Deal with an obsessive boyfriend

Edited by Ephraim, Charmed, Ian Gabriel T. Tolledo, Anonymous and 19 others

You may think you've found the perfect guy. He's attentive, takes you out, he's good looking and even has a great job. But when he starts calling you constantly, texts you at all times of the night and day and shows up unannounced. What once was charming, is now annoying. He may question everything you do, who you were with and even who you are thinking about. This behavior may even lead to stalking. In many cases, obsession is caused by jealousy and insecurity. An obsessive boyfriend can sometimes be helped by reassurance and assistance from friends and family, however this issue takes a lot of effort to deal with, and he may require professional attention. If the obsession is something you're willing to put up with for the sake of love, and he is not actually harming you beyond minor annoyance, you can try a few things to try and change his behavior.

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How to Discourage Obsessive Behavior

  1. 1
    Changing your boyfriend's obsessive behavior can take a lot of time and patience.
    You should know from the beginning, that this is a personality trait that may be impossible to alter. The only way for people to change is if they recognize they have a problem and are willing to do whatever they can to solve it. Obsessive behavior can stem from insecurity, lack of exposure to normal, healthy relationships, no respect for personal boundaries, lack of social skills or even just a misunderstanding, but the base of this behavior is fear. If your boyfriend recognizes he has a problem and can't change it on his own, he may benefit from a therapist or psychiatrist. The longer a person has exhibited obsessive behavior, the harder it will be to change. If you are not fully in love with your partner and are unwilling to go through this long process, then it would be best to leave the relationship. This is no easy journey and there are no guarantees, even if you are completely in love with him.
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  2. 2
    Make sure you are clear about your boundaries, and how you would like to be treated.
    Some people are better at taking hints, while others need direct explanations. When you are with someone who is obsessive, it will be more difficult to communicate these things to him. You should let him know you feel disrespected when he calls nonstop, bothers you at work or texts you in the middle of the night. Let him know that it makes you feel unhappy and you feel smothered, rather than loved and appreciated. If you think he'll work within guidelines, give him some. Let him know how often it's okay to call or text. Tell him you'd like him to call before he drops by. Suggest a time that you will talk, text or meet. Make sure that you also respect his space. Don't set a bad example. If he's sincerely concerned about your wellbeing, and aware his behavior is overbearing, he will try to understand your needs. When setting these guidelines, be tactful but direct.
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  3. 3
    Encourage your boyfriend to engage in physical activities to reduce anxiety and stress.
    Regardless of the reason for your boyfriend's obsessive behavior, engaging in physical activities such as sports or exercise can reduce tension, increase a sense of well-being, stabilize his mood and promote relaxation. All of these things can help with obsessive behavior. If your boyfriend is insecure, exercise may boost his confidence. When he becomes more relaxed, it will make him more receptive and agreeable when you bring up the topic of his behavior. Exercise is vital for good mental and physical health, so encourage him to participate as much as possible.
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  4. 4
    Do your best to get him involved with others who can help him control his obsessive behavior.
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    For example, if he is religious, then suggest that he go to church. If he is not religious, suggest an organization or club that focuses on his interests, abilities or hobbies. If you are comfortable with his friends, ask them about his behavior. They may be able to shed some light on it, and they may even be able to help in some way. However, if your boyfriend has trust issues, avoid talking about him to his friends unless they bring it up first. It will only make the situation worse.
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  5. 5
    He may be obsessive because he's afraid that you'll cheat on him.
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    It's possible that someone cheated on him in the past, and he has trust issues that are affecting your relationship. In this case, he may simply need reassurance that he's good enough the way he is and that you only have eyes for him. In many cases, a little reassurance goes along way. Be honest with your boyfriend if he asks you questions about your day or who you spent time with. However, in the case of extreme jealousy or irrational mistrust, there's little you can do to help what goes on in his head. That is something he will need to work on himself.
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Straightforward Solution

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Let him know that he is being obsessive and you don't like it. After you have explored all other options, understand that there is nothing else for you to do besides letting him know that you will leave him for good if the obsessive behavior doesn't change. No one deserves to be disrespected, and if he doesn't trust you based on your actions, then it's better to leave. If he is truly in love with you, this tactic may convince him to tone down his actions. He will not want to risk losing you because of this behavior. If that doesn't work, then seriously suggest that the two of you see other people or spend more time with your friends and family away from each other in hopes that he will get it together by being alone. Use this option before leaving him for good if he doesn't change his behavior.

