Deal with a mommas boy
Edited by Ephraim, Charmed, Eng, Mian Sheilette Ong and 7 others
A Momma's boy typically describes a guy who always puts his mother first, before anything or anyone else. Although there is nothing wrong with considering your mother a priority in certain aspects of life, if it's so extreme that everything depends on her, it's likely to cause issues in romantic relationships. A Momma's boy may need to discuss everything with his mother before making any decisions on his own. He seeks not only her approval, but he tends to lean on to his mother for almost everything, oblivious to those decisions couples should be making together. It's doubtful a Momma's boy has actually ascended to adulthood, as they have spent their entire life being pampered by their mother, with most decisions having been made for them. There's a reason why the term isn't 'Momma's Man'. If you are dealing with this type of a guy, you may find some good advice below.
How to Deal with a Momma's Boy
- 1Accept that his mother will always be number one in his life.She was there long before you, and you need to be clear you are not looking to take her place. If you're trying to separate him from his mom, you'll never win. The goal is NOT to live harmoniously as a couple by completely cutting his mother out of your relationship. That would be selfish and hurtful. The idea is to find see this situation in a positive life, and try to live within the emotional boundaries already established. Remember to be fair and try to see it from his side.Advertisement
- 2Communicate with him about his actions.In some cases, he may not even realize he's being a Momma's boy. Tell him when you have concerns based on his comments or behavior, regarding his mother. Be honest about how you feel, but don't insult him for having a close relationship with his mom. Avoid using the term "Momma's boy", as that will only make the situation worse.Advertisement
- 3Discuss the expectations you have of each other.Ask him what he wants from you in a relationship. Let him know that you are not going to treat him exactly like his mother does because you are not his mother.. He obviously views his mother as an ideal woman, and, because you are not his mother, he may compare you to his mother. You should let him know this is unacceptable. You are his lover, not his mother, and you've no desire to take on a motherly role in your relationship.
- 4Don't threaten him.If you do, he will begin to resentment you because he will see it as you're asking him to choose between you and his mother. Remember, you are not trying to eliminate his mother from your life, just resolve an issue, and alter his behavior. Your objective is for him to be capable of making decisions on his own and not depend on his mother too much.
- 5Give him enough time to change.Do not expect that after one conversation, you will immediately see a huge turnaround in the situation. As long as he is trying, be patient. Most likely, the more he feels that you are serious about the relationship, the more that he will become willing to resolve the issue.
- 6Get to know his mother.If you make an effort to befriend her and show that you are not trying to break the bond between her and her son, she will be more likely to support your relationship. Additionally, it will mean a lot to him because he'll see that you're trying to understand his relationship with his mom, rather than eliminate her from your life. Also, this will allow him to see the distinction between his relationship with his mother and you. It's much better for you to be friends with his mom, rather than view her as an obstacle in your relationship.
- 7Take trips together.This will allow him to experience and enjoy life with just the two of you. Let him appreciate how nice it is to have a little bit of privacy in which all that matters is the two of you, and all that he needs to focus on, is you. It must be exhausting to be a Momma's boy.
- 8Talk to his mother about your relationship.Be honest about how you feel, and explain some of your expectations for the relationship. If you are able to communicate this to his mother, she will understand your perspective, and realize that you only want what's best for her son, and your relationship. What is most important to this woman is her son's happiness. Make sure she knows you can make her son happy.
- 9Reflect carefully on your relationship, and make strong decisions when necessary.Consider the status of your relationship, and decide if the current situation is hopeless, despite several conversations or if it's something you think can be resolved. If not, it may be something you need to walk away from. In any relationship, it is very important for both parties to know where their priorities lie, and that those priorities are similar. He can only change when he's ready to, and you can't spend your life wanting something from a relationship that you will never receive. If neither of you is willing to change your expectations or behavior, it may be time to consider moving on.
How to Improve the Situation when Dealing with a Momma's Boy
Changing a Momma's boy might be downright impossible. It puts you him in between you and his mother, which is a very uncomfortable situation to be in. His love and respect for his mother is an admirable thing, but your relationship will pay the price for that devotion if he can't create a balance between the two of you. With a little effort and a lot of patience, you may be able to find a happy medium in your relationship. It's important to address these issues as a couple, and come up with a solution that will make all three of you happy. Check out the tips below for some ways to improve your relationship with a Momma's boy.
- 1Write him a letter.Perhaps you don't have the courage to tell him face-to-face exactly how you feel so take to pen and paper to express your honest thoughts and feelings about what's going on in your relationship. Tell him how the attention he know when he does things that upset you, so writing them down might help him realize his over-devotion to his mother is causing problems in his relationship. Anticipate different scenarios of how he might react, so you already have a plan to tackle it. Above all, give him enough time to reflect upon the things you have revealed, as it all might be news to him.Advertisement
- 2Propose some time away from each other to reflect on the issue.Do not do this as a threat, but to give both of you some time to assess your relationship.
- 3Learn to cook his favorite dish.One of the main reasons men attach themselves so firmly to their mothers, is that their moms prepare their favorite dishes all the time. Ask his mother for her recipes, or better yet, offer to cook them with her so you can learn. This may also help improve your relationship with his mom, which can only be a good thing for you and your boyfriend.
- 4Settle into a place where you can have your privacy as a couple.It's important in any relationship that you create an opportunity for the two of you to actually build your own family, on your own. This initiates independence, and it may motivate your partner to finally take full accountability for himself and his family.Advertisement
Questions and Answers
What to avoid when dealing with mommas boy?
Sons who love their moms are certainly admirable, however, too much dependency on anyone is an unhealthy situation, even mother and son relationships. Momma's boys tend to be very obedient to their moms to the point that they lose their backbone and sense of self. These, and not being able to decide on their own and letting mom take over most things in their lives are a few disadvantages of being a momma's boy.
When dealing with a Momma's boy, you should avoid criticizing his mom or even contesting certain decisions that his mom made for him. These types of men have been spoiled and pampered by their moms, even after they've already grown up. Their moms tend to take control of their son's affairs - even when it comes to their career and personal lives. Some moms think that they are doing the right thing for their sons, but in fact, they restrict their son's growth in all aspects, making him unable to stand on his own. Momma's boys tend to be overindulgent, dependent, and irresponsible. Pointing this out to a Momma's boy, or worse, his mother, would be futile and end in an emotionally war.
Instead, it would help to encourage him to make his own decisions. Baby steps, friend - baby steps. If he begins to accomplishment things on his own and to gain some independence, this will build up his confidence to move on to bigger life-changing decisions on his own life. Eventually, with constant motivation and encouragement, he will learn to be independent and responsible for his own choices and be able to regain control of his life. The goal is not to eliminate his mom's influence on him but to let him realize that he is fully capable of making the right decisions with support from his mom and other mentors. Age is certainly a factor. The older he is, the more entrenched he will be in this relationship of dependency.
Do not make it your goal to eliminate his mother from his life. You will probably only succeed at eliminating him from your life. Be very careful not to emulate the relationship he has with his mother. You do not want to be a man's Mommy. Know when you are defeated, and he will never be the man you'd hoped, and walk away.
Should I leave this move out of this situation?
My girlfriend of 2.5 years has her 23 year old son move in with us indefinitely while he takes classes and waits for marriage. Oh and MAJOR mamma's boy! Is it hopeless?. I have tried: Counseling. I think it was caused by: Upbringing
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Categories : Relationships
Recent edits by: Nuance, Melissa Rae, sara07