Avoid Hurtful Speech

Edited by Batkingnz, Anonymous, Eng, Lynn

Julian Marriage.jpg

It's easy to resort to hurtful speech when you and your partner end up in a disagreement, or especially a full blown argument. When you begin to use put-downs and personal insults, you are now using hurtful speech. When this happens in a marriage or long term relationship it can be detrimental to the longevity of that relationship and you should take steps to put an end to the behavior now. But before you can stop what's happening, you need to first understand the causes for resorting to hurtful and damaging speech.

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Underlying Causes of Hurtful Speech in a Relationship

  1. 1
    A family history of hurtful speech.
    If one, or both of the people in a relationship came from a home where hurtful speech was witnessed, the behavior is usually continued on to future generations. This is usually referred to as a vicious cycle.
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  2. 2
    Desensitization to profanity and strong language.
    Desensitization, through mass media or social groups can reduce the perceived impact of hurtful speech, especially in a heated moment when the person using hurtful speech is ignorant to the sensitivities of their partner.
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  3. 3
    Cultural influences.
    In some cultures, part of being a man is stamping your place and dominating your wife, while women may be taught to be just as aggressive and strong headed. If both sides of the relationship have come from such backgrounds, these traits will clash during a disagreement or argument.
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Why Is It Wrong

Sometimes arguments and hurtful speech are unavoidable; in fact it could even be argued that they are a necessary part of a balanced and healthy relationship. But when these episodes become more frequent, they can become real determining factors for the breakup of marriages and relationships. During such episodes, it's likely that things are said that are not meant, or the feelings are accentuated in the heat of the moment. It's true in such a scenario that words can do more damage than fists, which is proven in studies that have shown the hardest thing to recover from in a domestic abuse situation is not the physical abuse, but the psychological abuse. If you want to prevent destruction of your relationship, read on below for ways to prevent and get out of the cycle of hurtful speech.

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Put an End to Hurtful Speech

  1. 1
    Empathize with your partner.
    Put yourself in his or her position and think about how you would feel. Try and remember a moment where they thought something you had said was hurtful. Focus on those words that you said, and how that made them feel. Imagine now that they did the same to you, and things start feeling less than great inside. Now that you have an idea of what they felt, try and think of different ways you could have acted in that situation and of different words you could have used.
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  2. 2
    Find some role models.
    Even if you don't have any positive role models in your family that you can learn from, there are still public figures, celebrities or even fictional couples. Observe and listen or read about the ways in which they interact and identify the behaviors that are worth adopting in to your own relationship.
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  3. 3
    Bring back the spark in your relationship.
    Think of all the things that you love and appreciate about your partner. You can use photos and videos to relive the special moments that you have spent together. When you remember and appreciate all the things about your partner that brought you together in the first place, it makes it hard to be able to hurt them, even unintentionally, during a heated argument. Bringing back those feelings can even prevent the arguments occurring in the first place.
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  4. 4
    Tell them how you feel.
    Rather than telling someone how they are, or how they are acting, telling them how you feel in relation to an action or a situation is a much more effective way of communicating. This is especially true when the situation becomes tense because it will cause empathetic thinking from your partners side which can prevent, or alleviate a heated situation.
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  5. 5
    Put an end to the situation.
    You need to know how and when to stop, especially if you can feel your emotions and temper getting the best of you. Most people know when they have reached a certain point, but a certain amount of pride can prevent them from ending an argument, especially when they feel that they are right. In the first instance, forget your pride or any sense of righteousness because when you consider it, they don't take priority over the health of your relationship. Know when to walk away from an argument. The discussion could be finished at a later time when both you and your partner have had a chance to cool down and to reflect.
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Tips, Tricks & Warnings

  • It's a good idea to read the above article with your partner; that way you can both be aware of the others thoughts when a situation might arise. If you're both on the same thought process for ending conflicts and hurtful speech, it will be easier to implement the above steps.
  • In certain situations, the above might not be enough, or it may be too little and too late. If you feel that you need further help in stamping out harmful behavior and hurtful speech in your relationship it can be a good idea to talk to friends, family members or professional relationship counselors.
  • If you have problems with any of these steps, ask a question for more help, or post in the comments section below.

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Article Info

Categories : Relationships

Recent edits by: Eng, Anonymous, Batkingnz

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