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If your boyfriend is obsessive, remember that it is not something that you have to deal with. It can hurt you in many ways, and it may even escalate to stalking or other forms of abuse. It is very unhealthy to deal with an obsessive person. Obsession starts out as a little problem, but it can very often evolve into something so scary that it can change your life. If you try to help your boyfriend get over this issue and it doesn't work, then it is highly recommended that you leave this guy for good. It is better to live without him, rather than live in fear by staying with him. You deserve to be happy and enjoy life in a healthy relationship. You should be able to live your life fully for what it's worth. Remember the signs of obsession, along with the things that you can do to resolve this issue. Don't put up with abuse or stalking, and leave your boyfriend when it's safe to do so if he refuses to change his harmful behavior. Don't hesitate to ask friends, family, domestic violence organizations or the police for help if the obsessive behavior escalates to abuse.

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Questions and Answers

Will a relationship work out with an obsessive boyfriend?

Men are just territorial beings.

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Every human being has some kind of obsession. There are people who are obsessed with cleanliness, some are obsessed with material collections or pets, and some are really obsessed with their objects of affection. In a relationship, if your boyfriend is really madly and deeply in love with you there is somehow this tendency that he will show his obsessive behavior. They tend to protect their property and that includes the women they love. However, if certain degree of obsessive behavior in the relationship manifests continuous conflict, jealousy, disagreement and stress then it is no longer healthy. You might decide to draw the line as soon as possible because both parties should make their efforts to establish harmony in the relationship. But, if you really love your obsessive boyfriend you will never give up easily. You will endure his obsessive behavior as one of his flaws and imperfections. In the same way as how he accepts you and your tantrums, vanity, jealousy and other flaws that he learns to understand and love in you. The bottom line is that every man and woman who enters in a relationship should recognize the fact that they are not perfect and so as their partners. So having an obsessive boyfriend is a challenging and exciting experience. There are always a lot of reasons to give up a relationship but there are also a lot of reasons to be courageous and stand beside the imperfect person you love obsessive or not. So going back to the question, will a relationship workout with an obsessed boyfriend? The answer is yes if both parties decide to make the relationship work. Any relationship will work, if you managed to be smitten with each other. Because many believe that love is one of the most powerful feelings in this world. Perhaps your boyfriend is obsessed with you because you made him feel so vulnerable and insecure. Why don't you compromise with your boyfriend? You need to talk to your boyfriend about his obsessive behavior. Tell him what you like, and what you don't like.

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Yes, men are territorial beings but so are women. Just as much as a man may behave obsessively a woman can also do the same thing regardless of the gender of a person they can still be territorial. Also yes it is possible that the relationship with an obsessive boyfriend can work out but there also is a chance that things will not go as plan regardless of how hard you try to change this type of person.

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See more questions like this: What should I do with my obsessive and possessive boyfriend

Yes! It will work out?

  • if you really love your boyfriend you will understand him. And you can forgive him once obsessive behavior affects your relationship.
  • if you assure your boyfriend that he is the only man that you will love.
  • if you don't play games with your boyfriend. Tell him where you're going, and tell him your plans in life, so that your boyfriend will not feel neglected or taken for granted.
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Yes, it can work out with an obsessive boyfriend but going into the relationship believing you can change them is not a good approach to a person who has these traits. It will take a lot of work and pain in order to deal with a person like this but understand that you can waste all that time with that person and not change them at all.

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Ways to resolve problems with an obsessive boyfriend? *4?

