Deal with a cheating partner

Edited by Ephraim, Charmed, cheryl laolao, Lynn and 5 others

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There are many ways to deal with a cheating partner. If you are trying to hold on to the relationship, the approach will obviously be very different than if you intend to end the relationship with your partner.

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Your Choices After Your Partner Has Cheated On You

There are probably two ways this issue will be resolved:

  1. 1
    Forgiveness
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    There is nothing wrong with feeling anger toward the person, but the saying, "once a cheater, always a cheater", does not apply to all people. There are those who can learn from their mistakes. Everyone deserves a second chance, and if you truly love this person, consider that life is too short to not forgive.
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  2. 2
    Move on
    .
    If you've had enough, when you can't take anymore, then some tough decisions have to be made. The steps below will be helpful for you to figure out how you can handle a cheating partner.
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Forgive Them

Have an open mind and an open heart when the person says they are sorry for their betrayal. On the other hand, don't be stupid. If you feel they are being sincere, trust your instincts, as nine times out of 10 you will be right. Yet there is that 10% chance you are wrong.

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  1. 1
    Let them come to you with an apology
    .
    None of us really knows how the other person feels. It's easier to determine your partner's intention, and how sincere they are, by letting them come to you to apologize. Do not go to them, searching for an apology, as it puts them on the spot, forcing them to apologize, making the sincerity of the apology doubtful.
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  2. 2
    If you know your partner well, an apology will often reassure you they will not commit the act again
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    If you believe you can move past this issue, then you and your partner will have a lot of work to do on the relationship, and you will have to work on mistakes that both of you may have made.
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  3. 3
    Be sure you can move on with the relationship after knowing that your partner has cheated on you
    .
    It's going to be difficult to forget the cheating, but you need to look within yourself and decide whether you can truly forgive your partner for the betrayal. Once you've made the decision to forgive your partner, you need to continue the relationship, without bringing up the betrayal in arguments and dwelling on it.
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  4. 4
    Discuss things with your partner
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    Ask why he/she cheated on you. The reason may be something that can be easily fixed. Perhaps your partner was bored with the relationship, sexually, and wanted to try new things. If this is the issue, then it is up to you to spice things up, sexually. This will likely make things better for the both of you. Or perhaps you could discuss why they were boring.  
    1. Adding this because it is very dangerous advice. Is it really up to the other person to "spice things up? Isn't this blaming the victim? Shouldn't the cheater have discussed this before lying down with someone else? Statements like this can be very damaging. It's like telling a woman if she hadn't provoked her husband, he wouldn't have beaten her. It's dangerous advice.
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  5. 5
    Before forgiveness
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    People tend to continue to bring up past indiscretions, when they feel their cheating partner has not felt enough regret, or displayed appropriate remorse. Before taking an oath to forgive your partner, you need to talk to it out and let them know the pain they have caused. You need to remind them the pain will not go away over night, and they must work to regain your trust. Only when you believe both of you have communicated your feelings on the subject, and you've both been heard, and understood - can you move on to repair your relationship.
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  6. 6
    Rebuild your relationship from the bottom
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    By doing this, by securing the foundation of your relationship, you can deal with the issues that may have caused the betrayal in the first place, which will be extremely helpful to make sure this kind of infidelity doesn't happen again down the road.
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  7. 7
    Be patient
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    Things will not be the same for quite a while. Any betrayal in a relationship will have very negative effects, mentally, emotionally and sexually. This is pretty common after finding out that your partner has cheated on you. It might take you a while to get yourself together. If your partner is sincere, he or she will be very understanding, as they won't do anything to hurt you again, especially by cheating.
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  8. 8
    When it comes to sex, do not feel you have to jump back into things too quickly with your partner
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    Only continue a sexual relationship when you are ready. You deserve to take as long as you want.
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  9. 9
    Disconnect with the cheater's partner in crime
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    You cannot heal your relationship if the person who slept with your partner, is there - in the shadows. This will be a hurdle if the person works with your partner, or is in your social circle. There should be absolutely no contact between the two of them. This cheater must agree to do everything they can to remove this person from your lives:  
    1. They should not see each other.
    2. He/she should remove the person from his/her:  
      1. Email.
      2. Block him/her on social media - (Facebook, Skype, Snapchat, Facetime, etc.)
      3. Phone - remove her contact info, and block her number.
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  10. 10
    When they've disconnected
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    It's still going to be trick once the cheater has said they've stopped all contact with the "other person", as there is no way for you to know whether that's true or not, and you already know they are capable of lying to you. The trust has been broken, and now you find yourself watches out for signs of the same kind of behaviour that lead to the infidelity, trying to find out if he or she has gone back to their cheating ways. The injured party may be tempted to check their partner's phone and/or computer. This begins to get really messy. If he/she is actually repentant and doing his/her best; this will make them feel humiliated. If they are still messing around behind your back, it will make them angry, and they will do whatever they can to make sure you don't have access to their devices. You will insist, they will argue. As you can see, it's a very rocky cliff you have to scale to get your relationship back to a safe and loving place.
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  11. 11
    Investigations
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    You might want to do a little investigating. You might be tempted to look through your partner's phone. Sure, there is a lot of information that will reveal what your partner is up to. Devices hold many secrets. You might ask to use your partner's phone one day, just to make a call. Judge how your partner reacts to your request. Are they defensive? Does it feel as if your partner is hiding something? If they refuse your request, they are probably hiding something; many things, things they do not want you to know. That being said, this tactic does not create more trust between two people.
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  12. 12
    STDs
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    Make sure your partner gets checked out by a medical professional before you even think about engaging, sexually, with him or her again. Whether your partner likes it or not, the truth is he or she may have contracted something from the person he or she cheated with. Don't put yourself at risk. It wasn't you that messed around. Unfortunately a lot of people catch STD's from their cheating partners. Consider how easily they deceived you about cheating; and be smart enough to know they can just as easily lie about whether or not they used protection. Even if you know the person they cheated with, there could be others you don't know about. Your partner cheated. You cannot trust his or her judgment; so can you trust they wouldn't do anything to hurt you physically as well? No. Trust with your heart, but think with your head and be safe.
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  13. 13
    Better than ever
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    After you 've fully resolved the cheating issue, after you've talked about and implemented methods of repairing the damage, if you are very luck and in the minority, the relationship might be better than it originally was.
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Leave Them

