Avoid an Argument
Edited by Seighart, Eng, Maria Sharon Ubando, Lynn
Arguments are unresolved conflicts. They are an admission of immaturity. To argue is to make an indirect plea for sympathy. Arguments come from anyone who feels failure. They come from the standpatters, the middle-of-the-roaders, the conservatives, the mediocre. They come form the detractors who want everything, invent nothing, create nothing and contribute little more than frustration and disaster to everything around them. Arguments indicates the placement of blame because of a loss that teaches nothing. It's a bald admission of resentment for those who are conscious of your shortcomings.
There are arguments in all forms of relationships. Sometimes no matter how hard we try to get avoid it, it happens. In some circumstances, it should happen. People deal with arguments differently. Some deal with it with voices raised, while others prefer to deal with it in a more peaceful manner. Whatever way we deal with arguments, resentment and hurting each other can occur. Arguments, though, when handled properly can help resolve conflicts.
Tips to Avoid an Argument
- 1Know when to back off.In a relationship, it feels good to know that your partner is concerned about you, like how your day was at work. When you see your partner coming home from work feeling bad, you may ask him, but if he does not answer, don't keep pushing him. This is so especially true for guys. if they say they don't want to talk about it RIGHT NOW, respect that. If you keep asking, it will only irritate him and he may just yell at you. A war could possibly start. So wait until he feels more relaxed, and he opens up the topic himself.Advertisement
- 2Demonstrate faith and trust.Jealousy is one of the major reasons for arguments in relationship. Nobody wants to be with a green-eyed monster who always checks where you are or who you are with. Give faith and trust and you'll get them back in return.Advertisement
- 3Don't only defend your position.Doing this will only intensify the argument. Instead of just defending your side, you should also listen. Be sure to show that you are all ears so they can feel your sincerity. Let them vent. This will make them feel better. Your partner will really appreciate you spending some time listening to all the whining and sentiments.
- 4No jumping to conclusions.If you are in doubt, do not listen to your doubting mind and heart. It is best to be honest and ask the other person about something which you feel could be wrong. If he or she says she does not have time to deal on that right now, don't resent it. Maybe it is not just the right time to talk about it. It is better to delay the conversation than to have it right then and there and be in conflict. Save yourself from some hurt by waiting for the right time.
- 5No stockpiling.This is one of the most common scenarios in an argument. Bringing up old problems or old issues is not healthy at all. This has become the tactic for some people when they are in an argument. They make use of the issues from the past to nail down the other person. Deal on the present first, and maybe schedule another time for the unresolved issues from the past, if it still is an issue for one party or both.
- 6Be calm.If you are in a conversation or disagreement, just relax and try not to raise your voice. There is a difference between an argument and a disagreement. A disagreement only becomes an argument when parties get hostile. Take a deep breath, relax and smile.
- 7No name-calling.Say nothing that lowers the other person's morale. An attack to one's personality and being fires up rage. Do not let a simple disagreement turn into an argument that could cause you to lose the relationship you have right now.
- 8Try to be inferior sometimes.Make the other person feel superior. Sometimes arguments become a question of who is more superior, or a matter of who can give the better arguments. If you are in a discussion, just give way. Accept opinions and try not to disagree anymore. It may hurt your ego, but if you want avoid arguments, you need to forget about it sometimes.
- 9Approach the person with an air of happy competence.If you have to say something to a person, it is how you initiate the conversation that matters. If you approach him or her with smile and an eye full of understanding, you will get the same thing in return. You will also usually be able to get the answers you needed and wanted.
- 10If you are wrong, confess it.Confession is the best antidote to an argument.
- 11Try new approaches to old obstacles.If the front door doesn't open try the back. Remember the door swings both ways.
- 12Find the best side of the circumstance.You can beat adversity by ducking punches.
Common Causes of Argument
- 1Differences between the man and woman.Yes, Women are from Venus and Men from Mars. This means we are completely two different species with different beliefs in things. These differences usually are where arguments comes from.Advertisement
- 2Money issues.This is especially so for married couples. The situation can even be worse when the other spouse loses his or her job and the family gets into a difficult situation.
- 3Old Flames.Some people cannot get over their previous relationships. The world is small and you may likely bump into someone you did not even want to meet ever. So it can often be an issue for a man or woman to discover that his or her partner's ex works in the same company where the partner does.
- 1Never threaten.Threatening to end the relationship when in an argument is seen as an emotional blackmail. This may only cause depression on the part of your partner. Instead of finding ways to resolve the current issue, it won't be anymore, since the other person is already in the panic mode.Advertisement
- 2Leave before you get outraged.Listen to what your mind and body are saying. When we are angry, the body releases some hormones that could push you into a violent reaction, resulting in destruction or damages.
- 3Avoid violence.Try not to involve violence in an argument. Control your anger and stay away from anything that you could pick up and throw at the other person.
- 4It is okay to be angry (as long as you can control it).Do not be scared to get angry. This emotion is normal. Keeping anger for a long time to yourself will only get you to into situations you will later regret. One can be angry without being violent. You can get angry to the person you love if this can help him or her realize something. Then again, it is a matter of self-control.Advertisement
- If you have problems with any of these steps, ask a question for more help, or post in the comments section below.
Categories : Relationships
Recent edits by: Maria Sharon Ubando, Eng, Seighart