheated with each other but something even subconsciously was keeping her from contacting you. There is nothing wrong with maintaining contact with her but you might have to just delete her off all your social media accounts since you are becoming preoccupied with her life on social media. There is nothing wrong with curiosity or creating a meaningful friendship with her but you do not want her social media posts to interfere with your emotional health. Instead, focus on your relationship with your boyfriend. He is dating you because he likes or loves you just the way you are. Stop comparing yourself to her and move on.
Should I be worried about their friendship?
My boyfriend recently met this girl and her boyfriend out on a night out, I noticed he has been messaging her a lot and I told my boyfriend that it bothered me a little, then the following week he went out again both this time without me, I wasn't bothered as such, then he invited her and her boyfriend to come on a day trip with us on our only day off together, we had fun but I felt left out and a couple of time just went off alone, and she didn't really try to start a conversation so I did I mean there is no reason to dislike someone just because there is a girl who is my guys mate and I thought it would make it less weird that was fine, I noticed she wasn't very pleasant with her own boyfriend, the next day after my boyfriend finished work she asked him to meet up with her and her boyfriend my boyfriend had asked if I was coming after I had called saying I was meeting him from work we spent ages there and were there passed midnight considering my boyfriend had worked at 8 in the morning, then the next 2 days she went into his work he works in an arcade and there are a lot of them around I have spoken to my boyfriend again he thinks I'm paranoid and if she tries anything he will tell her to stop, but I can't help but feel uncomfortable. I have tried: Talking one on one with my boyfriend with the issues I have but allowing him to have space. I think it was caused by: Maybe the amount of time they talk and how she keeps going into his work and asking him to go out and I get left alone
Perhaps they each click with their interests and personalities but you should insist that you only hang out as a couple and not individually. You are perfectly sane to have these feelings of jealousy and concern. This girl may not be showing her intentions yet her seeking out your boyfriend alone says that she is interested in him.
Sometimes couples do not click right away when they hang out. It can be awkward especially if one person gets on with the other two and then the fourth person is left out. Perhaps you can keep trying to make a connection with her or even her boyfriend. You should also insist that your boyfriend stop where this "friendship" is heading. Sometimes we can be completely clueless when a person is hitting on us and flirting with us. It is possible your boyfriend is missing the signals but if you are concerned then he should back off communication with her. The good news is that your boyfriend is being honest about his communication with her and not trying to hide anything so I do not think that he has any other intentions with this girl but why invite temptation.
Should I be worried, my boyfriend spends more time with his female co-worker?
My boyfriend has a female co-worker friend that he spends more time with than me. However, he swears up and down nothing is going on and always invites me to go with him when meeting her for drinks. He also told me he would like for us to become friends because she is new in town and doesn't have too many friends. However what I don't like is she hardly talks to me when I'm around them and she doesn't engage in conversation with me. All her and my boyfriend do is drink. Since I'm not a big drinker like them, I feel like an outsider so I stopped joining. Another thing I don't like is that he pays for all her drinks and food and she has handed her drinks for him to finish like they are a couple and I'm the 3rd wheel. I've talked to him about it and he promised so many times there is nothing going on between them and he doesn't find her attractive. I recently blew up at him because he didn't leave me a note when he was meeting her for happy hour and didn't want to have dinner with me but got up to go meet her. Should I be concerned and have blown up at him. Please advise. Thank you. I have tried: I've talked to him and he reassured me nothing is going on. I've asked him to let me know where he is going and not to leave me in the dark. He tells me where he is at, but doesn't tell me with whom. I think it was caused by: The cause is him not telling me where he is or leaving notes when I get home letting me know where he is at and with whom?
He does have some sort of emotional attachment with the female coworker. His denial now may be true because sometimes people do not see the mess they are creating until it is too late. This coworker has a bond of drinking with him. When you consider how much he has spent paying for her drinks and food when they go out, that would be a better argument to stand on initially. Point out to him that this money could be used for your future together. Be very wary of their friendship. Perhaps you should start to consider if you could remove yourself from the situation completely. Either way, this is not fair to you. Though he is telling you his comings and goings, he is still financially supporting their partying ways.
My boyfriend talks so nicely to other females and his face turns red. So today I asked him if other women turn him on?
Jealousy of boyfriend talking to other women
Attraction to the opposite sex even in a relationship is a normal thing. Don't you notice an attractive guy that you passed on the street? It is how you react to that feeling that makes the difference in a relationship. You need trust and security in the other person when you are in a relationship. Although he speaks with other females, he is not asking them out on a date or going home with them. He also may have red cheeks just because he is shy. Learning to trust in a relationship is difficult if you have been wronged before. The fair thing to do is give your boyfriend the benefit of the doubt. This is needed if you plan on having a future with him.
I am getting Depressed by thinking a lot about a girl?
Hi, I am a very shy person. There is a girl in my office, who used to stare at me. But I used to ignore her staring because of 2 reasons: 1) I was shy. 2) My colleagues used to tease me about this. But now she stopped staring at me and I miss her staring. And also she is getting frank with my friend. I am thinking a lot and getting depressed day by day by the fact that she started disliking me and liking my friend. Could this be true? I am actually not what people think of me. I have social anxiety disorder. How to overcome this. please help me and let me know as soon as possible. Thanks
If you have social anxiety, entering an office relationship is not the answer. She probably does not dislike you, instead, your friend has gained her interest now. If you really must, ask her out. The worst she can do is say no.
I don't know what to do, please could you help me out?
