11 First Date Tips for Guys
Edited by Train Wreck, Grimm, Eng, pm84119 and 5 others
This article is part of our series on Relationships, Dating, and Marriage, click to read more articles.
- 1 You Have to Be a Man to Get a Second Date with Her
- 2 Tips and Suggestions for First Dates with a Girl
- 3 Questions and Answers
- 4 Comments
You Have to Be a Man to Get a Second Date with Her
Way more is expected of a man than a woman on a first date. Way more.
If you're lost in the dating world, you're not alone. Well... actually, you probably are alone, but that's why you're here. You've come to get advice on how to get through a first date and on to the second date, and we've got that advice for you. Just read our 11 First Date Tips for Men, and you'll be off to a great start.
- 1Most girls have dated before. The fact that she's on a date with you means the last guy didn't get it right. Instead of worrying about what he might or might not have done, focus on what you are doing right now. Either you can be yourself and have a great time, which naturally leads to a second date, or you can try to be something you're not, in which case you're not going to have a good time.Don't worry about anyone she has dated in the past, and don't discuss it.Advertisement
- 2You need to take charge of things. This doesn't mean you should be rude or behave like a cave man. It means you should have a plan. If you're going to dinner, make sure you've arranged a table in advance. If you're going to play mini-golf, confirm that there isn't a wait, and the place isn't overrun with hoodlums. She instinctively trusts you to protect her if she can't. Your ability to plan is part of how she decides if you can do that or not.Plan your date with her, and be prepared for anything with a back up plan.Advertisement
- 3However, don't tell her exactly what you'll be doing, or where you are going. Who knows, maybe that's where her ex proposed to her, and you've just ended your date before it even started. Instead, give her an idea so she'll be able to dress comfortably and look the way she wants to. She will not be happy if she shows up at a water park in a $300 outfit that doesn't react well to water. Do this to a woman, and she will probably not forgive you.Give her an idea of what you'll be doing a few days in advance.
- 4Make sure you call her several hours before your scheduled time. That way you can confirm that she's still OK with you arriving at whatever time you had previously arranged. If you aren't picking her up, make sure you physically meet her when she arrives outside. When she arrives, walk her to the table you reserved. You did make reservations... didn't you? If not, please refer back to Step Two for further instruction.Call her the day of your date to confirm the time you're meeting.
- 5If you stay out all night the day before you date her, no amount of coffee, coke, or caffeine is going to keep you fully awake. Caffeine won't fix your lethargy, and she's going to be able to tell that something's not right. This will leave her feeling like you just really weren't that interested in her. When it comes time to consider a second date, she's not going to want to go out with you again.Don't party all night the day before you're going on a date with her.
- 6You need to be sincere and honest, because women can spot fake compliments. You should be thoughtful, because some things you say can make a woman uncomfortable. Rather than toss out the same generic compliment every other man she has ever met says, be different. Let her know she looks good, but in a way that makes her feel uncomfortable. Click here to learn more about how to compliment a woman.Be sincere, honest, and especially thoughtful with your compliments.
- 7Unless you're planning on selling her a used car, lay off the cologne. The same goes for body spray, which actually doesn't attract women in real life like it does in commercials. Likewise, if you aren't in a boy band, there's no need to put more style in your hair than she has. A little goes a long way. Women like a nice guy, and they like it when guys smell nice, but if you take a bath in cologne, she's going to wonder if it's the only bath you had.Avoid wearing too much cologne, body spray, or hair gel.
- 8The whole reason she agreed to a date with you is so you could talk more. If you go to a movie, you're not going to be talking. While you can use a movie as a conversation trigger if you go to dinner later, it's still a bad first date. When you're at the movies, any other guy could be sitting next to her, staring at the screen with his mouth half open, and she'd never know. So, get to know her before you go to a movie theater.Make sure your first date focuses on getting to know one another.
- 9Don't drink at all unless she is, and then, you still need to sip, and sip sparingly. Liquid courage might make you feel like you're having a better time, but it's a stealthy date killer. When you drink, you're no longer in control. As we discussed in Step Two, control is very important on a first date. Also, if she gets drunk, she'll be embarrassed, and won't want to see you again. That means no second date for you.Have a good time, but stay away more than a few sips of alcohol.