It is very important that you understand exactly why a boyfriend is being obsessive and what are the triggers or particular areas that he actually obsesses about. This is the first key thing to do. Once you have a clearer understanding of his obsessions, you can then observe how he actually responds to them and work on your action plan around that. More often than not, when you have a better understanding of his obsessions, problems become easier to resolve. This is because you will know exactly what to target and how to handle your partner accordingly. Also, a better understanding helps to avoid misinterpretations of certain actions, and therefore helps you to prevent conflicts in the relationship. These are other things that can be done to resolve problems with an obsessive boyfriend:

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  • Have a dialogue about the situation. Sometimes, the problem is that your boyfriend may not realize that certain actions, behaviors, and circumstances in your relationship are becoming a source of problems already. Communicate with him about your concerns and come up with an action plan together. When engaging in this kind of conversation, avoid finger-pointing or blaming each other. Instead, treat the situation as if it's your project to work on together.
  • Analyze the situation deeply and avoid making judgments based on symptoms alone. In any case, taking action based upon the symptoms is not an effective way of solving problems. Symptoms are often caused by something else deeper, or the root of the problem. If you do not tackle that root, the problem will just repeatedly occur. Together with your boyfriend, carefully look into the situation and find out what the real problem is. Look into all relevant areas.
  • Make your boyfriend feel that you are there ready to help him anytime. Certain obsessions can be addressed. The only hindrance in making this happen is when your boyfriend may feel that you are not very open to help him get through it. Even worse, he will hesitate to seek your help if he feels that you are being judgmental about it.
  • Cooperate with solutions that help your boyfriend address and get over his obsessions. For example, if your boyfriend has an obsession towards constantly cleaning, avoid situations that trigger this need, such as littering around the house, not organizing things accordingly, etc. In other words, help him avoid temptations so that he is able to condition himself towards an improvement in his behavior. This requires a lot of conditioning and a certain period of time before you see changes in behavior.
  • Take responsibility for what's happening in the relationship, instead of thinking that only one person is responsible for the problems. Always remember that both you and your boyfriend have a fair share in making sure you are happy in your relationship. Tackle problems as a team.
  • Seek counseling. If the obsessions are getting worse to the point that they impair your boyfriend in many ways, then it may be time to actually start seeking help from an expert. While obsessions are not always bad, if it starts to affect day-to-day life negatively, it is best to have it assessed and reconditioned. Obsessions may then be channeled through other things, which are more productive.
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An effective way to help the situation will be for you to sit him down and talk about his obsessive behavior straight on. When you blatantly tell him about the situation it will allow him to get a full understanding of what he is doing wrong in order for him to help fix the situation. By not being straight forward he will not get a full understanding of what he is doing wrong or needs to improve on.

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How to handle a friend obsessed with your partner? #24?

The best way to handle this situation is by talking to your friend. Let your friend know that it is very uncomfortable knowing that they are obsessed with your partner. If your friend ignores your please, cut your ties with this friend of yours because it will eventually be a source of conflict between you and your partner.

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If you have a friend that is obsessed with your partner then it is recommended that you end the friendship and keep that person away from you or your partner. I know that it sounds mean to ditch your friend but if they do not respect your relationship then they are not a true friend, break communication from them completely to save your relationship and promote a healthier lifestyle with better friends.

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Obsessive boyfriend how to help?

You need to understand first what are the causes of those obsessions. In most cases as well, obsessiveness is not an issue, unless it's already interfering with normal day-to-day activities.

It may also be worthwhile to seek for the help of a psychologist. You have to assure your boyfriend that you are making this recommendation not because you're thinking he's a lunatic or anything like that, but because you think there are still areas of improvement in his situation.

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Please help! This guy is breaking up our happy home?