If you've read the above, and you still have a bad taste in your mouth, red the following. Have an open mind and an open heart when the person says they are sorry for their betrayal. On the other hand, don't be stupid. If you feel they are not being sincere, trust your instincts, as nine times out of 10 you will be right. Yet there is that 10% chance you are wrong.

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  1. 1
    STDs
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    First things first. Chances are, you've slept with your partner after their infidelity. You have no idea how long it went on, and you certainly didn't catch your partner the first time. Get yourself checked out for STDs. Do not count on them to do it. Do not count on them to tell you the truth - whether or not they used protection. You've already proven your partner is a liar.
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  2. 2
    Whew - dodged that bullet
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    If you do not know your partner well because it's the beginning of the relationship, it's probably not worth the risk of continuing a with someone who's already broken your trust.
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  3. 3
    Mistrust
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    If things have changed between the two of you, and you feel sure there will always be a sense of mistrust, dislike, and a fear - it will happen again.
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  4. 4
    Revenge
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    If you're considering revenge by doing the same harm to your partner, and if you continue to throw the betrayal in your partner's face, your partner will begin to mistrust you, believing you may cheat, just to get back at him/her. It is then you need to walk away. That is no way to live your life.
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  5. 5
    What
    ?
    If you realize your partner's reason for cheating does not make sense, it may be time to move on.
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  6. 6
    If he or she acted out of selfishness by only thinking of his or her own needs and ignoring yours, then you may need to leave the relationship for good
    .
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  7. 7
    Habitual cheater
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    There's a good chance your partner is a habitual cheater, the worst kind of cheater. This is not the kind of person you want to associate with, let alone be in a relationship. A habitual cheater will not only psychologically mess with your head, but often there's a communication breakdown between you and your family and friends. A habitual cheater will make you believe they are sorry, while continuing to be unfaithful. They feel no remorse. There is no stopping this kind of person, so the best thing you can do for yourself is to leave them.
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  8. 8
    Give up on the relationship if you feel as if your partner will not change his or her ways
    .
    This kind of pain is not worth going through, if there is no light at the end of the tunnel. The promise that things will get better in time is not enough. You will in your heart and by your partner's actions if they capable of change, for the changes will be evident by their actions, and their commitment to your relationship. If your partner begins to behave strangely, similar to the way he or she behaved when cheating on you, it's a good bet they are either reconnecting with their previous lover, or they've found a new one.
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How Cheaters Psychologically Mess With Your Head

Some people thrive on the weaknesses of others, and they may even get a thrill out of taking advantage of that weakness. After learning of their partner's infidelity, a lot of people will just break up, but there are others who are easily trapped and taken in by their partners' lies. Their partner may know how to play with their minds through an effective, decisive approach of deception. How do you know if your partner is messing with you, psychologically? Below are some of the techniques that manipulative men and women employ to exploit the people they are in a relationship with.

