Ask Your Boyfriend What His Plans are Toward You

Edited by Ian Gabriel T. Tolledo, Anonymous, Doug Collins, Eng and 13 others

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In a world where love is subjective and relationships come and go, how do you know that yours is meant to last a lifetime? Learning your boyfriend's intentions for your relationship is a key factor in planning your future together. Whether you want to get married some day or you're not quite ready to take that leap, you need to know how he feels, and dropping subtle hints won't usually work. Many couples are uncomfortable talking about marriage and other commitment-specific topics for one reason or another, but once you've broken through that barrier, you'll both likely feel a big sense of relief. You both deserve to know if your relationship has marriage potential. The article below can help you find out how committed your boyfriend is to the relationship without seeming too pushy or overbearing.

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How to Find Out If He's Committed

Regardless of the method you choose to find out where your boyfriend stands on the subject of marriage or long-term commitment, it's best to be direct and upfront. If you feel that your relationship is established enough to bring up such a serious topic, you should be able to have an open and free discussion after breaking the ice.

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  1. 1
    Approach him when he's in a good mood.
    If he's having a bad day or dealing with something very stressful at the time, it's not a good idea to bring up something so serious or life-changing. Wait until you're both relaxed and have some extra time to have a meaningful conversation.
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  2. 2
    Don't be passive-aggressive.
    Even if you've been dropping hints left and right, hoping he will bring up the topic or propose, chances are that being passive-aggressive won't get you anywhere. It will only confuse or anger him. Don't say things like "When are we getting married?" or "Why haven't you asked me to marry you yet?". These questions put him on the spot and don't encourage healthy communication.
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  3. 3
    Skip the drama.
    You don't have to show him the depths of your emotion to give him reason to reveal his plans for your future together. You have every right to share your emotions with someone you love and want to marry, but there's no need to be overly dramatic, especially if you've never discussed the subject and you're unsure of his stance on marriage. Turning on the waterworks before you even know how he feels, especially when your relationship is less than a year old, might only serve to scare him away.
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  4. 4
    Be playful.
    It might be a serious topic, but there's no need to have an ultra-serious discussion. Keep the tone light-hearted and playful. Saying things like "I want an outdoor wedding some day" or "I wonder what I would look like in a wedding dress" are simple ways to bring up the subject without putting him under unnecessary pressure. Making statements about your dream wedding or marriage, and making jokes about your hypothetical married life are good ways to ease into the topic. If he seems receptive, you can find out more about what he wants.
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  5. 5
    Talk about practical things.
    Discuss practical matters with him, such as meeting with your families and relatives, financial or career issues, your goals or dreams of having children, whether or not you want to own a home, etc. Hearing his opinion on these topics can give you a good idea on where he stands when it comes to practical matters, and it might naturally lead into a discussion of potential marriage. It can also help you both get on the same page, but be respectful and avoid criticism of his priorities or goals.
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  6. 6
    Use friends' or relatives' weddings to your advantage.
    Shelley Branch wedding.jpeg
    If you have a friend or relative that's getting married, you can use this as a chance to bring up the topic. If you go to a wedding together, you can talk about different aspects that you like about it and would use in your own wedding. If you know a happily married couple, bring them up and let him know that you would like to
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  7. 7
    Tell him you want to get married.
    This is the most simple and straightforward way to approach the subject. If you tried the above techniques and he's just not giving you an discernible answer, then come right out and say what you want. If you see yourself getting married within the next 2 years or so, then tell him. You have every right to discuss your feelings and future, so don't feel ashamed to bring it up. Gauge his reaction and go from there.
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Signs Your Boyfriend Is Thinking About Marriage

There are many signs that a guy is thinking about your relationship in the long term, which means there's a pretty good chance he'll propose in the future. Check out the list below to find out what to look for.

