Compose a Suitable Message for Your Girlfriend if You Find Out She Has Been Cheating

Edited by Karmeli B. Caldez, Anonymous, Eng, Lynn and 19 others

A break-up letter that went viral over the internet

It is not true that only men "play around" in relationships. So how do you tell your girlfriend that you've been spying on her, or accidentally saw her at a nearby diner, and found out she's cheating on you? This article will teach you how to write a message for your partner without being accusatory, cold or offensive.

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Contents
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First Things First

Now, to start with, you should set the tone for how you want to convey the message. Before you say anything you might regret later, or have it appear as if you're accusing her of a crime she never committed, assess your current feelings toward the situation. Of course, you're mad but that is why it is best to think things through before talking to your girlfriend or sending her a message - because people often say things they don't really mean when they're mad. There are several things you might want to consider to address the problem.

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What Do You Want To Do?

  1. 1
    Break up.
    If you are ready to move on and leave your cheating girlfriend, then so be it. There is no point in staying in a relationship if you can't accept her mistakes and forgive her. If you know that from that moment on, you will start being the paranoid boyfriend and will never be able to forget what she did, then leave. That will be favorable for the both of you.
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  2. 2
    Ask, forgive and forget.
    This is when you ask her about it, trying to find out what really happened. Beware, though, that this will give her the opportunity to lie about it. She knows you're giving her the benefit of the doubt, and she could end up leaving details out due to her shame. It is also possible that she will tell you the truth and ask you to forgive and not leave her. If you trust her fully and you know deep down inside that it was just a "moment of weakness," that it will pass, and you can still have your happily-ever-after, this is what you should consider.
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  3. 3
    Talk about it and think about it.
    Unlike what's stated above, where you've already convinced yourself that you will stick with your partner, no matter what happens, this optional solution will tell you that you have to hear things out first before you make any drastic move. Many would consider this, especially those who believe that "there's more to what your eyes can see." Now, the decision to stay or go will depend on your assessment in the situation. Perhaps what you thought you saw has an innocent explanation and nothing happened between your girlfriend and another guy.
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  4. 4
    Negotiate.
    This is when you are 101 percent sure she is cheating on you and she does not deny it, but does not want to break up with you. This is when you need to lay your cards on the table. You can tell her what you want her to do, and if she fails or does not agree to your terms, then there will be nothing more to talk about. Is this possible? Yes! Many girls who cheat "to explore their options" are still in love with their partners, and will do anything to save the relationship. This is when you can tell her to stop all communication with the other guy or be a home-office-home kind of girl; anything goes.
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  5. 5
    Let her make the choice.
    This is a way to at least be the "gentleman" and let her decide what she wants to do to solve the problem. This will be good if you want her to break up with you instead of you dumping her. She may also say that she wants to stay with you and is willing to cut all ties with the other guy and stay loyal from then on.
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Who Are You?

  1. 1
    Cool Guy.
    Cool guy.JPG
    If you want to be the one to play it cool, tell her exactly how you found out she's cheating on you and be the one who breaks up the relationship. Wish her luck, happiness, or whatever positive things you can think of. After all, she was once a good part of your life, and you once shared something special. Make it a point that you don't sound bitter at all and that you respect that she wants to see another guy and you're doing this because you want her to be happy.
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  2. 2
    Clingy.
    Clingy.JPG
    Yes, behind that macho facade is a guy who doesn't want to be left behind. Beware,this could also be the very reason why she was looking for a "side-show" in the first place. Putting the reasons aside, messaging her in a clingy way will show that you're ready to forgive her even before she says she's sorry.
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  3. 3
    I-Know-What-You-Did-Last-Summer.
    Caught.jpg
    There are men who will still use the "is-there-anything-you-want-to-tell-me" tactic when trying to find out the facts. Sometimes, they act as if it was a normal conversation at first and then all the dirty details come out later. It can be kind of frustrating for anyone, actually, especially when you think you're on to something, but she won't admit it because it would be too painful for both of you to even think about it.
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What Your Message Should Say

Now if you're sure of what you want to do, then it's time to send her that message. So how do you tell her that you know what she's been doing lately?

