18 Sure Signs He Is Dangerously Obsessed with You

Edited by Donna, Eng, Anonymous, keke and 1 other

It really does feel nice to have an admirer in your life. It is no secret women thrive on lots of love and attention. It is also really true that sometimes those first dates that you thought were one-night stands really do turn into lovers and husbands. However, it is all too common these days for a woman to meet a guy and then have him become dangerously obsessed with her.

Was this helpful? Yes | No | I need help

This often happens at the point of rejection, whether that is after the first date or after a few years of being together but it can happen at any point during the relationship. Jealousy and insecurity are often part of a stalker's personality, and often the stalker is simply not right in the head or aware of what they are doing because they have been taught that possessive behavior is part of a romantic experience.

Was this helpful? Yes | No | I need help


The Statistics About Stalking In the US

Obsession often leads to stalking according to as study done at Colorado State University and published on their Women and Gender Advocacy Center website. One in 6 women will be the victim of an obsessed stalker in her life. Two-thirds of these stalking incidents will be by a current or former intimate partner.

Was this helpful? Yes | No | I need help

In some demographics, the danger of being stalked by an dangerously obsessed man is higher. One in 6 white women, 1 in 7 Hispanic women and 1 in 5 black women will experience stalking in their lifetime. Indigenous women are most at risk with 1 out of 3 having to deal with a dangerously obsessed male.

Was this helpful? Yes | No | I need help

One way to avoid getting involved with a stalker is to know the behaviors that signify that you are dealing with one in the first place and take prompt steps to practice avoidance of him.

Signs He is Dangerously Obsessed With You

  1. 1
    He bombs you with messages after one meeting.
    It is normal to get one message or a Facebook request after one meeting but it is not normal to be love-bombed by scores of text messages or calls in a desperate attempt to contact you. He also may expect you to answer his messages right away and become very upset if you do not return his messages within seconds. It is the insistence that he must know where you are all at times that is possessive and unhealthy.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No | I need help

  2. 2
    He has no sense of personal boundaries.
    His comments in public or on social media might be inappropriately intimate or premature or suggest that you have an intimacy or connection that is just not there. He may even lie or imply that he is with you or that you have an intimacy or past together that does not exist.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No | I need help

  3. 3
    He is clingy, insecure and refuses to leave your side.
    If he sticks to your side when you run into him at events and prevents others from having a conversation with you or displays jealousy, then you have a stalker on your hands. He may express resentment if you talk to others and may even address others who try to talk to you in a way that is intended to shoo them away so he can have your company all to yourself.p
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No | I need help

  4. 4
    He constantly compares you to an impossible ideal.
    Many dangerously obsessed men expect you to live up to an expectation that they have in their mind and when you don't live up to that image of perfection or disappoint them in any way, they become very upset and even seek revenge.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No | I need help

  5. 5
    He compliments you but is extremely critical of you at the same time.
    This is an attempt on his part to make you feel insecure so that you have the feeling that you need him. He may have studied you, looking for weaknesses and decide to play on them in order to make you feel like you need him for advice or approval.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No | I need help

  6. 6
    He spies on you every chance that he gets.
    You may get the feeling you are being watched every time you go out the door or you may be aware that he has posted pictures or sent photos of you when you were not aware of his presence. Most stalkers are voyeurs, but if you catch them doing something like, watching you from his parked car near your house, he will tell you that it is just a coincidence.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No | I need help

  7. 7
    He misrepresents his familiarity with you to your family and friends.
    He may tell others he is your boyfriend in order to force you to recognize him or to convince them to give information about you. He might also speak to you as if you already have a life together and say things like "I am looking forward to having Thanksgiving with your family even if you have not made any such plans."
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No | I need help

  8. 8
    He arranges coincidences to prove that there is a soul mate connection between you.
    He may turn up all the time where you are and then try to use the "chance meetings" as proof that you belong together. He may also buy you gifts, that coincidentally, are your favorite things, without him ever having told you so. This is evidence that he may have been doing some research on you somehow, by lurking on Facebook or talking to your friends.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No | I need help

  9. 9
    He tries to ingratiate his way into your life by being overly helpful.
    If you even casually mention that you are going somewhere he is the guy who will offer you a drive there, even if you don't need it. No matter what you are doing, cooking, cleaning or going shopping, he will always offer to be of assistance so he can spend more time in your company. The more time he can spend in your company, the more he feels he can control you and the events around you.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No | I need help

  10. 10
    He does not understand that No Means No! You might request that he stop contacting you but he continues to past the requests of yourself, other people in your life, the police, a restraining order and other measures you may have taken for protection.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No | I need help

  11. 11
    He becomes angry or violent if you reject him.
    Often he will threaten the object of desire in order to act out his controlling behavior and desire for vengeance. This type of behaviour necessitates and immediate call to the police.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No | I need help