- 10When you kiss her, she no longer has to wonder if you're a good or bad kisser. That's why first kisses are for second or third dates. If she decides you can't kiss on a first date, or that you're a little too eager, you won't likely get a second chance. Your best bet is to give her a hug, ad maybe a soft kiss on the mouth with closed lips. Whatever you do, don't stand outside like a homeless puppy. Let her go, and go home yourself.End the date on a high note, and leave her wanting more.
- 11Don't follow the absurd rule that you need to wait two or three days before calling her back. After your date, call her the very next day. If she's not there, leave a brief message. If she is there, let her know you had a great time, and schedule your next date. Be brief. Remember, you want to be her boyfriend, not her BFF. If she wants to talk, take the hint. Schedule a date and talk more, face to face.Be prompt about calling her back, even if you don't want a second date.Advertisement
Tips and Suggestions for First Dates with a Girl
Few things are foolproof, especially when a bunch of fools show up.
Even the best plans can go sideways. Here are some tips on what to do when fools strike, and your carefully laid plans fall to pieces.
- Don't worry if things don't go exactly the way you thought they were supposed to. Very few things ever always go according to plan. How you react will impress your date far more than any plans you may have had.
- When you pay attention to her, focus on details, and associate them with items. This will help you to remember the details later. Women love a man who pays attention to detail. Such men pay more attention to the women they are with, and according to Cosmo, they are better kissers too.
- If you don't plan to go out with a girl again, let her know. Just make sure you do it in person. Thank her for the date, let her know the things you liked, and also tell her why you aren't going to go out with her again.
- Don't be afraid to read some articles written by women for men, or even articles written for women. VisiHow has several great female authors, like Nikki. Reading their articles will give you insights into how women think, and what they're talking about. If nothing else, you'll have a better idea of what you shouldn't be doing.
Questions and Answers
How can I get a first date with a girl? Normally I want to date more than the few girls I have dated, but I always fear how to start a conversation with someone whom I've never seen before. What can I do?
The fact is that I do fear girls. I have tried. I can only date those who can manage to begin a conversation with me, but I can't date the ones that I feel like dating. I think it was caused by growing up in the absence of girls.
You're not alone in your fear of talking with a girl you don't know well or haven't met before. This is something all men fear - even the ones who look like they effortlessly manage to talk to girls. The bad news is that this feeling will never go away. But, the good news is, you can learn to put that fear to work helping you, instead of hurting you.
You see, a girl who likes you is just as scared of that first conversation as you are. The difference is, she's probably been taught to expect a real man to lead the conversation. While the whole 'real man' stuff is a bunch of nonsense, since really, we're all people and we all have feelings, it's still the social norm. So we have to live with it.
That's good though. All you need to do is get her to start talking about herself. Then you need to pay attention to what she says, and ask simple questions about it. For example, if she's talking about her dog, ask her if she ever taught him or her any tricks. That's a safe question that's likely to make her feel good, and maybe even laugh. However, don't ask her what she did with her dog when she went to university (even if you want to know). That's potentially a question that could make her feel sad, depending on whether she cared for her animal companion, or abandoned him and later felt horrible about it.
Just don't make it sound like an interview. You're not Mr. Smith from the Matrix movie. You're her potential boyfriend. So add in a little bit about yourself that matches some of what she's said. Like, "Oh, my dog used to do that too! He was so crazy. This one time we were kicking a ball, and my shoe came off. He ran away with my shoe instead of the ball, and I couldn't find it! That one wasn't easy to explain to my parents!"
Remember - you don't need to be full of conversation. You just need to express your genuine interest in her, and she'll start the talking from there. Let us know how it goes!
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How do you know if she wants to be kissed on the first date?
Is it proper etiquette for a guy to kiss the girl on the first date?. I think it was caused by: Not being able to kiss the girl on the first date seems a bit old-fashioned, what if she tells me she wants to go home with me too?
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Recent edits by: VisiHow, Donna, Michelle33