  1. 1
    Have your evidence on hand - a photo of them together, a man's cologne on her clothes that isn't yours, a screenshot of their sweet messages on Facebook, or a forwarded text from her saying she's cheating on you.
    Anything will do, as long as you have actual proof that she's doing something wrong. Otherwise, you'll just appear to be a possessive boyfriend who never gave her the trust she deserves.
    Meme caught cheating 95272.jpg
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  2. 2
    Give her a chance to explain.
    There's always two sides to every story. You may have seen her kissing another guy, but it could be that the guy forced a kiss on her. Maybe she slapped him seconds later, but you didn't see that because you turned your back too soon. Or it could be that another person was using her phone and that's what you saw when you checked it earlier. By all means, you should give her a chance to set the facts straight and explain things from her side. Remember, if it was you, you wouldn't want to be left with so many things to say, but you were never given the chance.
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  3. 3
    Know her reasons.
    Cheating is one of the things that hurts a person the most, and knowing why is something he or she might not really care about. If she admits she's doing it, ask her why. Fooling around is not always the case in relationship issues like this. It could be because of lack of passion, incompatibility, not spending time together anymore or maybe boredom. It could have been brought about by your shortcomings, but she never had the courage to tell you what she was feeling, and instead she wandered around looking for someone who could fulfill the emptiness in the relationship, thinking it wouldn't hurt if you didn't find out. Besides, knowing her reasons could help you see the warning signs later if you choose to stay with her, or even if you find a new partner. At least now you know what to do and what not to do.
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  4. 4
    Tell her how you feel about it.
    It's never wrong to tell her you are hurt. It is better if she knows you're not Mr. No-Feelings. It is about time that a man is willing to tell a girl that he has feelings too, and that he really will feel hurt if the woman he is genuinely in love with breaks his heart. Tell her what you think and what you believe would be best for you both. Consider her feelings, as well as your own, if you break up, or if you ask her to stay.
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  5. 5
    Try to compromise.
    If you think it's only right to give your love story a second chance, then compromise. Promise her you'll spend more time with her than with your drinking buddies, or that you'll try to love her hobby just so you'll have something in common. However, she also has to do her share and leave the other guy to save the relationship. Trust cannot be earned in a snap, but you should try if you had a great start and you believe this is just a small bump in the road. If she's really sorry and would like to compromise, then you have to meet her halfway.
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  6. 6
    Leave your bitterness behind.
    Being cheated on is not a joke, and bitterness and sarcasm are sometimes the easiest way to let the pain out. Still, if you want to end the relationship, do it nicely. Do not make bitter remarks or leave follow-up messages like, "You're not going to be happy with him, you know?", "He's never going to be able to stand someone like you!", or, "I hope you live a happy life with that good-for-nothing slave of yours." If you want her to feel bad for betraying your trust, this is not the way to do it. Instead, try saying, "I thought we were happy. Too bad it was not that way for the both of us. I hope you find your happiness this time. See you around!" That is a better goodbye message.
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Tips

  1. 1
    It is still better to talk in person.
    Rather than just texting, or even calling, say, "I'd like to talk to you about this in person. Shall I come over?" or something like that. That way, you can assess her body language and expressions during the conversation.
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  2. 2
    If you ask her to explain, do not dismiss her answers or accuse her of lying.
    Instead, use it to weigh the truth of what you know compared to what she tells you.
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  3. 3
    Don't write your message right after you catch her.
    Take a walk and calm yourself down. That way, you won't say anything that you will regret.
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  4. 4
    Be mature.
    Your girlfriend could either tell you she's innocent, admit it, or put the blame on you. You have to collect your thoughts before you input your next reply, and be mature enough to accept that not everything that transpires will be according to what you have imagined. Just be ready for anything.
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Questions and Answers

Compose an article about your girlfriend?

I am not sure why it is that you would like for me to compose an article about my girlfriend, but if you have any questions pertaining to a special situation you can in fact ask here for an answer or advice.

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See more questions like this: MY GIRLFRIEND LEFT ME & I WANT TO CONTINUE THE FRIENDSHIP WITH HER...WHAT SHOULD I WRITE TO HER

A message to text your girlfriend to prove that she's not fooling when she says she loves you?

I have used this trick on one of my girlfriends in the past to ensure that she was not lying or fooling me when she claimed that she loved me at that time. If she loves you then this means that she will have no problem letting a person know that she loves you so use this trick below:

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-Have one of your close friends beside you

-Send a text acting like your friend asking "Hi, do you love my buddy (your name)

-She will probably reply asking why is he texting from your phone or where you are so simply reply that "he (you) is in the bathroom and I just want to know if you do cause he is crazy about you"

-Here she will either say that she does or say no which is not an expression of true love

Also it is important that you really have you friend near cause she might call which can validate that he is using your phone which will cause her to yet again have to answer the question about if she loves you or not.

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See more questions like this: A messages that I will send to my girlfriend, when chatting with her to proved her I really love her?

Got my girl cheating and is disturbing me, what do I do?

Got her cheating, she has apologized. I need to let her know I am mad for her actions

Sit her down and explain to her that you accept her apology, however your feelings are still raw with hurt and it will take a while to fully be yourself again. If she really wants your relationship to work, she will be understanding.

