Assist a potential girlfriend after a breakup
Edited by Ephraim, Charmed, Monika, Anonymous and 8 others
Looks like your wishes are finally coming true. Now your lucky break! This may be a bad time for the girl of your dreams, but it is definitely the opportunity you've been waiting for. The girl you have set eyes on just went through a break-up. Wait, hold your horses! Rushing into making a romantic connection with her during this time will (99.9 percent of the time) fail. Unless you are all in for a rebound relationship, you better do it right.
While you may be happy that the guy is finally out of the picture, you will be struggling with the her emotional issues at this time. Trying to pursue your romantic intentions with her may hurt her more and ruin your slim chance of being the next guy to be her boyfriend. You should try to understand that she will be experiencing a lot of emotions during this time. She may be angry, hurt, or express remorse for the loss of the previous relationship. At the right time, you can convince her that you're the person she's been looking for all along. Lend your ear and provide your shoulder to cry on. Before you know it, she's yours!
- 1Step in:After a breakup, a male friend can step in and comfort her. Girls are different than guys. Girls often feel lonely, very vulnerable and want comfort as opposed to guys who often just want to be left alone after a break-up. As her male friend, all you have to do is be there for her, listening, someone to hold her hand, to give her a hug and to be there when she wants to cry. You will find this can be very satisfying, useful and effective to start in trying to pursue a romantic relationship with her. When this is all over, she'll be reminiscent of not the break up, but the person who helped her through it. She'll remember the care and support you showed her during that difficult time and she'll also remember the fun and the little bits of happiness you brought into her life.Advertisement
- 2Listen well:After getting her heart broken, the girls voice their feelings in their conversations. As such, being there to listen will prove to be a very important thing for her. Try not to make comments on what she says unless she asks you for a response or advice, but do still show you're paying attention. Listening is really all you have to do. Voicing your opinions without her asking could make her feel that you are taking sides, but agreeing with her all the time won't help either. Remember that she's in a very emotional state, so try to keep quiet unless your opinion is being asked for. Nevertheless, be careful in giving it.Advertisement
- 3Lift her spirits:This is the point in the process where you can compliment her - her laugh, her smile or with something she is wearing. Bring up the good things you know about her - her talents, skills, knowledge, how good she is with others, etc. This can really help to bring her back from the depths she is in. She will have lost some of her self-confidence and will, most likely, be very sad.
- 4Patience:This is part of the process too. Being beside her during her most difficult time really does help, but you won't be with her all the time. This means that you have to leave her some time alone. Be patient and believe that this will soon pass. Be prepared to wait, possibly a long time, because she may not be ready for another relationship for quite a while. If she is the girl you really care about, you'll probably want to wait until she is ready.
- 5The Million Dollar Mistake:The biggest mistake guys often make when trying to pursue a romantic relationship with a girl who has recently broken up with her boyfriend, is to insist that she should stop thinking about the ex-boyfriend. What's worse is to push the girl to enter into another relationship with you too quickly. Some guys will use the girl's hurt and resentment in convincing that she can take revenge by getting into another relationship. If a girl will do this for the sake of revenge, it won't be healthy for her, for you nor for the relationship. She would most likely compare you with him and look for the qualities of the ex-boyfriend in you. You will end up imitating the ex-boyfriend, rather than showing your true self. If her emotional wounds haven't healed yet, the same problems she had with the ex-boyfriend will likely surface. So be patient and do not force the situation; if it's meant to be, she'll come to you when she is ready.
When dealing with a girl who you want to become your girlfriend, you will need to do certain things in order to turn the friendship into something more. Now that you have helped her through her time of need, you will need to focus on "sealing the deal" with her in order to make her your girlfriend. Please understand this is not a foolproof plan, but if you have any chance at all, this can certainly improve it.
Think about her feelings
When it comes to women and building a relationship with them, you need to pay attention and get in tune with their emotions. During this process you need to think about her and her feelings rather than yours so you can encourage her into a relationship that goes further than merely friendship.
- 1Carefully assess the situation.Are you reading her signals correctly? Do you know for sure that she is ready to make your relationship more than friendship? If you make a move without knowing how she really feels, you might blow your chances completely. The signals that she projects, like how she acts around you, talks to you, how close she gets to you physically, will show you that she is into you more than just a friend.
- 2Check out whether or not she flirts with you whenever you are in each other's company.
- 3Observe any indications that she's moving toward a new level of relationship other than friendship with you.Is she acting differently towards you?
- 4If you don't see any of these signs, you may have to re-evaluate where the relationship is going.You may even have to "abort the mission" at this time because she isn't ready for something more than friendship or she isn't ready for more than friendship with you.
Be honest with yourself
There are times when you have to accept that she thinks of you only as her friend. Below are some things that can help you to be more honest about the situation, and whether it's going your way or not.