First I would like to let you know that I am a 53 years old woman, I have lived with a man for 18 years just married him 2 years ago. I have a 24 years old daughter who is still at home and my husband has a 26 years old daughter who lives on her own. Our family is outgoing , love to laugh, party make people laugh and just have good times. About 2 years ago my daughter started seeing a friend she knew from elementary school and they grew closer and we all did and he pretty much lives with us. For the last year and a half he sleeps here every night except when they have an argument and she asks him to leave once a month, he does not get any mail here though. Like I said our family loves to laugh, we talk crazy to each other like Hi, .... to each other male female, just like how's it going, like how are you for example. Her boyfriend and family do not kid around like that, he is now used to us and our ways but to his family it would be totally disrespectful to talk to any body like that especially your family. My daughter is a extremely beautiful girl and has a 36EE chest. Which we have talked, joked, laughed about for years cause it seem like one day she went to school flat chested and when she came home BAM! It was like they literally just appeared one day. One day they were all sitting at the table and they were talking about Victoria secret models and my husband said that my daughter would make a great one and that way she would not have to pay such high prices for their merchandise. We laughed and nobody thought a second thing about it except her boyfriend. He got up and now 6 months later is still dwelling on it, the other night he called my husband a pervert and he should not disrespect my daughter like that. Has brought this up time and time again when my husband is not here trying to make us see how disrespectful it is to make such comments. He has raised my daughter as his own would never do anything to ever hurt her in any way or let any one hurt her. Her own biological father and her biological brother also has made occasional comments about her size and her brothers calls them the twins. But her boyfriend thinks since my husband is not her real dad he should not talk like that about her at all and that he is a pervert for doing so. My daughter has never came to me upset in any way about any comment made about her chest or size she knows is all just teasing just a laugh like they tease me about gallons of ice cream I eat and then wander why I over weight. We all laugh you know. and on to next subject. He lives in our home and now has called my husband a pervert, my husband asked what is wrong with you and he shocked my husband and gave him a black eye my neighbor called the cops and the boyfriend left. He is crazy jealous about my nephew, blood cousin to my daughter says he don't like how they joke around, he also has told my daughter that any guy that looks at her or talks to her at all just wants to get in her pants and she should not even look back at them at all and definitely not talk to them at all. He gets mad if she walks out to get the mail in a tank top, our house is surrounded by almond orchards on all sides. He goes to grocery store alone cause when they go together they come back fighting because someone was looking at her. What is your opinion of his ridiculous behavior. My husband now has said the boyfriend is not allowed on this property ever again and my daughter says she is moving in with him..

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Your daughter's boyfriend's behavior is obviously jealous and controlling. It's good that your husband has forbidden him from entering your property. As for your daughter, she will have to realize this behavior is wrong on her own. If you pressure her to break up with him, it may only make her want to be with him more. The best thing you can do is let your daughter know her worth, and that she should never tolerate disrespect from anyone, including her boyfriend. Lead by example and show her how much you and your family care about her and respect her decision, even though it may be unwise. Hopefully she will realize his behavior is unacceptable on her own. Let her know that she can count on you to be there for her if and when things go south in her relationship. When the honeymoon phase wears off, she will likely become tired of his controlling and jealous ways.

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I think I'm exhibiting some obsessive qualities?

I have been with my girlfriend for a few months now but I find myself always thinking about her, wanting to text her or call her, and worrying what she is doing or thinking when she doesn't reply to me, sometimes it takes 4 or five hours to reply. In those long time periods my mind goes in all directions analyzing every possible scenario that could be the reason why she is not wanting to talk to me

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A boyfriend who has hit me four times?

Hi, I have a boyfriend who has hit me four times at different occasions, just because I was out with my friends till midnight, we have dated for 5 months. Do you think its safe to continue being in that relationship. Apart from those four times, he's a good guy!!

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How can I help change his obsessive behavior without him noticing?

I have been married for 10 months and started noticing early in my marriage that my husband does not like me to keep ties with certain friends, and then it became family members, and now it's with siblings. His opinion was that I have to focus on our marriage and not let these people ruin our relationship by manipulating me and disrespecting me, so it's best to distance myself from them. Suddenly, I feel so isolated and find myself all alone. He won't let me go outside the house without a proper reason mostly for school. If I want to go shopping he would deny it because he doesn't want me to spend money. He won't let me go to my mother's because he says that I should focus on my own house. His parents and family see it as normal behavior and say that all men are like that and that I should learn how to deal with it. I feel trapped, and when I tell him that I feel trapped he threatens me with divorce and tells me that he will easily move on and leave me behind with our unborn child. I'm so helpless and torn.. I have tried: I tried submitting to his wishes, I tried defying and standing up for myself. I tried communicating my boundaries with him. I tried seeking his family's help and my family's help.. I think it was caused by: I don't know

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I have an obsessive boyfriend that used to physically and emotionally abuse me, I finally left and he is very much apologetic and its not the first time he is apologizing, what can I do, he is constantly calling and visiting unannounced?

I have an obsessive boyfriend that used to physically and emotionally abuse me, I finally left and he is very much apologetic and its not the first time he is apologizing, what can I do, he is constantly calling and visiting unannounced

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Recent edits by: Doug Collins, nadd22, Nuance

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