Cope Living with in-Laws

Edited by Maria Sharon Ubando, Eng, Lynn, Christine dela Cruz and 1 other

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Marrying is the first step in building your own dream family - usually a husband, a wife and children. But this is not always the case. There are some married couples who need to live with their in-laws, and when you do, you don't only marry your spouse but the whole family as well. This is one of the biggest challenges in a married couple's life and, admit it or not, it has become one of the foremost marital problems in many societies. But despite all the challenges that go with living with in-laws, why are there still a lot of couples living with their parents? Some of the reasons include: Home renovations, loss of job by one or both parties, or childcare support. If you are in one of these scenarios (whether you like it or not), or a similar situation, there are some ways you can learn to enjoy living with your in-laws. You don't want your relationship with your husband or your in-laws to turn sour, right? So, read more and you will find that living with them does not have to be bad at all.

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Steps on How You Could Live Harmoniously with Your In-Laws

  1. 1
    Lend a hand.
    When you have to live with your in-laws, remember that you aren't staying there as guests. If there is no way you will be of help financially, at least contribute to the household chores. Clean the house, weed the garden, do the laundry or prepare meals; these are just a few of the things you can do to avoid any resentment toward you from your in-laws' side.
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  2. 2
    Follow their rules.
    Always respect and follow the rules in your in-laws' house, even if sometimes they aren't making sense anymore. You should continue putting up with their rules just as long as it is not affecting your role as a spouse or as a parent to your children.
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  3. 3
    Know where you stand.
    It is true that you are a newer member of your spouse's family, and as such, you should remind yourself that you do not have the right to act as if you have known them all forever. Don't act bossy even if you are bringing money into the household.
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  4. 4
    Set a time limit.
    Even if your in-laws accepted you with open arms, you should still be decent enough to present an exit strategy. You just can't live with them all your life or until your newly born baby finishes college. There should be a timeline for your moving out, and in order to achieve this, you and your spouse should work it out together.
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  5. 5
    Tactful Criticism.
    There is not any perfect family. As days go by, you will see a lot of bad things or characteristics about your in-laws. Be careful with how you give out your criticism about your spouse's family. Criticizing his or her family, or the environment in which he was raised, indirectly criticizes him too. You do not want to cause any conflict between you two.
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  6. 6
    Always show gratitude.
    Never fail to thank them for letting you stay with them. You may want to buy them simple presents to show your gratitude. They may not seem that nice to you sometimes, but think of the big favor they have given you and your family.
    Sharry simplegifts.jpg
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The most important of all, is that you should not let the setup ruin your marriage. Resolve conflicts immediately and promise each other that you will work hard together, so you can soon move out to your own home.

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Common Sources of Conflict between In-Laws

  1. 1
    Differences in values.
    When there are huge differences in values, clashes between in-laws is possible. This is because what may be important to the other party, may not be important to another. The behavior that occurs because of these important things will not be understood by the other party.
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  2. 2
    Differences in culture.
    Culture dictates a lot how a person would actually behave, not just individually, but also in the presence of other people. Family is a very tight-knit unit and it's very easy to see if certain behaviors are not perceived as normal. In due time, these differences in behavior can create conflicts.
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  3. 3
    More often than not, this is about the feeling of your loved one starting to love another person. It used to be just you in the family and suddenly, there is this other family that is considered an immediate family as well. This can easily bring jealousy because love has to be given to two different families and it also requires division of time. Jealousy breeds dislike and this is the reason why the in-laws seem to be doing wrong things all the time.
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  4. 4
    Sense of discipline.
    This is one of the top causes of conflicts between in-laws, especially when it comes to kids. The two families may have a different concept of discipline and this becomes a huge problem when both want to simultaneously implement their own concepts of discipline. In the long run, it is the kid who suffers because he gets confused on who to follow and he sees his relatives fighting over something.
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Referencing this Article

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APA (American Psychological Association)
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Chicago / Turabian "Cope Living with in-Laws." Accessed Mar 23, 2017.

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Categories : Family

Recent edits by: Christine dela Cruz, Lynn, Eng

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