  12. 12
    He threatens to hurt himself if you leave.
    This is a form of emotional blackmail designed to involve you in his life by making you feel guilty. Any threat of harm to himself or to you should also be called into the police, immediately.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No | I need help

  13. 13
    He breaks into your house and waits for you.
    This is an extremely dangerous situation that requires immediate assistance from the police. Even if you have given him the key because he is an ex, he should not be allowed to violate your privacy.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No | I need help

  14. 14
    He keeps insisting that you are his soul mate.
    He will talk about your eventual union as a couple as if it is inescapable fate and meant to be and may even warn you that there could be dire consequences if you refuse to be with him.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No | I need help

  15. 15
    He assumes your identity.
    Many stalkers are confused as to who they are and will act out their obsession with you by pretending to be you. This can be as simple as opening up fake social media accounts with your name or even actually breaking into your home to steal items of your clothing so he can dress up as you.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No | I need help

  16. 16
    He physically stalks you by doing everything that you do.
    If you join a yoga class, he joins a yoga class. If he knows you walk your dog in the park at four o'clock every day, then he just happens to be there. He might also claim to know friends of yours that he does not really know and he might shadow you on social media sites, liking everything that you do and joining events and groups that you do.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No | I need help

  17. 17
    He has a history of mental illness or addiction.
    Men with these afflictions tend to be more prone to the sado-masochistic and codependent tendencies that lead to unhealthy obsessive behaviour.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No | I need help

  18. 18
    He has a history of stalking and harassing other women.
    Often a stalker has a number of victims and looking into his past can sometimes reveal that you are part of an old pattern. Do some research about how his relationships with other women ended and whether they were violent or not.
    Was this step helpful? Yes | No | I need help


Finally it is important for you to use your intuition as it will rarely lie to you about sensing someone who means you harm.

Questions and Answers

Is this a sign of obsession, abuse or is it both because I don't know what to do I'm confused?

There this boy I like and we dated before but we broke up because he said something I didn't like and I gave him chances to say he was sorry but he didn't do it. But he and I are still friends and we still have feelings for each other also. Now it's like every time I don't pay attention to him he starts insulting me in front of people like saying things that he knows will make me mad to get my attention. Then he calls me names like the B word and a dog and other stuff. But then he tells his friends that I'm his girlfriend but we not even dating. He likes begs me to give him a second chance but every time I do he mess up n talk to other females but its like when it don't work out with them he expects me to take him back. Then it's like every time he says something and I say no he gets mad and calls me names too. My parents don't even like him and they tell me to stay away from him but I can't do that because I still have feelings for him. I just want to know if this abuse or obsession or both. My situation is not different at all its still all the same. I try to work it out and change it but every time I do it doesn't work out how I wanted it to be!

Was this helpful? Yes | No | I need help

This is not a healthy relationship and your parents are right in telling you to stay away. Distance yourself as much as possible. Your feelings will begin to disappear the more you do not speak with him. These feelings you are experiencing are toxic in nature and not good for you. It sounds like you are both young. There is a lot you have to learn as you grow older. This lesson right now is about only allowing those that care about you in your life. Only speak with boys that respect and honor you. Calling you names is not okay no matter what age you are.

Was this helpful? Yes | No | I need help

I highly appreciate if you could help me, my question is about obsession?

How can a person tell if there is someone who is obsessed by her? How does obsession start? What symptoms could lead to something more dangerous?

1 out of 12 women has been in a dangerous obsessive relationship. Some signs to look for are if he immediately says he loves you. How does he react to you saying no? Does he need to know what you are doing every waking minute? Does he show up at random places like he is following you? Document any contact that you have said no to. Text messages and letters, photos, a log of how many times you see him around your home or work. Little things like this can help you if you need to enforce an anti-stalking law where you reside.

Was this helpful? Yes | No | I need help


VisiHow welcomes all comments. If you do not want to be anonymous, register or log in. It is free.

Donna West
Featured Author
163 Articles Started
7,873 Article Edits
146,165 Points
Donna West is a featured author with VisiHow. Donna West has achieved the level of "Commander" with 146,165 points. Donna West has started 163 articles (including this one) and has also made 7,873 article edits. 343,000 people have read Donna West's article contributions.
Donna West's Message Board
Donna West: Hi, my name is Donna West.
Donna West: Can I help you with your problem about "18 Sure Signs He Is Dangerously Obsessed with You"?

Article Info

Categories : Relationships

Recent edits by: keke, Anonymous, Eng

Share this Article:

Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 6,467 times.

Do you have a question not answered in this article?
Click here to ask one of the writers of this article

Thank Our Volunteer Authors.

Would you like to give back to the community by fixing a spelling mistake? Yes | No