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  1. 1
    Suave and charm strategy
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    Argue.jpg
    Your friend tells you about your partner cheating. When you get home, you confront him or her. Since you are very angry and deeply hurt, it is difficult for you to control your emotions. While confronting him or her, you've lost your composure. You are shouting and out of control. You are expecting your partner to be scared and show remorse. On the contrary, he or she stays calm and listens to you attentively. When it is time to explain his or her side, your partner remains cool and soft-spoken. He or she will sit and watch, waiting for the moment you realize that everything they are saying is lies. Then, they simply divert the topic by changing the subject. He or she will look at you affectionately and gently stroke your hair or your arms. They will start with small kisses, murmuring sweet things in your ear. They are trying to mesmerize you, trying to get you to think about something else. They are doing everything they can to make sure you aren't focused on their betrayal.
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  2. 2
    Beating around the bush
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    When you ask a candid question, you are expecting, or at least hoping for, a straight answer. Instead, he or she just gives you an indirect and senseless answer or brings up another topic. He or she may even start saying nice things to you, so that you will forget about the problems -- things like, "You look so gorgeous today," and, "I am so lucky to be with you," etc., until you just let it go.
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  3. 3
    Evasive
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    Couple-arguing-at-kitchen-table.jpg
    When you ask your partner where they've been, usually he or she will give you broad answers, perhaps tell a story about a friend, talk about the present economic situation, or about that movie you recently watched. He or she may talk about anything, except for what you want to know.
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  4. 4
    Point the finger at somebody
    .
    When you accuse him or her of wrongdoings, your partner may indirectly admit his fault. Expect to hear this kind of reasoning: "I am not perfect, I am just a human and as a human, I have flaws." And then he or she may tell you about a friend who committed the same wrongdoing, but his friend's spouse or partner did not mind at all because it is just normal. At this moment, he is trying to convince you to accept his or her flaws, just like he or she accepts your flaws, even if yours are not nearly so serious. Once you are totally convinced, your partner will likely continue to do whatever he or she wants, regardless of how you feel about it, you are free to leave.
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  5. 5
    Playing on your feelings
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    "I love you. You know me better than that." Your partner may turn it around and question your love and your loyalty to him or her by your accusation.
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  6. 6
    Alternative facts
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    Perhaps several of your friends caught your partner cheating, and you confront him or her about it, he or she may try to defend himself or herself by telling you that those are lies -- that your friends do not like him or her and are trying to get rid of him or her by fabricating vicious stories.
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  7. 7
    Shallow promises
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    Your partner may start trying to manipulate you by talking about his or her undying love, reminding you of your promises to stick together and not to break each other's hearts, and saying that you need to be more trusting and loyal.
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  8. 8
    It's your fault
    .
    The passive aggressive partner will make his or her infidelity your fault. Do not fall for any of these. Your partner needs to take responsibility for his or her actions. Period  
    1. You don't want to have sex enough, and I have desires.
    2. You're always busy.
    3. You don't show me enough attention.
    4. You didn't want to move in with me. You don't love me.
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Questions and Answers

He told me he cheated on me, and feels sorry for what he did. He said he can't promise anything, yet he'll do everything not to disappoint me ever again.

Should I take him back and forgive him? I have tried: I tried to reassess everything, I think it was caused by: He told me its because we're lacking the time and communication, which made our relationship idle.

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No. I don't think you should take him back and forgive him. If this man promised you on the grave of his mother he's a changed man, and he'll never ever do it again, I'd suggest you be cautious. He's already lied. Your man isn't even saying that. He's saying he can't promise. Leave. Everyone deserves to be loved - properly. This man does not know how to do that. I suggest you find someone who treats you well, otherwise, stay single for now. It's better to be loved and alone, than with someone who cheats on you - and seems unrepentant. This man has NOT changed.

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If you have problems with any of the steps in this article, please ask a question for more help, or post in the comments section below.

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Categories : Relationships

Recent edits by: Nuance, Inukshuk, sheryl hernandez

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