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See more questions like this: How to win my girlfriend's heart totally?

How can I start it, I accused her that she stole my money?

Need to know what should be included in the message and how to start it and whether to know that I am sorry

Apologize for not trusting her. Accusing someone who is innocent is always a complete destruction of trust. Let her know that you want to rebuild the trust between you two.

How can I make her realize that she did wrong to me?

Once I asked her to help me, but she refused me, not only refused but she was the one because of her I did not get a job. I respect her and when I see her I get a little bit nervous and she think that I am not a confident person and she thinks that I am a foolish.

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Actions speak louder than words. Portray the air of confidence through your body language when she is around. Maintain eye contact when you are speaking to her and stand or sit with your back straight. Eventually you will actually begin to feel confident around her.

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Girlfriend cheated and with other guy?

My girlfriend cheated on me and she is with the other guy whom I know very well. Now they are in some trouble and she is asking me to help her and her boy to get out of that trouble. Before she was not speaking to me and now for help she is trying to message me all the time. What should I do ? should I help them or just fire them ?

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Unless you and you ex girlfriend have children together, there is no obligation to help with her situation. You could be a really super nice, generous guy and help them but be warned that you will not get her back by doing this. If you are not going to help, block her phone number in your contacts and remove her from your social media accounts. Classify her emails as spam so that you never have to see an email from her again.

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See more questions like this: She cheated on me , and I dumped her 4 times but she keep coming? What should I do?

My girlfriend disappointed me, I want to be with her forever?

She is beautiful and good looking

Sorry you were disappointed by your girlfriend, but if you want to be with her forever then you need to forgive her. Text her and inform her that you want to be with her forever no matter what.

What do I do to my girlfriend, she is cheating on me and tells me in front of my face?

She is cheating on me, I love her so much, she lies to me and go out with boys, I can't take it. She is doing it all in the name of money

If she has had numerous affairs and has not stopped, you need to end the relationship. It is apparent that she most likely not only does not respect you but herself as well. All though you may love her, she is not treating you in the manner that you deserve to be treated. There is no relationship without trust and you can not trust her.

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Is she a good friend of mine?

I keep on asking, she replies but she never asks anything

Perhaps she is shy. Maybe you have more feelings for her than she does for you. If she really is your good friend she will seek you out if she has not spoken to you in a while. Take a step back and wait for her to initiate the next contact between you two. Either she will miss you, or not contact you back at all. If she does not contact you back at all, then she was just being polite in her previous reply.

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3 times a male friend has called at late hours the story changed from childhood friend to male ex?

Aggressive denial to something I never accused her of 1 am 3 times.

Perhaps she is telling the truth. Maybe this person is a male friend who she has known since childhood and dated for a short time. Did she answer the phone call? If you feel that something is going on, ask for her phone details so that you can look for yourself. Do not give her any warning. Wait a bit until the initial drama has passed. Then out of the blue ask for her to hand over her phone and check the history. Explain to her that you are really trying to trust her.

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See more questions like this: Hi! My former girlfriend is not picking up the phone. When she calls, I am busy; but I want to talk with her.

How to deal with this situation?

My girlfriend keeps cheating on me but I don't want me to leave her.

If she is still cheating, why would you want to stay? She is obviously looking for more than you and not satisfied with something. Take some time apart and evaluate if you really need her in your life, because her cheating more than once will leave you feeling paranoid, angry and sad. No one wants to feel that way so why put yourself through all the pain.

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How to ask my boyfriend for feeding money?

My boyfriend is telling me to wait until he gets money and now I want him to send some money for my feeding

All you can do is ask if he can send any amount to you. Make sure to not have your request sound like a demand. If he can send something he will. Let him know that his response of yes or no will not change your relationship.

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See more questions like this: I told her I love her and she told me she has boyfriend and she was texting me till at the end asked me to stop texting her, only once a week?

How do I make her trust me as she finds out that I was cheating?

I have been dating a girl for 2 years and all of a sudden I came across this beautiful girl that caught up my eyes. I always get to have this feeling whenever I see this beautiful girl. I did approach her and here by the girl I have been dating for 2 years finds out .. I have tried: I tried to explain everything but I was not ready to just give up on this new girl. It seems like I am in love with both of them but I can surely tell I love this new girl more than the one I have been dating for 2 years. I think it was caused by: I logged on my Facebook without logging off, so she has been going through my stuffs on Facebook while I was chatting with this new girl. Then my 2 years girl that I have been dating sends me a message..