Basically, my crush is always talking about girls saying they are nice, what does this mean? Does this mean he is doing it to annoy me on purpose? I mean he tells me he loves me, but I don't know. My situation is different because he says he doesn't like her!
Just because he says a girl is nice, does not mean that he wants to date that girl. It is just the way that he describes people. He says he loves you so remind yourself of that whenever you begin to get annoyed.
How do I tell my boyfriend that I don't want him talking to a girl at our school that he has classes with?
The girl used to be in love with him, but they never had anything for real, but she and her boyfriend just broke up and now she wants to keep getting around him and texting him and trying to talk to him and he I guess doesn't want to be rude and just ignore her. The girl use to be in love with him, but he never really wanted anything to do with her for real but now she and her recent boyfriend broke up and she is trying to get close to him and I don't know what I should do about the situation
Be honest with him and let him know that this interaction makes you feel uncomfortable. You may also want to explain to him that this girl is in a vulnerable place and he does not want to confuse her. Every time he texts back, she may be thinking that he is interested in her and when she learns the truth, she will be hurt even further.
=== How can I deal with my boyfriend's sister that I'm about to meet for the first time? === My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years, and today he called me and told me that his sister is visiting him. I don't know what to do about it because this is the first time I'm meeting one of his family members and I'm not sure if she is the sister like he is saying, we don't live together, please advise thanks, LENA
Just be yourself and polite. Answer any questions that she may have about you. Show her that you love her brother and want the best for him. There is always someone in the family that will view anyone he dates as not worthy. If she is that person, do not take it to heart. You and him are the only two people in the relationship where opinion matters.
How do I get my boyfriend to understand? Am I losing him?
My boyfriend and I have been together off and on for 10 years now, at the beginning of our relationship I did some very hurtful things to him because of issues that I had in my life that affected me mentally that I wish I could take back. Within the last almost 6 months he has been talking to this girl, they are very close friends at this point. They talk so much that he talks more deeply about things to her than with me and more often. First time I met her I had a great time! I have such insecurities that I would go through my boyfriends text messages (which he said I could do when feeling uncomfortable) and I noticed that they more they talked the more flirtatious she would get with him, he responded by being nice to her and not telling her that doing stuff like that is inappropriate because he said "its not a big deal" even though I was so uncomfortable with it. Later on, she tells him point blank of how she has gotten feelings for him....now I'm even more nerve racked and my already diagnosed anxiety/paranoia has set in by a lot....so I talk to him and ask him just not to talk to her as much, he had told her that he is in a committed relationship with me and that he sees her only as a close friend (but it doesn't feel that way to me). I started noticing that once a week they would go out do stuff together and hang out for the morning before he left for work, and told me that the invite would extend to me whenever she invited him along, but when I would bring it up to him that "you didn't tell me that you guys were doing something" he gets very annoyed and seems irritated about it. I've been stalking her page constantly day and night to see what she posts, and what my boyfriend "likes" or comments on her posts especially compared to how little he does to mine.....>>FAST FORWARD<< As time went on I would notice that he would delete his messages when he got home from work whenever I would be visiting him claiming the phone was running too slow for him to play his phone games he has downloaded, one morning I woke up fairly early and as normal I grabbed his phone to get on so I could play a couple downloaded games, when I got on the phone though I noticed a couple of new messages from this girl, me being me I figured I'd answer the messages to let her know he was sleeping and he would get back to her later. But when I read the message it was a long message of her proclaiming her love for him and how she wanted them to be together and have a life together.... I, of course, started having a panic attack because there were no messages before this message of them talking. Earlier that day I saw them texting with each other, so I woke him up and asked him what they had been talking about earlier that day, he said nothing much why, and showed him the text she had sent him.... he told me the last thing they talked about was her sitting outside listening to the wildlife around her making noises... I was so upset that all I could think he was lying to me because why in gods name would she even send this message to him especially after he had told her that nothing would be between them! After he says that he rolls over and goes back to sleep, and acts as though this message was nothing.... after the day had passed and night fell again I just quickly ran through his messages to see what was in it and he had deleted them again or so I assumed but the message she had sent him that morning was just erased away so I did not know if he talked to her about that and if so what was said.... after that day he seemed to distance himself from me, hiding his phone when I was around (while he slept would keep it hidden under his pillow or on the side of him).... HELP PLEASE I just do not know how to handle this! Whenever I bring up the fact that I am uncomfortable with her for obvious reasons he gets irritated at me and claims that I'm controlling him and nothing is going on but that he has to ask me permission to hang out with friends....when that is not the case that I just asked him when he hangs out with her that I am brought along every time because I do not trust HER, but he says if I trust him then that shouldn't be an issue... he doesn't understand how I feel because it's "irrational" to him because of my paranoia and I have tried so many times to explain to him what it's like or how it feels and he just can't grasp it, I feel like I'm going to lose him if not now, maybe in the near future :(. Others were on friends their boyfriends had already had before dating, mine is a recently new friend, she has admitted to having feelings for him and wants to be with him even after he has told her no....as far as I know.... and I can't make him understand why she bothers me
Hands down, you are right to be worried. This girl has not only interjected herself into your relationship, she is expressing her romantic feelings to your boyfriend. The fact that she texted that means that something has caused her to feel comfortable enough to express her feelings for him via a text message. Your objections are not you trying to control him but instead, trying to save your relationship from falling apart. It is time to tell him that it is either a relationship with you or a friendship with her. Stand your ground because if he keeps talking and hanging out with this girl, your relationship will end in disaster.
If you have problems with any of the steps in this article, please post in the comments section below.
Categories : Relationships
Recent edits by: Alma, NIcole_lovep, llollippopp