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  1. 1
    Your friends are his friends and vice versa.
    This is a good indication that he might be thinking about a long-term commitment because your personal and social lives are synchronized. Sharing friends can help strengthen the bond of your relationship.
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  2. 2
    He wants to live with you.
    If he's brought up living together, chances are he's thinking more about long-term commitment or marriage. Sharing personal space is a big deal for most men, so consider this a step in the right direction.
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  3. 3
    He invites you to family gatherings.
    If he's comfortable enough to want you to get to know his family, he probably sees a future with you. Invitations to holiday dinners, get-togethers, birthdays and other events are a clear sign that you're important to him.
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  4. 4
    He talks to you about his career.
    Most men consider their careers a part of their identity, so if he opens up to you about work-related issues, successes and failures, it's a big sign that he's considering long-term commitment or marriage.
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  5. 5
    He's extra affectionate or touchy with you.
    This doesn't always signify marriage, but if you've been together for a while and he starts behaving more like he did when you first got together (special surprises, extra snuggles, dates and touchiness), he's either very into you or ready to propose.
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  6. 6
    He wants to share a bank account with you.
    Most men won't suggest sharing a bank account unless they're seriously considering marriage or long-term commitments. Consider this a very good sign that he wants to be with you for the long haul.
    Shelley Branch bank account.jpg
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  7. 7
    Speaking in terms of "when", not "if".
    Know the difference between "if we get married" and "when we get married". If he speaks in the latter manner, then he already made up his mind to marry you. If the relationship stays on the same trajectory and he keeps making statements like that, then the answer is obvious.
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Whatever your relationship status, stay classy and cool when you ask your boyfriend about his plans for your future as a couple. You don't want him to feel that you're totally dependent on him since he might take you for granted. Encourage a healthy relationship by living as equals. Dependence or neediness on either part is unattractive and unhealthy.

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Warning

  • If you attempt to have this discussion at different points of time and he clams up, continuously changes the subject or says "no", then you may need to reconsider how your relationship fits into your future goals and plans. He might not be ready yet, so it's best to figure out ahead of time what you'll do in that case.
  • Avoid pressuring him to marry you. If he's not ready, pressuring him is wrong and not the way to go if you value your relationship. He might feel that you haven't been together long enough, or that you're both not financially or emotionally ready to take on that role in life. If you continuously put him in an uncomfortable situation, even if he does bend to your wishes, it will probably lead to resentment in the future. If you feel that you're to the point of giving an ultimatum, perhaps it's time that you consider going your separate ways.

Questions and Answers

I love your post but am scared he will think am being too desperate. How do I go about it?

Approach the subject gently. You don't want to come right out and ask if he's planning to marry you; instead, start the conversation by talking about the great times you've had together and how much you love being together. Ease into the subject by saying that you could see yourselves together for a long time and that you'd love for that to be the case. If he seems at all upset at this point, stop -- you don't want to push this subject when he's not ready. Try again in another month.

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Is it OK to ask this question when you've dated a man for 4 months? How long is a long time regarding dating? Could I just ask the question up-front without making it somehow less frightening by "softening" it somehow? I'm not good at that and he knows it, so why bother

He calls me his girlfriend, but is not particularly moving the relationship forward. We live in different cities and I'm planning to move into the city he lives in. He hasn't made any suggestions of us moving together and so on, so I'm planning to find my own place. However, in the beginning of our relationship I asked him about his plan for life, and it included sharing his life with a nice woman - me. But then again, that was back, 4 months ago, when we didn't knew each other well.

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Four months is a very short amount of time, in the grand scheme of things. If he's willing to help you find a place to live, assist you with moving your belongings, show you around the city and spend time with you, that shows he cares about you. Give him some time and see how he treats you when you live closer and spend more time together, then bring up the question. You can always ask him if he wants to be in a committed, long-term relationship with you before making your move. You can mention that you want to get married some day and any other goals you might have, but avoid pressuring him since it's still so early in your relationship.

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He is asking me about my future plans & I don't know if it's right to tell him?

I don't know his plans for our relationship, so I don't really know what to tell him about my future plans.

It sounds like you both need to open up about your thoughts and feelings. Talk about your goals, whether or not you want to get married, buy a home, travel, have children or pets, live near family, etc. Communication is one of the most important aspects of a healthy relationship, so you both need to get on the same page.

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Do you think it's an okay time to bring up my desire for marriage?

