Deal with a Possessive Boyfriend

Edited by Olivia, Anonymous, Eng, Lynn and 2 others

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To possess is to own. When you bought an object, you naturally become the owner of that object. When you love something so much, you want to see it every day, and hold and put it by your side every minute of the day. This kind of love is difficult when applied to human beings. It is constricting and restrictive. What to do if you are in such a relationship with a guy?

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What are the signs that you have a possessive boyfriend?

  1. 1
    He needs to know your whereabouts.
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    During the earlier part of the relationship, you may be overwhelmed by your feelings of affection and love, so much so that you see his consistent SMS and calls as thoughtfulness. After some time, you will notice that even after months of maintaining the relationship with him, he seems to be the same. You may even notice that he gets angry when you don't tell him where you're going and what you're doing all the time. He's always there when you need him, and also when you just want to be alone and do stuff on your own.
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  2. 2
    He gets extremely jealous of almost everyone you know.
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    At some point in the relationship, your boyfriend will get jealous from other guys who try to get close to you. However, if your boyfriend is possessive, he may get jealous of almost everyone, including the time you spend with friends, whether male or female. He may always try to find a way for you not to go with them, like setting an out-of-town trip or saying he needs your company to do something important.
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  3. 3
    He decides on practically everything.
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    He may try to take over your life. He can drive you to work, pick you up religiously, cook for you and decide what clothes you should wear for the day. This behavior starts slowly and you can become accustomed to it, so that you don't notice it at all. It may, at first, seem to be a refreshing change for you, especially if you are an extremely busy person. In the long run, however, it will make you feel restrained.
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How to deal with it?

  1. 1
    Address the behavior.
    Ask the reasons why your boyfriend is doing all these things. After he states all the reasons, appreciate it and recognize them as helpful. However, state the reasons why you would want him to do otherwise. Make a list of reasons why it is better for him to stop what he is doing. Include in your reasons that it makes you feel controlled and unhappy.
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  2. 2
    Assure him of your feelings for him.
    Possessive people have intrinsic reasons for being so. Find out why. It may be rooted in a past relationship where he had been so trusting and relaxed that he did not notice his partner was falling for someone else. It may also be caused by his losing a significant person in his life through death or other uncontrollable means. He therefore becomes possessive, thinking that if he knows where you are and what you're doing, he can control you and will not lose you.
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  3. 3
    Set a specific time for you to be alone to do your stuff.
    Make him understand that every individual needs to be alone to do what they need to do for themselves. Set concrete examples of couples you both know that have successful loving relationships without the controlling behavior.
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Bear in mind that for trees to grow and bear fruit, they should be planted far apart from each other. If not, there would be no room to grow. The roots become entangled with the other trees, constricting the supply of nutrients, stunting its growth. It is the same with human beings. There should be ample time for lovers away from each other so they can grow and mature.

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Questions and Answers

How do I deal with a restrictive boyfriend who controls everything I do?

My boyfriend tells me what to do, how to dress and gives me curfews all in the name of protecting me but I am feeling smothered by his possessive, perfectionist ways.. I have tried: I have tried sneaking away from him to have fun every now and then.. I think it was caused by: He was raised by a very strict parents who believe the woman should be obedient to the man.

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There are couples where one person takes a dominant role and the other is submissive. Ultimate control over a person works both for males and females, and there are couples where a man has no right in the house because he has taken a submissive role. If you do nothing, you may lose a lot of your friends, your hobbies, and even a job sometimes. Follow the article advice. If it does not help, please realize that you can either live with it throughout your life with the hope that the reins will be loosened over time or start to search for a new partner who would treat you as equal. If his grip is really smothering to you, you can start mirroring your boyfriend's behavior to make him realize how hard it is for you. Do not let him go out alone, ask him to call you every 30 minutes, video-call him, demand him to explain where he has been if he is late, etc. If he does not realize that he is not being a lover but an owner sometimes, then you may wish to revise your relationship together by getting a relationship advice. You may also check if he really loves you by reading our article on how to tell if your husband hates you. This article is relevant for both husbands and boyfriends.

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Categories : Relationships

Recent edits by: Donna, Lynn, Eng

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