Be Sure He's Telling the Truth About Leaving His Girlfriend

Edited by Robbi, Eng, Lynn, Anonymous and 7 others

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Checking The Facts

Whenever you are interested in a guy who's already involved with someone else it can be a tough situation.

But if he really is already having problems with her, then there's no reason why you can't be with the boy you like, assuming he leaves his girlfriend before you get involved.

Obviously, it's important to make sure he's actually telling the truth about leaving her, or things could get unpleasant and complicated.

Steps to Check for the Truth in His Story

  1. 1
    Gage His Reactions.
    Look for signs regarding how he feels. For example, if he actually did leave his girlfriend, he probably has mixed emotions. On one hand, he might be sad, and on the other, he'll feel relieved. Guys should know they've done the right thing by leaving their girlfriends, before getting involved with someone new. If none of these signs are present, and instead he's acting guilty and awkward, changing the subject when you bring it up, this is a bad sign. A lot of hand waving and saying things like, "Oh yeah, I totally did it." And "Would you stop asking me, I already told you," can often mean they are just trying to keep you from talking about it.
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  2. 2
    Ask for details.
    Ask him exactly what happened. Obviously, this is going to be awkward, and it makes sense if he feels a little emotional about it and if he has a little trouble telling you about it in the beginning. But if he continues to avoid giving you details, or if he's constantly vague about it and won't describe the conversation, this is a sign that he may be lying. Some guys will try to avoid talking about the matter entirely if they are just lying about it, while other guys may not be lying, but don't want to talk about it anyway.
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  3. 3
    Check For Lying
     
    1. Look carefully for signs that he's lying when he does answer your questions.
    2. When you lie, adrenaline often floods into your system. This means that if the pitch of his voice goes higher, it's an indication that he may not be telling the truth.
    3. If he won't look you in the eye when he's telling you about it, this is also a bad sign.
    4. If he avoids talking about it, it's a bad sign. He shouldn't refuse to talk about it, and he shouldn't be evasive when talking about it. If he's lying to you, it will make him uncomfortable and he won't enjoy talking about it. Also ask yourself whether his story actually makes sense.
    5. Could you imagine him saying those things? Would his girlfriend say and do what he says she did? Does that match what you know about her? If he says things that are extremely unlikely and general, like she was totally okay with it, then this is also a sign that he may not have really left her.
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  4. 4
    Talk to The Ex
     
    1. Ask his ex-girlfriend directly if you really want to be sure. This isn't likely to be a pleasant conversation, but it is a sure-fire way to be sure he's not lying to you.
    2. If she has no idea what you're talking about, then this is a bad sign. But if she gets angry or even refuses to talk to you about it at all, it probably means that he really did break up with her. Bad blood always exists after breakups, especially if she suspects the reason why it happened was you.
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Questions and Answers

What are the signs he's lying about leaving girlfriend?

Here are some signs if a guy is lying about leaving his girlfriend.

  • If the guy is not looking at you (no eye contact), while he is telling the story about what happened with him and his girlfriend (ex-girlfriend).
  • If you notice him looking up, down, in any direction while he is telling you what happened between them.
  • If you can't feel any emotion from those words that he said.
  • If he doesn't want to talk about it.
  • Try to observe his gestures while having a good conversation, and change the topic and make him share again how he left his girlfriend (ex-girlfriend), and notice his gestures. Does he seem uncomfortable? Is he nervous and fidgety? These things may indicate he is lying.
  • Try to ask him any questions about what happened to them and why he left his girlfriend (ex-girlfriend), and a few weeks later, ask the same thing again to see if his answers are the same. If not, he's probably lying.
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The signs that he has not left his girlfriend are if he is in constant contact with her (phone, text, messaging), and also if he's actually around her physically. If he really left his girlfriend, he will avoid contact with her.

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Signs he is going to leave his girlfriend?

There is a difference between him showing signs of leaving his girlfriend or just saying things to make you believe he is leaving his girlfriend. The one way you can know for sure is if you see him leave his girlfriend.

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That will be the only way for you to know if he has left his girlfriend, because any other signs such as him spending more time with you, not answering her calls or not being with her as much, are just signs that maybe he will leave her.

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How do I know he will leave his girlfriend?

The only way to know if a guy will really leave his girlfriend is if he cuts all ties with her. He needs to have closure with his girlfriend by talking to her directly regarding his decision to break up with her. It's never easy to cut loose or separate from any relationship. There will always be setbacks or he might think twice about letting her go. The only way to know if he really is fully decided on breaking free from the relationship is by ending it the right way. This is the only way to start anew. Talking to her girlfriend in a respectful and honest manner is the only way to finalize the breakup. If everyone else in his family, and friends (including social media), knows they have separated, then it could definitely be for real. If he becomes more involved with you, and starts with an entirely new routine that includes you, then he has finally started a new chapter in his life that excludes his ex-girlfriend.