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You need to make a choice between both girls. It is not fair to either one of them to be playing both girls at the same time. You got caught and now it is time to decide if you and your girlfriend of two years can overcome this or if it is over because you broke her trust. The new girl may not want to be with you after the knowledge that you were in a committed relationship when you starting talking to her. You need to be honest with both girls and determine what is the best course of action.

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How can I know if my girlfriend is cheating on me, she lives somewhere other-side of my area and I always see her talking to other guys on her phone when she is around me?

I want to know why, because any time I ask about these guys she doesn't want to tell me about them.

Maybe she is just trying to make you jealous. She may just be speaking with a friend yet leading you on to gain more attention from you. If she is around you and talking on the phone to other guys, you should ask her why she is doing that as you deserve her undivided attention during your time together.

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She is going to meet a guy and being intimate with him will be part of it, I might know the place and time. what shall I do?

Hello, my girlfriend is going to meet a guy and being intimate with him will be part of it, I might know the place and timing. I don't know what's the best way to prevent it or should I? She went on a long term mission with an international organization. I guess she was disappointed with me that's why she opted for this job. There she met this guy. I've cracked their messages and within 3 days they are going to meet. I love her. I think I've failed her. She is seeing this guy as a possible boyfriend I think (though she of him as a possible boyfriend at best and as a means to pass the separation period and forget me.) I have to make difficult choices? What's the best option for me. She has told me she has to continue her job away from me, but she has her doubts and I've already expressed my readiness for changes and making our relationship better, apparently in vain?

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Be direct with her and let her know that you are aware of her plans and have seen her messages with the other person. You need her to tell you if your relationship is over or that she realizes she is making a mistake and will not meet the other person. Maybe all this person is just a replacement for you while you are away, however that is not a justifiable reason to do what she is doing. She needs to settle this with you before she leaves again so that there is resolution.

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I Don't Really Need Anything I'm Just Procrastinating Schoolwork?

I really don't need anything, but I have a lot of homework due tomorrow and at least three tests back to back to study for and I'm just looking for something to do.. I have tried: I've tried actually doing something. It didn't work.. I think it was caused by: I think this problem was caused by ADHD and distractions

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These articles are what you should be reading:

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You can still improve your grades for these exams and future exams. When someone has ADHD using a student planner and adhering to a schedule can greatly benefit their academic program. It is not easy to remain on task but you can do it.

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Sir, I want to give her my mobile number?

Because I like her very much but I don't know how to do this. I have tried: Nothing tried because its my first choice. I think it was caused by: I think that she will reject my proposal

There is nothing to be afraid of. Just walk up and start a conversation with her and at the end ask her for her phone number. You can also offer to give her your phone number. Ask Someone for a Date is a VisiHow article and you can take some of the suggestions to use when you ask for her phone number. The worst that can happen is the girl says no to giving out her phone number but if you are afraid of that you can also ask for her to add you to one of your social media accounts.

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My wife of 6 years had sex with another man?

How do I go about dealing with this without acting crazy. because I really want to act crazy ... I have tried: Nothing I've kept that I know to myself .. I think it was caused by: A lifestyle change that I almost had but decided not to for her .

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Move Forward After Infidelity is a VisiHow article you should read. You almost made a major lifestyle change and possibly shook the foundation of your marriage and her trust in you. Both of you need to sit down and talk to each other. It is probably time to suggest marital counseling and if you need to this would be the time to confront her about the cheating. Perhaps you are wrong in what you think happened but you should at least give her the courtesy of explaining the situation to you. If you are afraid of losing your temper, walk away and continue the conversation with an intermediary person/counselor. Clearly this marriage and the people in it have issues to resolve and you can't move forward personally or as a couple until you confront and resolve these issues.

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See more questions like this: HOW CAN I CONVINCE MY WIFE IF SHE'S FIND OUT AM A LIAR?

How to make her feel that I'm close to her?

My girlfriend is far from me so I want her to know that no matter how far I am, I still love her

When you are in a long distance relationship there are a few things you can do to make her feel special:

  1. 1
    Schedule regular FaceTime/Skype dates where you both make an effort to talk.
    Even if you Skype from your phone and both take a walk it can be special.
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  2. 2
    Find some games that you can play with each other online.
    Read Choose Best Mobile Apps to Play with Boyfriend Girlfriend which gives you some options to play online with her.
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  3. 3
    Make a point to send her messages throughout the day.
    Even just a simple Hello will tell her that you are thinking about her and love her. Write her a long email at least once a week or send her random thinking of you packages in the mail.
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I want to propose to a lady for some months now?

I really want to propose to a lady and I have been doing that for long and she have not given me an answer please I need the easy way to get her

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Recent edits by: Nicholas Disho, Doug Collins, ysoserious90

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