I have lived with my boyfriend for five of the seven months we have been together. We have both experienced deaths of close friends and family members in this time, a pregnancy that ended in miscarriage at 11 weeks, many ups and downs. We don't fight about anything, if there is a negative issue we talk like adults, without things blowing up. We have talked a lot about the future, everything he says about it includes me, we are looking at houses in the near future and even trying to get pregnant again... I can't see my future without him in it, and when I tell him so much he says that is really good to hear He has talked about dancing with me when we are 70, I am 27 and he is 25 Lately my mind has been wandering to wondering if he ever sees us getting married, for some reason, I am nervous about bringing it up. Any suggestions?

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Buying a house together is a good way to introduce the topic of marriage. He does think of you when he thinks of the future so he is not planning on walking out of the relationship. Just casually mention that you should think about marriage before you buy the house due to possible mortgage issues that would be easier if you were married. You also are planning on getting pregnant and he may have the better health insurance or you could also make the case that marriage would be good in the event that you can't work and keep your employer's health insurance plan. Approach him with logical reasons which may have him feeling less pressure about marriage.

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How do I plan my future with my boyfriend?

Me and my boyfriend are moving in together and I really want to plan ahead so we can have a debt and problem free future.. I have tried: I have tried planning out all me and my boyfriend's essentials and living supplies, I'm currently trying to budget my money and learn how to save properly, I started shopping at numerous stores to get better deals on items that follow with more quantity, I have no experience at all with any of this I'm just tackling it head on.. I think it was caused by: Well life is always a bitch pardon the language I'm having a tough time.

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Creating a budget is a great step that you are already taking. Make sure that you are not spending more than 30% of your monthly salary on housing in your budget which will leave 70% for the rest of your monthly needs. You and your boyfriend should try to save 20% of your monthly income from each of your salaries. Sit down with him and make a 5 year plan. Buying a house, for instance, will need a down payment so you would use that to determine how much you will need in your savings account.

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What can I ask my man about his weekend?

What can I ask my man about his weekend

Start with asking how he was feeling during his weekend. Ask him what he did and if there was anything he would like to change for next weekend. Simple questions like this show that you care about him.

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Should I ask him if he sees a future with me?

We've been together for a year now and I've told him I'd like to live with him. Should I see if he feels the same. I have tried: I've told him directly how I feel but I wonder if he feels the same. I think it was caused by: There is no problem really

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He may just not be ready to make the commitment of moving in together yet. Many couples live separately for a long time before they either get married or move in together and they have successful happy relationships. There is nothing wrong with asking if there is a future with a person so go ahead and ask. Perhaps tell him that you have not received an answer about moving in together which is fine if you do not but you do need to know if more of a commitment is coming.

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Do you have a more charming way of wording the question "Do you have a plan for this relationship this year?" as I think that would sound a bit demanding to my boyfriend?

My guy likes to feel he is in control and might think that I am trying to force him into marriage.

Perhaps ask if he wants to go on vacation next year and ask if he would like to go somewhere specific. This will be a subtle introduction to your question of what he has planned for the two of you.

OK., so here it is; I asked what he wants, this is what he sent me?

(1/3) I have good intentions. I just don't want to be rushed or pressured...I'm not 100% sure what the future holds. I told you I'm very cautious... I have to be. (2/3) Don't want to ruin my life or my potential future spouse. I want my spouse to make me happy and me make them happy.. If you don't make each other happy then (3/3) That's a recipe for failure and a miserable life together. I have tried: I asked where does he see us. I think it was caused by: Nothing we had a disagreement a while back

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He is telling you here that he does have the intention of a future with you but he needs to be 100% sure before he makes a deeper commitment to you. Sit down with him and say that although you do have arguments, they are resolved which is a good thing. Let him know that you will wait until he is sure and relieve some of the pressure he is feeling.

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My long term boyfriend ( Over a year) avoids questions about where he sees our relationship is going,why?

I have been dating this guy for just over a year and although he is a strange character some days, I really love him and see him as the ONE. The question in my head has always been, what does he see me as? The other night I asked him what he wanted, and he said that he wanted me. I then asked him in what ways, how? And he said that he has to get off the phone because he is expecting a call from his boss. We left it hanging in the air. By saying he is a strange character, issues such as not allowing my Facebook tags, or refuses to change his Facebook status. I also sometimes feel like I'm in the back of the line when it comes to weekends (We live 4 hours from each other), we would have standing plans and then he would cancel on me for some silly family reason. He also recently said that he wants to be able to do what HE wants to when HE wants to.... without having to report to someone... that someone sat in front of him. Please help!