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This guy is an over-lapper. Insecure. He goes from one relationship to another, without much thought to the damage he's doing. What he's doing now, pretending to be together for her parents, sounds like he hasn't actually left her, but is waiting for your decision, so he can hop from one lily pad to another. The trust has already been breached if you feel you have to look on his phone. I think you deserve better.

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If I ask a question will it be published?

I need privacy. I don't want it published on a website. I'm in a situation that I've never been in before. I'm divorced and have been trying to date for the past three years

YES, it will be published, if you need privacy, post anonymously.

Why do I still want him after all we've been through?

Sorry for this being really long and please help me with all the issues. Thanks in advance. I met my ex boyfriend 4 years ago and we started dating in December of last year. He had just started dating a girl when we started talking seriously. When he broke up with her to be with me, I had him wait a couple of weeks before we started dating. He has liked me for a long time but I would never give him the time of day. When we started dating, things were fine. Fights here and there, but nothing major. Our fights would be over real quick because they really weren't important. So to get to my point - a new girl moves in during our winter break from school and she lives in the same neighborhood as him. I trusted him not to do anything. I met her and she gave me an attitude the first day I met her. In my mind, I already knew she was going to give me trouble because she knew I was the girlfriend. So, as time goes on, he tells me how she tried to kiss him, and kept telling him she loves him. So I have this sense that something is going on, and he isn't telling me. He knew I was upset about this, so he said he would stop talking to her - for me. When he told me he stopped, I said. "I couldn't care less that you told me, because you could be talking to her behind my back, and I wouldn't know it". He decided that meant it was okay to talk to her again. After a couple weeks, I took his phone to see if he was talking to her. When I went through his phone, I saw that he was talking to her - and then I saw these messages from 5 other girls - and he's talking to them too - a little too friendly. His sister told me that he's like that, but nothing serious. So this became a major argument that lead to us making a scene. We didn't break up because I didn't want to. He told me he stopped talking like that, so I let the issue go. As weeks go by I just can't let go of the girl in his neighborhood. I can't accuse him of cheating, because I wasn't there, in the neighborhood, when he was hanging out with her. He wouldn't tell me till I found out one day. We broke up because we went on another break. He needed to fix his anger, and I needed to work on some things myself. I told him "break", but my friend told him I was done with him, so he starts dating the girl from the neighborhood. I don't know when they started dating. We went on a break December 31 for a couple of days, which is their anniversary. He admitted after we'd broken up that he kissed her on New Years Eve. While he was dating her, he told me he didn't want to close the door on us, and to wait for him. So I told him I would wait, and it was okay for me to date other people, but I didn't want to. They broke up and he wants to work on things with me, He has always loved me, and regrets losing me. I don't know whether to get back with him or not. No matter what I do to try and stop, I always end up wanting him. They are still friends, and I can't do anything about it because I don't want to make him cut off a friend. Also, supposedly she's trying to fool her parents into thinking everything is okay with them.

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It is not unreasonable to ask him to end his friendship with this other girl. She came into your relationship with the intent to have him for herself - and eventually succeeded. She wants him to lie and say that they are still together to her parents, according to him. Why would he do that if he really wanted to be back together with you? Request that he cut all ties with this other girl before you commit to another relationship with him again. He already had issues talking to several other girls in the past, so make sure that you have a foundation of trust with him.

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Talking to a guy who is apparently taking a break from his girlfriend?

I started to talk to a guy and when we talked about dating he said that he and his girlfriend are currently on a break.

You can date him but be prepared for the possibility that he could mend things with his girlfriend and their break will be over. Also, it is common for a guy to use the break excuse as a reason to get a girl to cheat with him, meanwhile, he was never on a break with his girlfriend. If he is taking you out on dates close to his home, then most likely he is single at the moment, but if you end up three towns over for a date...assume he is still in his other relationship.

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How long should I wait for him to break up with his girlfriend before I give up and move on?

He said he was leaving his girlfriend two months ago, and still has not followed through on his promise. They are still living together while he still sees me. I have tried: I have tried giving him a deadline of one month, but he has missed two deadlines. I think it was caused by: He does not love her anymore. He loves me and wants to be with me now, but does not want to hurt her feelings or humiliate her publicly.

