Deal with a Long Term Relationship Break Up
Edited by francesca gare, Graeme, Eng
Long term relationships are hardest to let go and when its time to put an end to it, it's usually devastating. It's hard to lose both the person you love and a part of yourself at the same time and it hurts because you've invested a lot of time and emotion in the relationship only to let it go. Break-ups hit hard after it sinks in, for some it feels like their whole world just shut down. There is a whirlwind of emotions that you suddenly feel all at once not allowing you to think straight or to act right.
We fail to realize that its probably the best thing we ever did for ourselves or for our partner. We get too attached to the relationship and too comfortable with each other that we don't see what's beyond "us" and that's what makes it hard to accept that the relationship we thought was a happily ever after ends up to be a disaster.
We must understand that there was life before the relationship and that there will be life after it. We do not really lose ourselves in the process of letting go instead we gain more from it after we have honed the experiences we've been through in that relationship. It can't, however we want it, to be done overnight it will take time to heal and accept then finally move forward.
After Break up Don't
- 1Don't blame yourself.We tend to question why the break up happened in the first place and then we blame ourselves why it ever did happen, however we must remember that the relationship will only work if both of you wanted it to and both of you are at fault. The gravity may differ but regardless of the reason why you broke up keep in mind that you each have your share of shortcomings.Advertisement
- 2Don't try to reach out or communicate.Trying to stay in contact with each other will not help ease the process and will definitely not get everything back the way it was. Yes, you will for sometime miss the comfort of each others company and hearing them on the other end of the line can be soothing but it will only last for that moment and may give either one of you false hopes.Advertisement
- 3Don't stay friends.I remember a friend telling me once "if you and your ex are still friends, it can either mean that you never really loved each other or you still do" if you ask me I never really tried to find out which is which and just dropped out on being friends. Its nice if it was the later but there's a big "what if" at the back of your mind. It can be harsh to say that friendship cannot be offered but it's necessary for you to be able to let go. The truth is, the only reason why we seek friendship after the break up is so we can still be in their lives and try to fix what we know cannot be fixed.
- 4Don't look for a fall back guy/girl.If you jump from one relationship to another and at a very fast pace it will not give you the time you need to reconstruct yourself, either the new relationship won't last and you end up hurting someone else or worse you end up hurting yourself more. If your still hung up on your previous relationship starting something new abruptly won't erase the hurt your feeling, it may mask the pain but it won't take it away.
After Break up Do's
- 1Do embrace the hurt.By grieving the end of your relationship you will be able to feel the pain that you should be feeling and be okay about it, because you know that eventually it will get better. Cry if you have to, if it means that you need to bother your friends or your family day and night then do it, don't be afraid to pour your heart out and embrace the pain in this process you will learn and you will grow.Advertisement
- 2Do put away the things that constantly reminds you of your ex.If that teddy bear on your bed is a gift from your ex and it reminds you of how you were and makes you lash out in tears then put it away. Remove everything that will remind you of the person and the hurt you are now feeling, if it means throwing it away then do it. Don't linger on what have been, instead think about it as a lesson worth learning and look forward to the future, make space for new things in your life now.
- 3Do connect with your family and friends.You only broke up with one person and not the entire population of your social life. You shouldn't shun your self from the world instead you should continue living your life with the world. Your friends will keep you sane at the same time it will help ease the depression. Both your family and friends will provide the support you need and help encourage you to be strong. They accept your vulnerability and will provide comfort. They will guide you and help reach your goals to move on and let go.
- 4Do activities you enjoy or try out new things.Incorporating new activities in your daily routine which you enjoy will keep you busy and prevent you from over thinking the current situation and thus will eventually help move you forward. Trying out things you weren't able to do before will allow you to gain control of your identity once again and you will get to experience yourself anew.
- 5Do love yourself.Since you've been entirely occupied loving your ex, and thinking about the love you've suddenly lost you tend to forget yourself. Try to fall in love with you again. Get to know the new you and reconnect with the old you. Go out with yourself, doesn't mean your lonely if you are alone. It sometimes pays to give attention to yourself by doing so you will end up loving you and you will be ready to start a new relationship and probably love someone again.Advertisement
- If you have problems with any of these steps, ask a question for more help, or post in the comments section below.
Categories : Relationships
Recent edits by: Graeme, francesca gare