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He has commitment issues. Big time commitment issues. Sure he wants you and has no problem stating that but when you brought up how you wanted to know what his intentions were to you, he ran away with an excuse. Besides commitment issues, this also is a sign that you might be the other woman in his life. If that is the case he can't promise anything more because he is already committed to someone else. Some people just do not change their Facebook status but not allowing tags is a big red flag after you have been together a year. I understand if you just met him but after a year, there should be at least one photo of just the two of you on his Facebook account. If there is not then you need to start evaluating if he has another relationship in his life and that you are not just a fling that he occasionally plays with. You are in a long distance relationship so he could feel secure that you will not find out about his other relationships nor they find out about you.

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Regardless of his issues, I think you got your answer about his intentions a year ago when he never changed his Facebook status and refuses to let you tag pics. It seems that even after all that time of one year he still can't make a commitment towards you.

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I asked my boyfriend; is there someone else he is interested in and he said there's no answer to that, so what does that mean?

I just don't think he loves me no more. I have tried: I tried to get him to answer, he kept saying the same thing. I think it was caused by: He does not love me

Then there is no good answer for him to give you. If you think that he does not love you and his behavior towards you has changed then he definitely has at least distanced himself from you. He may also feel that you are being ridiculous for asking that because he has no interest towards another woman yet refuses to acknowledge or change his behavior towards you.

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Are my boyfriend and I moving too fast?

I've asked him and he said "to be completely honest. I want to be together till the end". We've been dating since September of 2015 (dating for 8+ months). Yet there is a 2 and a half year age difference between him and I. Plus we both are in high school and he's enlisted in the military. We have a DDLG kind of relationship though, but we have not slept together. People have made me flip out cause they say the 'high school sweetheart' relationships never work out. And I'm afraid that we are moving too fast. I mean I see a future between him and I and so does he. He's my everything. But I'm just scared that we are moving too fast. And rumor has it that he might propose to me before he gets deployed overseas but ill only be a senior In high school still. Are we moving too fast?

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My parents are high school sweethearts and next week will celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary. Then again every relationship is different. You are both very young and although you love each other, people emotionally still grow up until they are 25. Making any life plans before that means that you might regret those later in life. If he does propose and you are feeling hesitant this does not mean that you need to break it off with him. Instead perhaps accept a promissory proposal meaning a rather long engagement.

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Because he is in the military, you need to consider what you want out of the next few years. If you want to go to college (which you should) then you will be in a long distance relationship with him for the next 4 to 5 years. You are both just starting out into adult life so take your time and grow your relationship even stronger. Do what is best for you and your goals first. Your two year age difference is not significant but at this point in your life it will mean that he is progressing faster than you into adulthood. If you can keep up with him while he waits for you then this relationship will work.

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How would I know if the guy can provide for me and our future family?

How would I know if the guy can provide for me and our future family?. I have tried: I directly asked him what are his plans. I think it was caused by: I can provide for myself but I'm not sure if he can provide for me and our future family

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If you are self-sufficient then do not concern yourself on whether he can provide for you in the future. As your relationship grows it will be more important that he is emotionally supportive rather than just financially supportive. I have several friends where the female in the relationship is the main source of income and the husband stays home with this kids. If this is a big issue for you and he can't give you the answers that you want then it might be time to move on. Some people are just not driven or goal orientated and that will never change yet in a relationship this can be a good thing if their partner is career and goal orientated.

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Hi, I'm not in a relationship at the moment with this guy I'm seeing at the moment, but I want to be with him (LIKE IN A RELATIONSHIP). I don't know if I'm in a hurry or should we give it a try? I want to know how to ask him what are the steps ahead?

I want to give it a try and I want to be with him, I'm not sure how to ask him

You should wait at least 3 to 6 months of dating before you begin the relationship talks. It is great that you are interested in making things more permanent and you can start dropping hints. Something like mentioning an event or concert that is several months away. Gauge his reaction to make plans with you for a couple months ahead. This will tell you if he has intentions on something more permanent.

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See more questions like this: What exactly a guy wants? why he doesn't want to give any commitments?

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