Date a Cougar and Survive

Edited by Donna, Maria, Eng

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The Benefits of Dating An Older Woman

Dating a cougar can be tricky but rewarding.

Canadian author Valerie Gibson coined the term "cougar", which is slang to describe an older woman "on the prowl", in 2001. Gibson wrote a book called Cougar: A Guide or Older Women Dating Younger Men that instructed older women on how to have romantic and sexual encounters with much younger men. The thinking behind this is that it older women are much more compatible romantically with younger men and vice versa because:

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  • Older women are usually quite independent emotionally and require no commitment from younger men who may not have the resources to commit to a life long partner
  • Both age groups benefit physically from having a lot of non-committal sex as a woman's sex drive gets stronger as she ages and a man's sex drive get weaker
  • Older women often have husbands or boyfriends that are having affairs or who are incapable sexually, so the younger man can easily fill some of her physical needs for her
  • Older women are often financially stable and can pay for things that younger women cannot
  • For the most part older women tend to be less jealous of other women because they do not have that primal urge to have a child with you
  • A cougar can teach you techniques for making love that a younger woman can't because she is more experienced
  • A cougar will sometimes want to show you off as a "trophy boyfriend", which can be quite flattering for the male ego
  • An affair with an older woman can also benefit your career or socially as she can usually introduce you to new profitable connections

May-December relationships can be a challenge for a young man, especially if you have never entered into this territory before. If you are thinking of dating a cougar, you may need some advice as to how to navigate what can sometimes be an educational and enriching romantic experience.

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Where to Meet a Cougar

Cougars like to go to art openings.


That older woman that you are attracted to may not necessarily be single, so your challenge as a younger lover is to find out if she has a boyfriend or husband. Even if she tells you that she hardly ever sees her boyfriend or that her husband has given her permission to take on a lover, you are still taking the risk that your affair with her could make him angry. This is why it is best to limit your search for love with a cougar to situations where she is more likely to be available.

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The best ways to meet a cougar are:

  1. 1
    By joining online dating sites that specialize in linking up young women with older men such as CougarLife and Cougared, because you know that the women on the site will be prequalified as cougars
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  2. 2
    By frequenting clubs and bars that are known as pick-up spots for sexual encounters, because this is where you are most likely to find women for no-strings-attached sex
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  3. 3
    By socializing at the openings of restaurants, art galleries, and museums, where cougars conglomerate to get some culture and meet others
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  4. 4
    At charity balls and fundraising parties, where older women tend to get together to help the less fortunate
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  5. 5
    By joining a sightseeing or day tripping club, that takes you on short jaunts to places like Niagara Falls or a local museum
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  6. 6
    By going on a holiday to a hotter vacation destination such as Cuba or Mexico and relaxing by the pool
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  7. 7
    By joining a high-end gym and simply hanging out in the work-out rooms or the lounges
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  8. 8
    By attending conventions and fairs that interest old women such as Food and Wine festivals, psychic fairs and New Age expositions
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How to Spot A Cougar

Cougars are often older an dressed provocatively.

When hunting for a cougar, you might want to note that many of them share these common characteristics:

  1. 1
    Look for an older woman who is generally very well-dressed and often very provocatively dressed
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  2. 2
    They tend to hang out in packs of two to four ladies and quite often seem to be actually pointing to men in the room and gossiping around
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  3. 3
    If she is really looking to hook up with someone, she will be sitting alone at the bar, like she is waiting to meet you
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  4. 4
    A cougar is usually dressed their absolutely best at all times and looks especially sexy for her age
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  5. 5
    A cougar is not nervous at all about making eye contact you, turning or body towards you or even beckoning you directly over to her table
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  6. 6
    Sometimes a cougar will find you by buying you a drink or asking you to dance, in which case you should comply if you find her attractive
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How to Introduce Yourself to A Cougar And Ask Her Out

If she is alone and makes eye contact with you then feel free to introduce yourself.

Before introducing yourself to a cougar it is important to remember that these women are individuals, each with their own quirks and preferences in men and that there is no one perfect way to introduce yourself. However, here are some general rules for introducing yourself to a cougar.

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  1. 1
    Whatever you say, make it very light-hearted and look her directly in the eye
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  2. 2
    If she is alone, try a simple
    .
    "Are you waiting for someone? May I join you?"
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  3. 3
    If she is with a group of other cougars, approach the table and say
    .
    "This looks like a fun group! May I join you?
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  4. 4
    If she is playing a game, like bar trivia, sit beside her and join in the fun
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  5. 5
    To meet her you can offer to buy her a drink
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  6. 6
    You can also meet a cougar by offering to take her coat or by pulling out her chair and then sitting beside her
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  7. 7
    Cougars also respond to having a drink sent to her table, in which case you may be invited to join in her
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  8. 8
    If your cougar is having fun on the dance floor, then do not hesitate to show off your moves to her
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  9. 9
    If you are poolside, offer her a service like massaging her shoulders or teaching her how to dive
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  10. 10
    When it conversation with her, be aware that she wants you to keep it flirtatious and stay away from discussing politics, religion or any other topics that are contentious
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  11. 11
    Flatter her by making all of the conversation about her, as best you can and avoid talking about yourself
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  12. 12
    If she makes cultural references or uses language that you don't quite get because she is so much older than you, then it is best not to make too big of a deal of it
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  13. 13
    Be sure to compliment her a great deal during any conversation, but not just on her looks, but also on her achievements, good taste or conversation
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  14. 14
    If you see her trying to catch a taxi alone, offer to give her drive home or share a taxi with her
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How to Take a Cougar on A Date

Try to take her to a dark, quiet place where conversation is possible.