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If he has not left after two months, he is not going to leave until his girlfriend finds out about you and kicks him to the curb. Because he lives with the other girl a, month would be acceptable to find a new apartment, however two months and still no action puts you into the other woman category and I doubt you want to be the other woman. Also, can you ever really trust a guy that starts a relationship with you, while he is in a relationship with someone else?

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I'm dating a guy who told me he broke up with his girlfriend.

I dated this guy for almost two months now. Somehow I feel like he hasn't broke up with his girlfriend yet. He told me he seriously wants to be with me and he's already broken up with his ex, but his ex is still hanging on, and he needs to sort things out between him and her. He said the thing he really needs to sort out is; his ex wants to get married and have a family soon. So I'm confused; if he already broke up with his girlfriend, why does he need to get that sorted out? I have tried: I tried asking him if he really broke up with his girlfriend or not so many times. I think it was caused by: I think he wants to be with me, but doesn't want to leave his girlfriend yet

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He is making a major life decision - whether to get married to his ex or stay with you. Many times couples break up, and then realize it was a mistake, and this is what may be happening. It is hard to say if he even left his ex at all. When you jump into another relationship before your current one ends, there can be a lot of emotional confusion. You should step back from him and ask that he not contact you again until he makes his final decision. This way you can always be sure that he is 100% with you, and you are not an on the side piece of enjoyment for him.

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My boyfriend left me for his ex girlfriend.

Will my boyfriend ever come back to me? We have been together for a long time, but she was his high school girlfriend. He dated me for so long, it's just really hard losing someone you love to his ex, who cheated on him and finally decided to talk to him after 3 years. I have tried: I was just upset and mad at him. I kept questioning him why? And he said he loves her. I think it was caused by: Well I don't know, we were happy, but she started talking to him and yeah, he was drifting away from me and being so distant.

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Even if he wants to come back, do not take him back. This man was with you for three years and then began a relationship with his ex. This is a pattern for him. People can love someone else and be in another relationship. That love gets confused with the feelings for the new person but if there is any chance with the ex, those feelings surface with impact.

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My question is, why a guy who has been chasing me for 9 months still has not asked me out?

The Building Manager in my 400+ apartment complex has been pursuing me for 9 months now. He constantly does things to attract my attention like acting cute and talking with his crew right in front of my bedroom window where I can see him. He even drove his cart in front of my bedroom window at 8:30 am with a mischievous look on his face. I knew he had a crush on me the 4th time he came over to my apartment to fix something. All of a sudden, he became shy and unable to make eye contact with me. He is tall and handsome, but he is a blue-collar guy, while I have a college degree. I've had handsome well-educated admirers in the past, but I have to admit I am also attracted to the building manager because he looks like my former boyfriends. He is also somewhat stalking me. For some reason, he knows my schedule too well, and even if I change the time that I go for a walk around the complex before going to the gym, I usually run into him or find him waiting for me. Sometimes, he'll even wait for me outside in his go-cart, parked nearby, just to watch me walk back home. If I give him a wave and a smile, his face lights up. He has never asked me out, although I've made it clear that my male roommate of many years is just that, not a boyfriend. I drive an expensive German car, while my admirer rides a motorcycle to work, although he can afford a car. Also, I have nice clothes and jewelry, expensive furniture and have good taste. He has also noticed that other men are attracted to me because some of my male gym mates walk me home. However, I think he also is aware that I find him attractive. He'll blush when I catch him looking at me, and lower his eyes or bow his head. But lately he has been giving me lingering looks even in a crowd and he goes out of his way to be around me when he sees me at the Club House. He has never asked me personal questions, but listens in on my conversations with my roommate when he is in my apartment. I know he likes me a lot because when he sees me coming out of my apartment, he changes his cart's direction, so that he'll meet me as I walk around the complex. He came a month ago to help fix some of my furniture but refused any payment. I have tried to engage him in conversation, but he has stopped being chatty since he developed feelings for me. Last week, he was staring intently at me while I was walking in front of the Club House. When I thanked him for the good job he did with the internet cable, he came down and walked along side me. He'd never done that before. We talked, but I immediately turned the conversation about office matters so we didn't get anywhere. Now, I am wondering how a man could hold back for so long without confessing his feelings for me. There was a guy that my roommate introduced to me some 2 years ago, and he immediately asked me for a date, telling me that he was smitten with me at first sight. This has been going on for more than 9 months now with the building manager and it's getting frustrating. Could it be that he has a girlfriend or is it because he thinks he is inferior to me because of his line of work? Or is it because I am a tenant and he works in the building I live in? I suppose he could lose his job if management does not allow this sort of thing. But then, if this is the case, he should not have been aggressively pursuing me in the first place. He should have kept his crush on me a secret. He pursues, but will not ask me out. He does not have a car and drives a motorcycle to work, so this could be another reason. He hid this from me for months and even pretended that he lived in the complex since it's the norm for building managers to live in the complex. Last Friday, he chased after me with his cart when he saw me leaving my apartment but I refused to look at him and pretended to look at my text messages. He shows concern for me though, especially when I am go out of town. He'll ask me if I'm okay and he seems to miss me when I'm gone because the morning following my return, he'll be out near my bedroom window so I can see him. I go out of town maybe 6 times a year for more than a week each time and he does this each time. Should I just ignore him and forget about him? He's been on my mind for some time, and I'm sure he's been thinking of me, because he gives me a dreamy look when I smile and wave at him. Thanks for any help you may give me.

