Deal with a cheating partner

Edited by Ephraim, Charmed, cheryl laolao, Anonymous and 4 others

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There are many ways to deal with a cheating partner. If you are trying to hold on to the relationship, the approach will obviously be very different than if you intend to end the relationship with your partner. There is nothing wrong with feeling anger toward the person, but the saying, "once a cheater, always a cheater", does not apply to all people. There are those who can learn from their mistakes. Everyone deserves a second chance, and if you truly love this person, consider that life is too short to not forgive. Still, when you've had enough, when you can't take anymore, then some tough decisions have to be made. The steps below will be helpful for you to figure out how you can handle a cheating partner.

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  1. 1
    Have an open mind and an open heart when the person says they are sorry for their betrayal.
    On the other hand, don't be stupid. If you feel they are not being sincere, trust your instincts, as nine times out of 10 you will be right. Yet there is that 10% chance you are wrong, as none of us really knows how the other person feels. It's smart, and a good way to determine how sincere they are, by letting them come to you to apologize. Do not go to them, searching for an apology, as it puts them on the spot, forcing them to apologize, making the sincerity of the apology doubtful. If you know your partner well, an apology will often reassure you they will not commit the act again. If you do not know your partner well, perhaps it's the beginning of the relationship, then you will have to decide if it's worth the risk of continuing a relationship with someone who has already broken your trust. If you believe you can move past this issue, then you and your partner will have a lot of work to do on the relationship, and you will have to work on mistakes that both of you may have made.
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  2. 2
    Be sure you can move on with the relationship after knowing that your partner has cheated on you.
    It will be difficult for you to forget the issue, but you need to look within yourself and decide whether you can truly forgive your partner for the betrayal. Once you make the decision to forgive your partner, you will need to continue with the relationship, without bringing up the betrayal in arguments and dwelling on it. Yet, if things have changed between the two of you, and there will always be a sense of mistrust, dislike, and a fear it will happen again, if you're considering revenge by doing the same harm to your partner, and if you continue to throw the betrayal in your partner's face, your partner will learn to mistrust you, believing you may cheat, just to get back at them. It is then you need to walk away. That is no way to live your life. Before making an oath to forgive your partner, you need to talk to them and let them know the pain will remain, but you are willing to try and rebuild your relationship, and your trust.
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  3. 3
    Rebuild your relationship from the bottom.
    By doing this, by securing the foundation of your relationship, you can deal with the issues that may have caused the betrayal in the first place, which will be extremely helpful in making sure this kind of infidelity doesn't happen again down the road. It's also important during this process, to make sure the person your partner cheated with, is completely out of the picture. They should be no friendship or communication between them. They should now see each other at all. The person has to be out of both of your lives for your relationship to be successful. If he or she continues to interact with the other party, your relationship will be rebuilt on sand and not stone. It's scary. There is no way for you to know whether or not your partner is still in contact with that person. It's scary because the only thing you can do is trust him or her, and keep your eyes open for signs of the same kind of things that happened before, to determine if he or she has gone back to their cheating ways.
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  4. 4
    Discuss things with your partner.
    Ask why they cheated on you. The reason may be something that can be easily fixed. Perhaps your partner was bored with the relationship, sexually, and wanted to try new things. If this is the issue, then it is up to you to spice things up, sexually. This will likely make things better for the both of you. Or perhaps you could discuss why they were boring. Be patient. Things will not be the same for a while. Any betrayal within a relationship can have very negative effects, mentally, emotionally and sexually. This is pretty common after finding out that your partner has cheated on you. It might take you a while to get yourself together. If your partner is sincere, he or she will be very understanding, as they would not do anything to hurt you again, especially by cheating. When it comes to sex, do not feel that you have to jump back into things too quickly with your partner, when it comes to being sexual again. Only continue a sexual relationship when you are ready. You deserve to take as long as you want. After you have fully resolved the cheating issue, after you've talked about and implemented methods of repairing the damage, the relationship should be better, perhaps better than it originally was.
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  5. 5
    If you realize your partner's reason for cheating does not make sense, it may be time to move on.
    If he or she acted out of selfishness by only thinking of his or her own needs and ignoring yours, then you may need to leave the relationship for good. It may be your partner is a habitual cheater, the worst kind of cheater. This is not the kind of person you want to associate with, let alone be in a relationship. A habitual cheater will not only psychologically mess with your head, but often there ends up with a communication breakdown between you and your family and friends. A habitual cheater will make you believe they are sorry, while continuing to be unfaithful. They feel no remorse, taking you for yet another ride down this rocky road. There is no stopping this kind of person, so the best thing you can do for yourself is to leave them alone.
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  6. 6
    Ensure that your partner gets checked out by a medical professional before you even think about engaging, sexually, with him or her again.
    Whether your partner likes it or not, the truth is he or she may have contracted something from the person he or she cheated with. Don't put yourself at risk. It wasn't you that messed around. Unfortunately a lot of people catch STD's from their cheating partners. Be smart and think with your head. Make sure they get checked out. They deceived you about cheating, they can lie about whether or not they are clean. Even if you know the person they cheated with, there could be others you don't know about. Your partner cheated. You cannot trust his or her judgment; so can you trust they wouldn't do anything to hurt you physically as well? No. Trust with your heart, but think with your head and be safe.
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  7. 7
    Give up on the relationship if you feel as if your partner will not change his or her ways.
    This kind of pain is not worth going through, if there is no light at the end of the tunnel. The promise that things will get better in time is not enough. You will know in your heart and by your partner's actions if they capable of change, for the changes will be evident by their actions, and their commitment to your relationship. If your partner begins to behave strangely, similar to the way he or she behaved when cheating on you, it's a good bet they are either reconnecting with their previous lover, or they've found a new one. As a last resort, you might want to do a little investigating. You might be tempted to look through your partner's phone. Sure, there is a lot of information that will reveal what your partner is up to. Devices hold many secrets. You might ask to use your partner's phone one day, just to make a call. Judge how your partner reacts to your request. Are they defensive? Does it feel as if your partner is hiding something? Do they refuse your request? Then they probably are hiding something; many things, things they do not want you to know. That being said, this tactic does not create more trust between two people.
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Psychologically mess with someone