- 1Accept the situation:You may feel more for her than she does for you, so if this is your current situation, try not to feel as if there is something wrong with you or push her away. You still have the friendship and that has been very important to both of you in the past. Her feelings for you may grow into something more than friendship, but you will have to stick by her.Advertisement
- 2Be patient with her:She may still be afraid of getting hurt again. As such, she may not yet be ready to take the relationship to the next level.
- 3Be brave:If you see that she is behaving like she wants the relationship to be more than what it is now, show and act that you are also ready for more. Making the next move could make her happy. She may even be relieved that you are feeling the same way she does about the relationship.
- 4Do things to help her to see that you want the relationship to go to the next level.She may need to see you as more than a friend in order for her to consider a romantic relationship with you. Do something romantic to show her your potential as her new boyfriend. Ask her out on a date when you think she's ready.
Helping to change her image of you
In this section there are several ideas to help her see you in a different light - more as potential boyfriend and less as just a friend. By following the steps below you will help her change her current image of you.
- 1Spruce yourself up:Pay attention to your appearance and look the part of a potential boyfriend rather than the comforter. You don't want to remain the shabby, long time friend, would you?Advertisement
- 2Spruce up your confidence level:Dress nicely, not only for her, but also yourself, so that you can feel more confident about yourself when trying to make the move on her.
- 3Flirt with her:Flirting with each other every time you get together will put the relationship on a different level. This action will most likely suggest (in a subtle way) that you are a potential boyfriend indeed. She may start to see you in a different light.
- 4Increase your playfulness:Play around with her more. This will help bring fun to the relationship. It may also open the doors of romance between the two for you.
- 5Up the physical contact between you:Bring in a bit of physical play by perhaps tickling her (but only if you know she is OK with that). Be sure you know how far to take this since it could actually bring a screeching halt to everything - a love relationship or friendship.
- 6Do something intimate:When eating together, share your food with her, as this is an intimate act that often happens between couples.
- 7Embrace her:Hug her whenever it is appropriate in order to increase the physical contact between you and to get closer to her, inch by inch. This will allow the two of you to feel each other's bodies, casually at first and then more, as the relationship develops.
- 8Nurture her:Do simple things such as pushing her hair behind her ears or touching her hair or face to show that you can be gentle and nurturing to her.
- 9Help her with things:Help with things she needs to accomplish, like simple household chores, taking the car to the garage or washing the car - virtually anything that will help get things done. This will show that you are supportive. Doing things together will bring you closer.
- 10Listen:Listening to what she had to say was important in helping her over her pain. Listening continues to be important throughout any relationship. It gets you more in tune with her emotions. Guys often don't listen to girls, and simply grunt without actually retaining anything that the girl said. By retaining the information she gives you, you will show that you truly care.
- 11Invite her to events:Attending events together shows others that you are becoming a couple and it takes you out of the usual scenarios the two of you shared before as friends.
- 12Remember the special dates in her life:Women appreciate the consideration shown when a man remembers her birthday or some other important dates and events in her life. Remembering even a sad anniversary will help you show her how important she is to you.
- 13Remember other facts about her:Her favorite song, color or something you know she enjoys. Show how you truly know her by doing something spontaneous that shows that you are thinking of her. One way you could do this is to get a customized CD that contains her favorite song or to buy her an accessory in her favorite color.
- 14Send her emoticons or smiley faces in your emails or texts:Take these opportunities to include your emotions in the messages you send her. This also expresses your thoughtfulness. She may surprise you by doing similar actions. She may reply with the same caring, perhaps without even thinking about it. This could be a sign that her feelings for you are changing, almost without her noticing.
- 15Spend enough time with her that she could feel lost without you when you're not there.This could make her feel she is missing something really important when you're not around. Strengthening the bond between the two of you can, in fact, cause her to develop stronger feelings for you as the relationship develops.Advertisement
Questions and Answers
Do you have ideas for messages I could send to a potential girlfriend?
She is broken up and I want to send her text messages that will encourage her to see me as her next boyfriend.. I have tried: I have called her and had coffee with her.. I think it was caused by: I have been more like a therapist than a boyfriend and I need to change that.
This is a very hard task: keep meeting her and supporting. This is a long process that requires patience and understanding if the person has gotten over the feelings, which actually may distract her from even thinking of another relationship. Stepping to another level through obscure messages with hints can only push you further into the therapist role. It might be, however, a good idea to keep supporting her by asking her out. Stepping to another level might be done by offering a real date over a text message: not too soon, however. "Hello! I am wondering if you would like to meet me as a gentleman at our mutual lunch." Pick a romantic place with a good view or environment and bring her flowers. Always remember that stepping over the role of therapist is really hard but not impossible as time passes by!
- If you have problems with any of these steps, ask a question for more help, or post in the comments section below.
Categories : Relationships
Recent edits by: Donna, Lynn, Olivia