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If you are really interested in him, ask him out instead of waiting for him to ask you. This way you will get any questions you may have about his availability out of the way. Some guys are too shy to ever ask a girl out and if that girl likes them, they just assume the girl will ask for a date. There is nothing forward about asking him out and you certainly have waited for enough time to pass for him to ask you out.

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Keep in mind, that he may just think of you as a friendly acquaintance and you are reading more into this because you are attracted to him. You put him down several times in your explanation because he drives a motorcycle; so either you are making excuses to avoid asking him out, or you really are just attracted to the fact that he is opposite from what you normally date. Before you take the leap and ask him out, be prepared that it may go sideways if you find out he has a girlfriend. The fact that he does not live in the complex suggests he may have a family.

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His behavior of turning his golf cart around to meet up with you suggests that he does enjoy your company. Instead of asking him out on a date, the first time you could suggest you go for coffee or something less formal than a date. If he has a girlfriend you can then say because you would like to get to know him better as a friend, which will help ease some of the tension and awkwardness. Remember that this is where you live, and it's never a good idea to date a neighbor because one of you will have to leave if the relationship ends. If you really like where you live you may want to be very cautious on how you approach a relationship with him.

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Did I mess up our relationship?

My boyfriend (ex-boyfriend) and I we're taking a "break", and he broke up with me because he told me, in these exact words, "We might have to break up. My parents don't let me date when I have bad grades. So I guess we're done until I get them up". Is he lying to me? To top that, I said I was going to drink bleach to my friends and they added him to the chat and he saw it, and I kept talking about how upset I am about it, and he read it all and left the chat without saying a word. I've liked him for two years, and on May 14, I finally told him and found out he liked me too. It took me two years. He told me he loved me that night and told me he loved me the next day too. So I don't know if he's lying or not, but I think I screwed up my chances of us getting back together. I have tried: I tried talking to him about it after I said all of that bleach stuff and something about bleach packets and how my cousin calls them kill yourself on the go. I let him know that he means a lot to me and he is the only good thing in my life right now and that I love him so much. I think it was caused by: He got a bad grade in Algebra and now, after the break up, I can't do anything without bursting into tears.

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If he lives at home, then this could very well be the truth that his parents will not let him date until he brings his grades up. Your comments about the bleach were most likely viewed as complete drama to him. You spoke to him and explained yourself and will have to leave it at that. Tell him that you want to be with him but will respect his parent's wishes. You both are young. Two years is a drop in the bucket in the bigger picture of your entire life. The best thing you can do right now is focus on your friendships and school work. If it is meant to be that you get back together then you will. Keep some dignity and do not wear him down for breaking up with you.

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We just met in Poland and he's had a girlfriend for six years. Now what?

We are both composers and we met in Poland for a music competition. We both won; he was first and I was 4th. We clicked immediately on our 72 hours little trip. We tried to hook up anyway, because we were drinking a lot, but in the end, we didn't. Instead, we kept telling each other that we really really like each other, and on our way to the airport, I was lying on his leg in a cab and he kind of cuddled me from the back, just like a couple. Now, I'm back in NYC and he is in Holland. He has been very honest with me about his girlfriend of six years, and how he really loves her. But I've been on his mind since then. So now what?

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You were a fling. If I was you, I would move on from those 72 hours and live your life as you normally would. Think about this, would you ever be able to trust him? Especially after he told you he has a girlfriend of 6 years and that he really loves her. This means that he could really love you yet be with someone else and cuddle them. You two have elation from winning the competition and are getting those feelings confused with how you feel about each other. Wait 30 days before contacting each other. If the feelings are still there then you can entertain the possibility of getting to know each other further. Be aware that you are from two different countries. Long distance relationships are difficult enough without adding distrust and immigration issues with the physical separation.

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Recent edits by: Love4mira, Anonnnymous, Maria

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