Some people thrive on the weaknesses of others, and they may even get a thrill out of taking advantage of that weakness. After learning of their partner's infidelity, a lot of people will just break up, but there are others who are easily trapped and taken in by their partners' lies. Their partner may know how to play with their minds through an effective, decisive approach of deception. How do you know if your partner is messing with you, psychologically? Below are some of the techniques that manipulative men and women employ to exploit the people they are in a relationship with.

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  1. 1
    Suave and charm strategy.
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    Your friend tells you about your partner cheating. When you get home, you confront him or her. Since you are very angry and deeply hurt, it is difficult for you to control your emotions. While confronting him or her, you've lost your composure. You are shouting and out of control. You are expecting your partner to be scared and show remorse. On the contrary, he or she stays calm and listens to you attentively. When it is time to explain his or her side, your partner remains cool and soft-spoken. He or she will sit and watch, waiting for the moment you realize that everything they are saying is lies. Then, they simply divert the topic by changing the subject. He or she will look at you affectionately and gently stroke your hair or your arms. They will start with small kisses, murmuring sweet things in your ear. They are trying to mesmerize you, trying to get you to think about something else. They are doing everything they can to make sure you aren't focused on their betrayal.
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  2. 2
    Beating around the bush.
    When you ask a candid question, you are expecting, or at least hoping for, a straight answer. Instead, he or she just gives you an indirect and senseless answer or brings up another topic. He or she may even start saying nice things to you, so that you will forget about the problems -- things like, "You look so gorgeous today," and, "I am so lucky to be with you," etc., until you just let it go.
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  3. 3
    Evasive.
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    When you ask your partner where they've been, usually he or she will give you broad answers, perhaps tell a story about a friend, talk the present economic situation, or about that movie you recently watched. He or she may talk about anything, except for what you want to know.
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  4. 4
    Point the finger at somebody.
    When you accuse him or her of wrongdoings, your partner may indirectly admit his fault. Expect to hear this kind of reasoning: "I am not perfect, I am just a human and as a human, I have flaws." And then he or she may tell you about a friend who committed the same wrongdoing, but his friend's spouse or partner did not mind at all because it is just normal. At this moment, he is trying to convince you to accept his or her flaws, just like he or she accepts your flaws, even if yours are not nearly so serious. Once you are totally convinced, your partner will likely continue to do whatever he or she wants, regardless of how you feel about it, you are free to leave.
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  5. 5
    Playing on your feelings.
    "I am your partner, you know me better than that." Your partner may turn it around and question your love and your loyalty to him or her. Perhaps several of your friends caught your partner cheating, and you confront him or her about it, he or she may try to defend himself or herself by telling you that those are lies -- that your friends do not like him or her and are trying to get rid of him or her by fabricating vicious stories. Then your partner may start trying to manipulate you by talking about his or her undying love, reminding you of your promises to stick together and not to break each other's hearts, and saying that you need to be more trusting and loyal.
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  6. 6
    It's your fault.
    The passive aggressive partner will make his or her infidelity your fault. "You don't want to have sex enough, and I have desires. You're always busy. You don't show me enough attention. You didn't want to move in with me. You don't love me." Do not fall for any of these. Your partner needs to take responsibility for his or her actions. Period.
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Questions and Answers

He told me he cheated on me, and feels sorry for what he did. He said he can't promise anything yet he'll do everything not to disappoint me ever again. Should I take him back and forgive him?

He told me he cheated on me, and feels sorry for what he did. He said he can't promise anything yet he'll do everything not to disappoint me ever again. Should I take him back and forgive him?. I have tried: I tried to reassess everything,. I think it was caused by: He told me its because we're lacking the time and communication, which made our relationship idle.

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Categories : Relationships

Recent edits by: sheryl hernandez, Eng, Lynn

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