Dates are mostly required of cougars that you meet online when it comes time to meet you in person. Otherwise, any cougars that you meet in person will simply go home with you on the evening that you meet them, but in case you meet a cougar who likes to go out on a date or two first, try the following:

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  1. 1
    Make sure you are perfectly groomed and dressed as sexy as possible, even if the date is quite casual
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  2. 2
    Mind your manners at all times, pulling out her chair for her and taking her coat
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  3. 3
    Wear a slight touch of very expensive men's cologne and she will be impressed by your good taste and sophistication
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  4. 4
    Meeting at a nice bar that also serves aphrodisiacs, like oysters, is always a good idea (but make sure she is not allergic to seafood first.)
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  5. 5
    Take her to an exhibition or art opening in an area of town where you are less likely to run into your friends, who may distract the two of you from having a conversation
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  6. 6
    Try to choose a place that has a more mature, romantic setting, such as an outdoor patio with a view of a sunset or a dark lounge with candlelit lighting (as an older woman find darker lighting flattering.)
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  7. 7
    It is okay to take charge a bit, by ordering for her, especially if you really do know what the best things are on the menu
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  8. 8
    While eating together, be sure to mind your table manners, as she will be watching for that
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  9. 9
    It is fine to establish some physical contact with her, like stroking her hand or stroking her knee or cradling her back with your hand if you are walking together
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How to Emotionally Cope With A Cougar

Yassora Eng How to Emotionally Cope With A Cougar 54851.jpg


Cougars may not behave in the same predictable ways that younger women do as they do not need men financially, want a marriage or child and they have no need to put them on a pedestal as readily as younger women do.

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  1. 1
    Note that if you approach a cougar or group of cougars, that there is no shame in it and that it would be a mistake to take it personally, especially if you were not sure if they were married or attached women in the first place
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  2. 2
    Some cougars absolutely prefer a no-strings-attached one night stand and do not even want to know your name
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  3. 3
    If you meet a cougar online and she shows up looking nothing like her photo or has not described herself or her marital status accurately, then you can gracefully back out by telling her that it is not working out
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  4. 4
    Many cougars want a young guy that will go on short romantic trips with so be willing to whisk her away at a moment's notice to a bed and breakfast or a beach
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  5. 5
    Cougars can seem very controlling and fussy, compared to docile younger women, and will not stick around on any date that seems less than satisfactory.
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  6. 6
    Some cougars will make you the butt of some light joking, and call you the "boy toy" or the "pool boy", but mostly they mean it kindly
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  7. 7
    Do not be insulted if a cougar rolls her eyes at you when you try to pay for things, although secretly she will be charmed if you try
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  8. 8
    Never ever give a cougar a backward compliment such as, "Wow, you look really good for your age," or she will likely be offended
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  9. 9
    It might feel a bit weird to be treated like a trophy but don't be surprised if she wants to take you out and show you off to her friends
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  10. 10
    If she is critical of you or if you get bored with her then you must never ever treat her like a mother or she will be so turned off she will never see you again
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  11. 11
    Although it seems unfair, a cougar sees a younger boyfriend as someone who can be a bit of a handyman or drive her around, in which case, you better comply if you want to keep seeing her
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  12. 12
    An insecure cougar, who is jealous of the younger women in your life, may be best to let go early on in the relationship as she could make it hard for you to move forward in life
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  13. 13
    A cougar who buys you gifts, especially clothes, is not trying to baby you as most older women genuinely enjoy shopping for their younger boyfriends and pampering them
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Tips and Tricks

Getting a job with a caterer that attends to fancy events can help you meet cougars.


  • Clubs and bars where older women hang out to pick up young men are sometimes called "cougar dens."
  • If you do not have the money to attend charity balls or go to expensive bars, you can get a job as a server or attendant that works parties and meet cougars that way
  • If you are not sure whether or not a cougar is single, you can approach her, but realize that you take your chances if she is attached or finds you to be too young
  • Be aware that many cougars post photos of themselves that have been altered or that are much older, so try not to be too disappointed if she does not look anything like her profile picture on social media
  • Note that the point of having a first date with a cougar is always going to be to engage in some conversation so do not take her somewhere too loud and rowdy like a sports bar or comedy club

If you have problems with any of the steps in this article, please ask a question for more help, or post in the comments section below.

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Article Info

Categories : Relationships

Recent edits by: Maria, Donna

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